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I have the worst feeling, I keep having horrible dreas about Keegan not being dead and driving to his grave and digging only to find him, how I left him, tiny and blue. I wake up bawling. They are usually followed by dreams about losng this one due to PPROM after the cerclage is placed.
I went to the Dr and found out I have a subchorionic hematoma. It is supposidly shrinking already according to the u/s tech and the spotting has stopped. I just have a sinking feeling. Kaden is 5 months old and he's a dream, he's active and healthy and smart. I was so put out after finding out I was pregnant again even after being on the pill for 4 months. DH was excited from the second he found out. I got excited after I came home and held Kaden in my arms. I cried and he put his head on my shoulder and gave me sloppy kisses. I know that another bby is a blessing, but with the severe morning sickness and fatigue I am struggling with keeping ahead and finding any kind of rest.
I have reentered that state of shock and panic and expecting the worst. My cerclage is going to be placed some time in he 3rd week of March. I hope they are right when they say the 2nd ceclage baby is easier. I'm actually more concerned with other possibilities like cord accidents or heart or genetic issues.
I was so thrilled to see my little one Friday, I was so worried there wouldn't even be a heartbeat and it would be over.
I haven't been too depressed lately. I think about my angel every day but I've been pretty emotionally balenced when I don't dream of him. I figure it is ust showing my insecurities to have these dreams. I have lost about 8 pounds so far from not really being able to eat or drink large amounts and have hardly anything stay down, this maes me feel dizzy, lightheaded, and makes me ill and tired. Poor Kaden doesn't understand I don't feel good, he has literally kicked me in the belly until I've puked, but I really can't find any way of getting around it.
I need to get these symptoms under control so I can have a life again.
Sorry to whine but I've been up since 6am sick. I didn't go to bed until 2am because I was sick...I'm so sleepy.
Oh hon I just wanted to give you a hug!! I can only imagine how you are feeling right now I know that I'm in a panic every moment of the day, but my nightmares are different. I don't have a little one to keep me busy, but my nausea and sadness are permanent state of coldness are dragging me down.
I am going back for more meds. I turned out to be allergic to the meds for depression they gave me (my luck), but I can't see getting through this without some help.
Lots of hugs, honey!! Keep venting!
my thanks to Claire1979 for the awesome siggy!!