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I don't know how I'm supposed to feel??


Forum: Stillbirth

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  #1  
December 24th, 2009, 11:56 AM
BellaBellski's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: DC, BC
Posts: 3,554
I feel so conflicted this year. D's EDD is tomorrow, last year I was a complete wreck and started drinking & crying the moment I woke up (not recommended ).... now having Owen, it feels weird. Like I'm sad about losing D of course, I miss him tons and it's weird to think I should have a 1 year old right now... but then I wouldn't have Owen and omg what a blessing that little boy is!! The first year was easier, I just got drunk and cried. This year I have to feel sad because I miss him, guilty for missing him because then I wouldn't have Owen and guilty because then it feels like I'd rather have Owen than D??? I'm going crazy.
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Proud Mommy to Mattea Lilian born February 21st 2007 - 7lbs 14oz &
Owen Markus James born October 21st 2009 - 10lbs
Forever loving & Missing ~Damian~ born into heaven August 13th 2008
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  #2  
December 24th, 2009, 03:02 PM
lilflower
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Posts: n/a
I understand your mess. I have my DD to be strong for, but this should be Noah's second Christmas/Holiday Season at home, and instead he's not here. His ashes are in an urn sitting on my dresser and I'm pregnant with another little boy. I feel so conflicted because I am mourning my little boy still, but I know I have so much to be thankful and grateful for.



I hope tomorrow goes easy on you.
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  #3  
December 25th, 2009, 10:12 PM
Proud Momma
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 3,781
to you, Tanya. I didn't know D's EDD last year was on Christmas (sorry). That's tough.

It's such a bittersweet feeling though - you're missing one baby terribly but the joy you have from your new one is such an amazing feeling. I'm sure I'll be feeling the exact same bittersweet emotions once Sweet Pea is born. And it's not as if you're loving one baby more - it's just the fact that you're able to truly feel happy again and not be so miserable without your Angel. I already feel it being pregnant with her and enjoying every moment - sometimes I feel guilty that I'm so happy again, but I know my sweet Katrina is watching over her family down here smiling

Last edited by LaLaLa1; December 25th, 2009 at 10:46 PM.
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  #4  
December 28th, 2009, 10:31 AM
BellaBellski's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: DC, BC
Posts: 3,554
thanks girls I actually made it through ok. There were times when I forgot about it completely, and then it would hit me pretty hard again, but luckily I have my amazing hubby by my side & my beautiful kids....it really was okay.
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Proud Mommy to Mattea Lilian born February 21st 2007 - 7lbs 14oz &
Owen Markus James born October 21st 2009 - 10lbs
Forever loving & Missing ~Damian~ born into heaven August 13th 2008
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