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I feel like a bad mom


Forum: Stillbirth

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  #1  
February 9th, 2010, 12:11 PM
rebeccabaltimore and more's Avatar (rebeccabaltimore)
Join Date: Feb 2009
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Tomorrow is Ethan's first birthday. We bought balloons to release, and a nice card. I was going to write Ethan a letter, but I just can't. I don't have it in me. Maybe it's this pregnancy. It has been high risk, high stress, and absolutely exhausting. I have to take 3 naps a day to function. Plus we just had a blizzard and are expected to have another tonight. I just can't muster the energy to pour my heart out in a letter. Frankly, I'm too brokenhearted to be that organized.

That doesn't make me a bad mom, does it?
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  #2  
February 9th, 2010, 12:32 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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No, I don't think so. He knows the words in your heart that you can't say. He knows what's in your heart.

Christmas of 2008 I fully intended to write a letter to Cora to put in her Christmas stocking. I couldn't, for all the reasons you said (I was also pregnant). I just...couldn't write it. I spent Christmas Eve, instead of writing a letter, silently speaking to her. I did write her a letter for her stocking this last Christmas, but I still feel guilty.

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  #3  
February 9th, 2010, 01:07 PM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
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hun, u are not a bad mom he loves you he knows what u want to say is in your heart thats where he is x

floaty kisses ethan, happy 1st angelversary for tomorrow xxxx

many hugs rebecca
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  #4  
February 9th, 2010, 01:11 PM
Mega Super Mommy
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It absolutely does not make you a bad mom. It is obvious that Ethan is in your thoughts constantly, you don't have to write him a letter on a specific day to prove to him that you love him.
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  #5  
February 9th, 2010, 01:27 PM
RawrDiino's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Let me peep in and say that this absolutely does NOT make you a bad mom. If anything, your feelings about it only continue to prove how much of an amazing mother you are. Ethan loves you, and he would never want you to put yourself under more stress. He cares, and wants you to have a happy healthy pregnancy.

I hope you have a beautiful, blessed 1st Angelversary (sp?). I will be thinking about you and husband, your LO and Ethan all day. I am going light a candle for Ethan.
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  #6  
February 9th, 2010, 02:28 PM
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oh Rebecca, you're not a bad mom what-so-ever. Don't even think like that. Ethan knows how much you love and miss him.

I hope tomorrow is gentle on you.
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  #7  
February 9th, 2010, 02:50 PM
rebeccabaltimore and more's Avatar (rebeccabaltimore)
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Thank you guys, I'm glad that you guy think it's okay to forgo the letter. And thank you Monica, it is really sweet of you to light a candle
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  #8  
February 9th, 2010, 06:55 PM
MeganMomof5's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I don't think it makes you a bad mom at all...You can only do what you can do, and i'm sure he knows that you love him dearly (((Hugs)))
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  #9  
February 9th, 2010, 07:14 PM
BakingMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I did not get todo any of the things I had been planning for a year for Roald's first birthday. It makes me so depressed I absolutely have to block it out and just look forward to his second. His birthday was our release day with Vera and we were not released until afternoon and had to rush to a different city before BRU closed to get a pump (it was a Sunday) and all we got to do was take Vera and release one balloon at his grave.

But it was still special.

Juts not the big sad extravaganza I had had in mind.

I don't think it makes you a bad mom at all.
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  #10  
February 9th, 2010, 08:50 PM
Ben,Logan&Kaitlin'sMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOM!
take it easy tomorrow hun
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  #11  
February 10th, 2010, 07:50 AM
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You're not a bad mom at all.
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  #12  
February 10th, 2010, 04:27 PM
lex1078's Avatar Waiting patiently....
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Rebecca, You are not a bad mom at all. I understand how you feel about wanting to write a letter and no being able too. I've wanted to write letters to my girls for a very long time, but all the emotions of losing them come flooding back and I just haven't had the energy for it.
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