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Headstone question...


Forum: Stillbirth

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  #1  
February 2nd, 2010, 08:20 AM
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We burried Lucy just over a week ago and we are now trying to figure out what to do for a headstone i.e. shape, size, color, inscription. For those of you who burried your children what did you do for a headstone?
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  #2  
February 2nd, 2010, 08:33 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Make sure you check with the cemetery to make sure what their requirements are, so you don't decide on something you can't have.

But I'm not any help past that. Since we weren't going to be living where we were more than a couple years, we opted for cremation instead, so I didn't get to give her a headstone.

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  #3  
February 2nd, 2010, 09:32 AM
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Thanks for the good advice Brittanie. I'm pretty sure that the cemetery doesn't have very strict requirements...there are all kinds of shapes and sizes of headstones there, and we certainly wouldn't want anything wild or out of the ordinary.

We were facing a similar dilema...not knowing how long we would be living where we are now. We decided to bury Lucy in our home town which is about 4 hours drive from where we are now. Both our families still live there, and we have family buried there as well so we knew she would never be alone.
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  #4  
February 2nd, 2010, 09:41 AM
lunarmagic's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Well sometimes the cemeteries have different rules for adult and baby headstones. The one that Devin is buried in allows only small flat markers for babies - which is fine for us, as that's what we wanted anyways.

I *still* have not ordered it (ugh), but what we are going to do is something very simple in black granite, engraved with his full name, birth date, and just something simple like "loved forever"
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  #5  
February 2nd, 2010, 09:56 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Elsa View Post
We were facing a similar dilema...not knowing how long we would be living where we are now. We decided to bury Lucy in our home town which is about 4 hours drive from where we are now. Both our families still live there, and we have family buried there as well so we knew she would never be alone.
Yeah, we were living in Idaho, my family is in Las Vegas, and his family is in Michigan. At the time, both sets of parents were planning on moving for retirement (which they've both decided against), so even then I wasn't guaranteed she wouldn't be left alone.

I think when Matt and I are nearing retirement age, I'm going to do what my grandmother has done and buy a plot and headstone so my family doesn't have to (she's still alive, but has a headstone just waiting for her death date already put in), and I'm going to have a small one for her too. I just want something to be able to tell the world that she was here, you know?
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  #6  
February 2nd, 2010, 10:24 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brittanie View Post
I'm going to have a small one for her too. I just want something to be able to tell the world that she was here, you know?
Yes, I absolutely know. I think that is a wonderful idea.
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  #7  
February 2nd, 2010, 11:21 AM
NutMeg76's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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We had Colm cremated since i am in the military and we will be moving every few years until I retire in about 2019. We didn't want to "leave a man behind". This way he will be with use where ever we are stationed, we even asked about taking him overseas (which is fine BTW).

When we die one of use will probably have him buried with us.
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  #8  
February 2nd, 2010, 11:55 AM
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We don't have a headstone yet for Joey (he died in April) but we hopefully will get one put in this spring. We bought plots for dh and I as well and Joey is buried in between us. The headstone will be for all 3 of us with our names and birthdates and then Joey's name and stillbirth date. The cemetary is in the town I grew up in right across from a park...there are lots of children buried there, several of whom are around my age who died in grammar or middle school. Very sad, but its a beautiful place. We bought our plots too becuase we just couldn't bear knowing we might not be close to him when we die...I just couldn't leave him there alone surrounded by strangers. My grandmother had an extra plot with her and my grandfather and offered it to us for Joey which was nice, but my uncle might use it so we didn't want to take that away.
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  #9  
February 2nd, 2010, 12:33 PM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Our cemetary had requirements for it and had a large selection which we were able to pick from.

Here's a picture of Bryan Luke's headstone...

