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Think Stillbirth prevention is too scary to do? TOO BAD!!


Forum: Stillbirth

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  #1  
January 21st, 2010, 06:35 PM
rebeccabaltimore and more's Avatar (rebeccabaltimore)
Join Date: Feb 2009
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My son's death could have been prevented.

Let me say that again.

MY SON'S DEATH COULD HAVE BEEN PREVENTED.

I live every day knowing that if I had been more aware, if the doctors (who I don't fault and still see for care) had been more aware, MY SON WOULD STILL BE ALIVE.

Not a lot of moms, even here on the stillbirth board, can say that.

My blindness to my son's illness was not willful. Diabetes is quite often symptomless. My own symptoms were misattributed to just being pregnant. And every day of my life I have to live with the guilt of knowing that if I had known just a little bit more my son would still be alive.

His name was Ethan. He was 5 ounces when he was born. He kicked me once, and I'll never forget it. He had big feet just like his Dad. He was my firstborn.

And he is why I cannot stand by and watch women CHOOSE to be WILLFULLY BLIND. I don't care if fetal movement scares you. How do think I feel? Like I don't worry 1000% more than you do? I called my OB at midnight THIS PAST Saturday, terrified because this baby wouldn't move. (He's fine by the way0.

So while I recognize that you weren't happy with the wording, those aren't the DDC complaints that were upsetting to me. It was the women who decided that "I'm very scared by this" is a good excuse not to do something that will save the life of your baby.

Yours truly,
The woman who spends every day wishing she could have done something to save her oldest son.


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  #2  
January 21st, 2010, 06:39 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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I'd tell you to post it in the March DDC if I didn't think you'd get in trouble for it.
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  #3  
January 21st, 2010, 06:43 PM
rebeccabaltimore and more's Avatar (rebeccabaltimore)
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Yeah, I was thinking the same thing.
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  #4  
January 21st, 2010, 06:45 PM
happymom2Logan's Avatar Soon to be Mommy of 2
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stillbirth can be prevented, sometimes it cannot sadly.
It's best I think to listen to your body, keep in tune to what's going on, and to follow your gut, if in any doubt of worry or concern then definitely go and get checked out... I think gut tells you whether something is not quite right or not. My twin had a gut instinct that saved her life and her preemie, if she waited too long they both would of died, so we all have that intuition....
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  #5  
January 21st, 2010, 06:52 PM
rebeccabaltimore and more's Avatar (rebeccabaltimore)
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You are right. There relly is something to mother's instinct. I wish my gut had told me something was wrong. Everyone just assumed I was so sick because I was pregnant, even me, I wish we had all known enough to know that something much more serious was wrong.

I'm glad your sister and her baby are okay. It really does make us all feel better on this board to hear happy endings. That's really all we want for everyone.

Stillbirth can't always be prevented, but since no one who has a stillbirth can know beforehand if it is the preventable kind or not, or even if you will have one, it really is better safe than sorry. You don't want to live with the guilt of knowing it could have been different please believe me.
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Last edited by rebeccabaltimore and more; January 21st, 2010 at 06:57 PM.
  #6  
January 21st, 2010, 06:57 PM
MeganMomof5's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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My gut did tell me something was wrong, but I was uneducated and did nothing about it...If I had known more, I would of called my doctor.
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  #7  
January 21st, 2010, 06:59 PM
grlpisces's Avatar Dynamite w/ a laser beam
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I wish I knew more about kick counts. I specifically wish that my OB and my perinatologists told me how to determine kick counts for twins. I just felt "movement" during my 1st pregnancy -- kicks, rolls, flutters, all of it. But I had no idea how I should've been tracking them.

I had no idea if it was Julia kicking me or Noah kicking me. Julia was on my right in front; Noah was on my left more in back. When I felt kicks on my left side, I assumed it was Noah. Never in my life would I have guessed that there might be a way to do kick counts for twins. Never in my life would I imagine that my son was dead for three weeks before the doctor discovered that his heart wasn't beating.

Do I have a gut instinct? Yes, about many things. Sadly, the death of my son in utero was not one of them. Had I known about the seriousness of kick counts, he might've very well been saved.

I believe this time around, kick counts may have saved Sydney. I went to L&D upon the directive of my perinatologist when I barely felt her move 4 days before she was supposed to be delivered via scheduled C-section. A non-stress test showed a strong heartbeat. The nurses and on-call OB sent me home. I had an appointment with my perinatologist the next morning anyway. The perinatologist quickly determined why I was feeling decreased fetal movement the day before -- I was low on amniotic fluid and he immediately checked me into L&D because Sydney was going to be delivered that day.

Just felt the need to share my story.
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  #8  
January 21st, 2010, 07:00 PM
happymom2Logan's Avatar Soon to be Mommy of 2
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It's the sadness thing someone can go though I think- the worse....

I feel for those who have... it is heartbreaking I knew someone who lost her daughter, was very traumatic.
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  #9  
January 21st, 2010, 08:14 PM
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  #10  
January 21st, 2010, 08:27 PM
LovingMyBoys's Avatar Mom of 3 boys
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Ugggh I have missed the original so called offensive thread that was made in the DDC, but I have read the other thread that was closed. I have no idea why anyone over there is in a huff over anything.

People need to realise that yes stillbirth does and happen and yes it could happen to them, so they should be thankful that the ladies who have been through such a horrific experience take the time to share advice with us and relive the hell they went through. I will admit it I haven't been doing kick counts, but I do pay attention to when my baby is normally active and keep an eye out for anything out of the ordinary. Thanks to the posts ive read today I have realised that I have not been doing enough and I am now going to start kick counts from today.

