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It's only been about 3 weeks since I lost my baby and I am really having a hard time. I am so full of emotion right now. I never know how I'm going to react to anything.
I came back to work yesterday. I am a teacher. I don't want to be here. I don't want to hear "I'm sorry" from my collegues..or worse yet, nothing at all. Or, "It's best that it happened this early". I also don't want to hear about everyone else's relative that has had a loss. I am ...I don't know. heartbroken, mad, frustrated.
I would love to take time off from work, but it would be all unpaid after I use the few sick days I have left.
What did you all do? I just feel so unlike myself.
Cody Joseph, born still at 20 weeks, December 11, 2009.
First off, many I am so sorry you have to be joining us here . We hate that we have new members having to join us this way, but please know this group of ladies is extremely supportive and I am so grateful I found these girls.
As for work, I think it is completely normal what you're feeling. I went back to work about 4 weeks after the loss of my baby girl. It was awful. The first day I basically hid in the washroom for the whole day sobbing. On the other hand though, I found being at work helped me stay occupied and focus on other things. At home I would just mope around depressed all day.
It's been almost a year and a half since my loss and it does get easier with time, but the love you have for your baby will never go away and some days it will be extremely tough and some days it will be easier. Be gentle on yourself and remember, we're all here for you.
My name is Stephanie and my husband and I lost our first born, Katrina, at 22 1/2 weeks back on August 9, 2008.
It's hard, when you have to be in public and you're forced to hide what you're feeling, because it's "inappropriate." And that feeling of not only being out of control, but having your feelings be completely unpredictable is so hard. You're not alone in that.
My loss was at 38 weeks, and I got that same line "at least it was now and not when she was 5 or something." So...I'd love her more after 5 years? People just don't get it unless they've been through it.
My advice would be to let yourself really feel what you're feeling when you are in a place where you can. I went to the dollar store once and bought two little glass figurines and when I got home I went outside and threw them against the wall, just to get the anger out.
Life won't go back to "normal." You have to figure out what your new normal is. And you'll get there, but it's a long process.
I'm really sorry you are going threw this...It's been almost 3 months since I lost my baby girl...I felt the same way as you, and I still do...I didn't want to hear "I'm sorry" or the stories of their losses, or people they knew...It was just too hard for me to hear about it....I also felt horrible when people didn't say anything to me....I don't work, so I didn't have that problem, but I did have a really hard time being around people and going into public...It's been almost 3 months and i'm still having a hard time with it...I don't like being around people...I hate having to hide how i'm feeling...I hate people asking how I am, and having to say i'm doing fine when really I want to tell them how horrible i'm doing, and how much I miss my baby....I also hated the "it happend for a reason"...What reason? really, I didn't want to hear that...I wish I had some advice for you, but it's still fairly new to me....Over time I stopped crying as much...There was a time that I didn't think i'd ever stop crying...It got better over time, but some days are worse than others...I remember right after I lost my baby, I was angry that the world just kept going like nothing ever happend....I was mad that people were happy and going on with their lives, when I wanted the world to just stop...Eventually those kind of feelings get better, and you'll learn to move on, or at least go threw the motions...Sorry if I wasn't much help, I don't really know what to say except we all understand what your going threw, and I hope we can help you in some way.
I remember right after I lost my baby, I was angry that the world just kept going like nothing ever happend....I was mad that people were happy and going on with their lives, when I wanted the world to just stop...
I went through this too. I would go on facebook and so many friends had such happy status' or uploaded all these pictures of them having fun and I honestly couldn't understand how they could be so happy and out enjoying themselves when I was a miserable wreck. It was hard seeing people laughing because I honestly never thought I could be happy enough to ever laugh again.
When I lost Eli, the best piece of advice that someone gave me (a lady who lost her granddaughter a few weeks before her 1st birthday) was to go through this as honestly as possible. And that is what I have tried to do. I was lucky enough to have a lot of support from those around me and people let me be however I needed to be and feel however I needed to feel. If I was angry, I was honest about it (to myself and others). If I needed to cry, I cried. I didn't worry about what other people would think. I felt the same way that Megan did, how could the world go on? How could people continue with their lives as normal when my life had just been shattered. It's hard and it takes a long time. It is not something you will ever get over, but you will get through it. It's been 4 months since we lost Eli and I don't cry every day like I did at first but my life will never be the same again.
I also got so angry at people's stupid comments and my husband or others would tell me that these people were well meaning (which I already new) but just didn't know what to say. I was sick of having to consider these people's feelings when I felt like they weren't being considerate of mine by saying stupid things (even if they were well meaning) so after a while I decided I wasn't just going to smile and nod at the stupid comments anymore. I was going to be honest with the person and let them know that was not an appropriate thing to say (I would try to be nice about it).
Hugs honey. I hope you are able to grieve and heal in healthy ways. It does get a little easier with time although it will never get completely easy.
Last edited by noworries; January 7th, 2010 at 09:21 AM.
I just wanted to say I hope you have some better days at work. I wish you didn't have to go back yet so you could grieve some more, but I know you have to. We are here for you to vent to, talk to, yell at and whatever else you need to do.
I went back to work 4 months ago, after staying home for 2 months. I remember my first day at work. It was a horrible, horrible experience. The company I work for is a big company, and my boss only let my department know. The rest of the people didn't know. I had questions like "How's your baby?" every day for the first couple of weeks from random people. Some people I lied to and told them that everything is fine. Other people I told the truth. I don't know why I did it. I guess it would depend on how I was able to handle the situation at that particular time. I used to avoid people trying to get into an elevator when there is no one familiar I could meet, or taking different exits different days. I was even afraid to go the bathroom. These days it's much easier and better. You'll get to this point even though it's hard to beleive right now. I'm sorry it had to happen to you and you have to go thru what all of us went on here. Beleive me, it will get better with time, and you will learn to live with it but you will never be the same.
I feel the same way - it has been only 9 days since I lost my twin angels Jack and Sam i sit here in the house feeling sorry for my self and pissed off that everyone else is still living life - i just want to lay here and cry all day - this is so unfair i wanted my babies so bad it hurts to know they are gone for ever - Friends and family have been great with flowers cards etc but I want my Babies - i am so angry - sorry this doesn't help but i know exactly how you feel -