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TV makes me cry (pg mentioned)


Forum: Stillbirth

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  #1  
December 27th, 2009, 03:19 PM
rebeccabaltimore and more's Avatar (rebeccabaltimore)
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 1,842
So I'm having another boy. I'm excited, I really am - I just started feeling movement, something I only felt once with Ethan (no amniotic fluid = no wiggling baby) and most of the time I'm one of those deliriously happy pregnant people like you see on tv.

But sometimes, I just get so sad.

I watch Top Chef, a competitive cooking reality show. This season, two brothers competed. The entire season they were at each others throats, the way brothers often are. Both brothers were finalists, and one of them was the winner. On the reunion special, their behavior changed. No longer competing, they were acting, well, brotherly. Supportive, happy for each other, proud for each other . . .

Then last night I watched Backdraft. Again, the story is about two brothers. They fight a lot, until the end, when they get all brotherly. Lots of tender moments. Kurt Russell's character gets injured, and as he sees his younger brother bravely trying to save him he says proudly "That's my brother god-d*mmit!"

My sons will never be like that. This baby will never look up to his big brother. They'll never bond over a football game. They'll never make up and hug after a fight. They'll never be the best man at each other's wedding, or give the toast at each other's child's B'nai Mitzvah.

And I may never have another child. Given how much fertility help I need and how risky and rocky these pregnancies have been and how many heartbreaking decisions I have had to make, it's unlikely DH and I will ever try again. This baby will probably be an only child. Not only will he never have that amazing relationship with Ethan, he may never have a great sibling relationship with anyone. And this baby spent 14 weeks just centimeters from two siblings, two siblings he will never see again. So when I see siblings and expecially brothers on tv, my heart just breaks.

Why couldn't they all have lived?
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  #2  
December 27th, 2009, 04:06 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: CT
Posts: 982
But Little Monster will have a very unique relationship with Ethan. Take today for instance...my ds actually asked to go to the cemetary to visit Joey's grave. My heart melted when he wanted to say 2 prayers he learned at school when we got there. He has a relationship with his brother, even if it is just in his heart.

You will keep Ethan's memory alive for Little Monster....get the book "Someone Came Before You". I got it before I was pregnant this time "just in case" and it is beautiful.
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Kathryn
Married to my best friend Tom since 2004 (together since 1999)
Mommy to two little boys:
Jamie ~ 7-12-04 ~ fun, crazy, transformer loving tough-guy mama's boy
and
Joey ~ 4-4-09 ~ born sleeping ~ held under my heart for 40wk1d, in my arms for just 6 short hours but he will be in my heart forever
And finally holding my little girl,Felicity Rose, Born into Daddy's loving hands on June 9, 2010

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  #3  
December 27th, 2009, 04:17 PM
rebeccabaltimore and more's Avatar (rebeccabaltimore)
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 1,842
Thank you so much for that recommendation Kathryn, that book is going on my registry. I'm really glad someone wrote it!
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  #4  
December 29th, 2009, 01:22 PM
NutMeg76's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: United States
Posts: 20,687
(((hugs)))
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  #5  
December 29th, 2009, 04:04 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton, CO
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Wow, I think I'm going to have to get that book too. I've been thinking about this a lot Rebecca. I spent some time this last weekend with my best friend, whose daughter is 2 months younger than Cora would have been. And I watched Katy and Erin play, and it just broke my heart. So it's the sisters stuff for me. Erin will probably have a sister, but AT CLOSEST she'll be 4 years younger. My younger sister is 4 years younger than me and while we're great friends now...not so much growing up. Erin was robbed of the close-in-age sister relationship. She and Katy were so adorable together....
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