Thank you ladies for sharing with us, please know not all of us wish to bury our heads in the sand and pretend that these horrible horrible things do not happen and some of us are appreciative of your time, thoughts and information.

xoxoxoxoxo
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  #11  
January 21st, 2010, 08:45 PM
liz bevan's Avatar Super Mommy
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I think there is so much emotions that we go through our pregnancies, that the thought of something could go wrong never crosses our mind. It is important to be aware of all scenarios, even if it makes us worrie
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  #12  
January 21st, 2010, 08:54 PM
lizard's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Zaks Mum~ View Post
People need to realise that yes stillbirth does and happen and yes it could happen to them, so they should be thankful that the ladies who have been through such a horrific experience take the time to share advice with us and relive the hell they went through.

Thank you ladies for sharing with us, please know not all of us wish to bury our heads in the sand and pretend that these horrible horrible things do not happen and some of us are appreciative of your time, thoughts and information.
After I read the thread in another DDC, I don't understand what the fuss was about. Sure, no one wants to think about losing their child, but if being more aware of the possibility that it could happen makes it more likely that it could maybe be prevented, then isn't it worth being a little more afraid? IRL, no one ever talks about stillbirths. Until I joined the loss boards a few years ago, I never gave it a thought. Because of your stories I am much more aware of my baby's movements and started doing kick counts as soon as I could feel the baby move regularly.

Thank you for sharing your stories.
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  #13  
January 21st, 2010, 09:22 PM
rebeccabaltimore and more's Avatar (rebeccabaltimore)
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Right, and you seem to think you're the one in your DDC that I was responding to. You're not. Reread some of your other members responses, those are the people whose responses made me cry.
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  #14  
January 21st, 2010, 10:40 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kristenpie View Post
Ok, I feel the need to repost this here since everyone still seems to think that the March DDC members were upset about the content. I'm assuming most of you missed this explanation, and maybe reading it will help clarify "what the fuss was about."
All the "fuss" was that you attacked someone who was just trying to help you without warrant. That's the reason the thread got deleted. It didn't get deleted in any other forum, so obviously it wasn't the post itself, and Adrienne got NO sorts of warnings or anything from the mods, so obviously they didn't think it was her that was the issue.

Say what you want about your objections to the post, nothing YOU have said has been nice.
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  #15  
January 21st, 2010, 11:18 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kristenpie View Post
Ok, I feel the need to repost this here since everyone still seems to think that the March DDC members were upset about the content. I'm assuming most of you missed this explanation, and maybe reading it will help clarify "what the fuss was about."
If you dont agree with whats being said thats fine but you really need to re-think coming here and posting the things you have. Haven't these ladies gone through enough? If you post here it should be support and nothing less... The message of the thread that was posted in every DDC was awareness thats all... I think every pregnant woman should be aware of things like kick counts... There was no need for all of this...

Last edited by HippieLove; January 21st, 2010 at 11:21 PM.
  #16  
January 22nd, 2010, 12:25 AM
Jaidynsmum's Avatar Dreams do come true....
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kristenpie View Post
Ok, I feel the need to repost this here since everyone still seems to think that the March DDC mirst off it wasn't a embers were upset about the content. I'm assuming most of you missed this explanation, and maybe reading it will help clarify "what the fuss was about."
First off it wasn't a member of this forum that posted it. It was a very loving sister of a member.
Secondly "It is any mother's worst nightmare, and unfortunately for you all, it became a reality"
UNFORTUNATELY?????? Sorry but what kind of word is that to use in a situation like this?
Thirdly. No other DDC deleted the post and most, if not all, members of those DDCs replied positively about the post.

So we're sorry if a loving sister and a well loved member of JM has upset "a bunch of third trimester pregnant women" but stillbirth is important. It's no use sticking your head in the sand and pretending it doesn't happen. And honestly there was probably no use in deleting Adrienne's post, most ladies had read it anyway and if they hadn't a simple look through other DDC's would have found it. If it caused offence TOUGH how anyone could be offended by that is anyone's guess. Yes it may have caused concern, yes it may have caused increased anxiety in a few members, but if they weren't already concerned or anxcious about the well being of their unborn child, maybe that post was the serious kick up the arse they needed.
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Last edited by Jaidynsmum; January 22nd, 2010 at 12:28 AM.
  #17  
January 22nd, 2010, 03:11 AM
heathernoel's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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There are times women here make me hang my head in shame. This is one of them.

YOU are offended? Ever sign a piece of paper confirming your desire to bury your child? Confirming creation? Ever carry a casket a little larger than a shoe box? Ever carry a baby's urn? Ever have to tell your family that your child has died? That is offensive. Worse yet, knowing that had you had the knowledge, none of it would have happened.

I hope you stay ignorant the rest of your childbearing days.
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  #18  
January 22nd, 2010, 04:37 AM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Yeah wow. To come HERE and say, "oh sure we're all sorry you had to deal with this but stop pushing it on me." just WOW!

Just so you know, I'm fairly confident that if anyone had explained WHAT the HECK kick counts were and how to use them to me, my son would be at home with me today. I knew something was wrong the night before but I couldn't tell what. So I waited until the next morning. Then I got to see an ultrasound of my beautiful baby boy except thistime, his heart and body were completely still. I pray that you nor your family ever have to deal with this! My son was born still at 33 weeks. The year before, my daughter was born and survived her long battle in the NICU at 27 weeks. Had Bryan Luke just been born with his heart beating and breathing I firmly believe he'd still be with me.

I pray you nor your family ever wake up to this guilt.
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