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Why are we the ones outside the norm?


Forum: Stillbirth

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  #1  
January 13th, 2010, 03:24 AM
heathernoel's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Maitland, Florida
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I'm tired of stepping around other people's feelings about our losses. Why is it that we can talk about my mom, grandparents, etc that passed away, but my sons are the pink elephant in the room? Why do people think it's strange to keep our sons' pics up? Why can't I be as proud of their little blankies as I am of my living children's stuff? Why do I even care what people think?

I have enough to worry about. Society can kiss my big wide ***
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  #2  
January 13th, 2010, 03:29 AM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
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[quote=heathernoel;18642265]I'm tired of stepping around other people's feelings about our losses. Why is it that we can talk about my mom, grandparents, etc that passed away, but my sons are the pink elephant in the room? Why do people think it's strange to keep our sons' pics up? Why can't I be as proud of their little blankies as I am of my living children's stuff? Why do I even care what people think?

Quote:
I have enough to worry about. Society can kiss my big wide ***[/
quote]

amen to that hun!!!

u know im sick of it too so what if u feel uncomfortable!!! shove it how do you think we feel why should i feel guilty for wating to mention my baby girl! like she didnt exist!!!

hugs heather
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  #3  
January 13th, 2010, 08:04 AM
noworries
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I got sick of having to be considerate of others when they weren't being considerate to me and I just said what I needed to said and acted how I needed to act without worrying about other people.
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  #4  
January 13th, 2010, 02:36 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Location: Littleton, CO
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Yeah, I've gotten to the point that I'm tired of walking on eggshells too. There was a girl in Patrick's DDC who said that she wished people would stop posting about miscarriages because it made her sad. I think I was kind of rude, but I sort of told her that if they needed to talk about it LET THEM because they have to live with that pain EVERY DAY and she could just close the window and not feel it anymore.

Anyway, people who have the compassion who HAVEN'T been through it are very rare.
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  #5  
January 13th, 2010, 09:25 PM
rebeccabaltimore and more's Avatar (rebeccabaltimore)
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Today, a new coworker who used to work for us a few years ago asked me why I waited so long to have kids. I don't know if it's because I'm pregnant or because I haven't recovered from losing Ethan, but some days I just don't have the energy to be diplomatic. So I told her that I already had a baby but he died. Then I walked away (I had a lot of crap to do).

That will teach her.
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  #6  
January 15th, 2010, 07:20 AM
liz bevan's Avatar Super Mommy
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One of my clients told me it was my womanly duty to start a family. I told her we had a son and he died. Her response was well don't you think it's time to start trying again.
ppl really need to think before speaking.
I know that I am lot more blunt when ppl say things to me
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  #7  
January 15th, 2010, 10:31 PM
lilflower
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Quote:
Originally Posted by liz bevan View Post
One of my clients told me it was my womanly duty to start a family. I told her we had a son and he died. Her response was well don't you think it's time to start trying again.
ppl really need to think before speaking.
I know that I am lot more blunt when ppl say things to me

SORRY. ((hugs))
I was told after I lost our son that I needed to just suck it up and move on because I needed to have more kids.

Then less than a year later when I went on birth control because I was tired of my body failing me and my babies I got told I was selfish to leave my DD an only child. WOW.
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  #8  
January 15th, 2010, 10:40 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Dude, people suck. I'm sorry Liz and Lily.
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  #9  
January 16th, 2010, 07:53 AM
BellaBellski's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rebeccabaltimore View Post
Today, a new coworker who used to work for us a few years ago asked me why I waited so long to have kids. I don't know if it's because I'm pregnant or because I haven't recovered from losing Ethan, but some days I just don't have the energy to be diplomatic. So I told her that I already had a baby but he died. Then I walked away (I had a lot of crap to do).

That will teach her.
lol good for you! I'll never understand why people think it's any of their business to comment on our personal lives. I think it's funny because I truly believe that most of them are trying to start polite conversation but don't have any boundaries.

-sorry, I know I'm like a lurker here now-
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  #10  
January 18th, 2010, 09:52 AM
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I was *just* telling my friend this, about how "uncomfortable" people get. And how I decided that I'm freaking uncomfortable every **** day of my life without Logan. So screw everybody elses comfort! ugh!

I feel ya on this one!
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  #11  
January 18th, 2010, 10:09 PM
LovingMyBoys's Avatar Mom of 3 boys
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Sorry I'm lurking, but I have to say this...I totally agree with you ladies, I have no idea why any of you should have to step around other people etc, society needs to stop making such a taboo out of this and start providing more support.

I say each and every one of you should be able to freely talk about your children at any time and stuff anyone who doesn't agree.
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  #12  
January 18th, 2010, 11:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by liz bevan View Post
One of my clients told me it was my womanly duty to start a family. I told her we had a son and he died. Her response was well don't you think it's time to start trying again.
ppl really need to think before speaking.
I know that I am lot more blunt when ppl say things to me
OMG Liz, that's so cruel....how could someone say that? I am so grateful I haven't come across any rude comments like that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Zaks Mum~ View Post
Sorry I'm lurking, but I have to say this...I totally agree with you ladies, I have no idea why any of you should have to step around other people etc, society needs to stop making such a taboo out of this and start providing more support.

I say each and every one of you should be able to freely talk about your children at any time and stuff anyone who doesn't agree.
Thanks hun, I agree!
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  #13  
January 19th, 2010, 04:32 AM
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I know I have felt like I have been walking on eggshells for the last 5 months at work with my coworkers, when I start talking about Evan they leave the room or act like they don't hear me and change the subject or start talking to each other instead of me. They act as if I should put it all behind me especially now that I am pregnant again like Evan never existed and that isn't fair. I will always talk and show off pictures of my beautiful angels and just like you said heather "society can kiss my big wide ***.

diana
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