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  #10  
February 2nd, 2010, 02:21 PM
Jaidynsmum's Avatar Dreams do come true....
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Ceilidh has a simple headstone with a small cross at the top. It has her name then "born into God's hands" her birthdate and "sweet dreams mummy & daddy"
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  #11  
February 2nd, 2010, 02:24 PM
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awww i love that saying "born into god's hands" very nice.
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Kathryn
Married to my best friend Tom since 2004 (together since 1999)
Mommy to two little boys:
Jamie ~ 7-12-04 ~ fun, crazy, transformer loving tough-guy mama's boy
and
Joey ~ 4-4-09 ~ born sleeping ~ held under my heart for 40wk1d, in my arms for just 6 short hours but he will be in my heart forever
And finally holding my little girl,Felicity Rose, Born into Daddy's loving hands on June 9, 2010

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  #12  
February 2nd, 2010, 02:35 PM
lunarmagic's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brittanie View Post
I think when Matt and I are nearing retirement age, I'm going to do what my grandmother has done and buy a plot and headstone so my family doesn't have to (she's still alive, but has a headstone just waiting for her death date already put in), and I'm going to have a small one for her too. I just want something to be able to tell the world that she was here, you know?
I've already told my husband that my plan is for Devin to be dug up and moved to wherever I get buried (he's in an infant section in the cemetery he's in now - which we are not at all attached to). I know it will be $$, but I want his marker to be beside mine. Den doesn't really get it, he keeps saying, "But it's not really HIM, so it doesn't make sense," but my point is that the world will see the markers, his and mine, and know that he's mine. I don't know. It's just important to me, like you say, that the world knows he was here. There is something about a permanent marker left behind for generations to come.
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  #13  
February 2nd, 2010, 05:22 PM
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Here is the headstone we picked for our daughter. We put "Maggie Smiles" on it because we felt that now she was able to smile, something she was unable to do on earth. That and my brother redid the song Molly Smiles from Uptown girls to be Maggie Smile so we thought it fitting.
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  #14  
February 2nd, 2010, 07:33 PM
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Thanks so much for sharing ladies, these are lovely.
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  #15  
February 2nd, 2010, 10:50 PM
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I agree with what Brittanie said - make sure you know how big the headstone is allowed to be before deciding on something and then being told you can't do it.

Katrina is buried in the "baby" area at our local cemetery and they're allowed certain sized flat headstones - which strangely enough are actually bigger than some of the adult areas in the cemetery.

Here's a pic of Katrina's headstone, taken at Christmas:
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  #16  
February 3rd, 2010, 07:22 AM
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Some cemeteries definately have many restrictions, I know ours did. Last month we finally ordered the monument for Eric. It took us quite a while to figure out what we wanted and to make sure it fits in with their restrictions. Originally we wanted a headstone, but our cemetery does not allow for it. It has to be a monument. Then we were struggling with the words that we wanted to put on it. But girls here helped me out a lot. It's definately not an easy process. But I'm glad it's finally finished, and the monument company says it should be done sometime in spring. It's going to be a black granite in the shape of a teardrop with a baby lamb engraved at the top, then his name, date of birth and then the phrase " If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever" (Thanks Brittanie).
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  #17  
February 3rd, 2010, 07:40 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Quote:
Originally Posted by helen123 View Post
It's going to be a black granite in the shape of a teardrop with a baby lamb engraved at the top, then his name, date of birth and then the phrase " If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever" (Thanks Brittanie).
It sounds beautiful!! Cora's would have said that too. It's the subtitle on my blog for her.
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  #18  
February 3rd, 2010, 08:08 AM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
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this is jessicas headstone

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  #19  
February 3rd, 2010, 08:35 AM
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So nice of you all to share. I really appreciate it. DH is very anxious to get the ball rolling on this so that her headstone can be placed by Memorial Day, it just seems a bit overwhelming to decide because #1: I never in my life considered what I would want my child's headstone to read/look like and #2: It's the only thing the rest of the world will know her by so I don't want to screw it up.
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  #20  
February 3rd, 2010, 07:48 PM
lunarmagic's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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That's what's kept me frozen for nearly 2 years now. I'm so afraid to commit to something, knowing how it's the one thing the rest of the world will see. But I imagine it would feel better to just order one.
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