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Forum: Stillbirth

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  #1  
June 13th, 2010, 11:38 AM
Dacontay4's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: WI
Posts: 2,058
My brother and his new wife are due 2 weeks after I was supposed to give birth to Kaydence. Michelle and I were THRILLED to be pregnant together, but now I can barely stand to be near her. This is my brother's first baby, and my brother and I are so close. He lived with us for 2 years before he and Michelle got married, and he's still there for me at a beckon call if I need him. He wants me to be their baby's godmother...and I'm really afraid I'm not going to be able to handle being around my niece or nephew. It's really hard for me to be near Michelle now, and THATS hard for me because I love her so much. I feel like I'm being selfish with how much I'm shutting myself out from everyone, I can't be there for my sister in law...or my sister, who is also pregnant. How can I tell my sister in law no, I can't be the godmother. I would LOVE to, and I really hope I don't feel weird around their baby, but right now I feel like it would be too hard to be the godmother, when I should be able to have a baby the same age. It's not fair...I didn't just lose my baby, I have babies being shoved at me from every direction. Two of my siblings and one of my best friends are all expecting babies right now, and my other sister is TTC. I should be able to share in that joy, I should be kept awake nights by her insistent kicking, instead of sleeping with her ashes. I just had to vent I miss her so so much.
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  #2  
June 13th, 2010, 01:25 PM
MeganMomof5's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 11,772
i'm really sorry I don't really have any words of advice, but I kind of went through the same thing...My niece was pregnant the same time as I was, she was due 2 months before me...Just about a month ago was the first time I had seen him in person and it was really hard...I actually had to take an anxiety pill and I cried...I couldn't even really look at him, knowing that my baby would just be a little younger than him...I have a hard enough time seeing babies I don't know...It was also impossible to be around her while she was pregnant...in the 2 months after I lost Ella, I only saw her 2 times...I hope in time you can feel better about this, and I hope the same for me too, it's a really hard situation to be in...I always feel bad because I know it hurts my nieces feelings, but you can't help but feel how you feel, and it has nothing to do with her or her baby.
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  #3  
June 13th, 2010, 01:31 PM
heathernoel's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Maitland, Florida
Posts: 9,385
Last year my SIL, another family friend, and I were due in sequential months. It STILL sucks to be around those cute little men. I am like Megan and have to take an anxiety pill. They are really good about knowing that if I step out of the house or go off on my own that it's not personal...I suspect it's always going to be hard to be around them.

I have no words of advice either. I'm sorry
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  #4  
June 14th, 2010, 07:55 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: New York
Posts: 1,760
I didn't have anyone that close to me who were due around the same time, but my sister had her baby boy 6 months before me and my cousin gave birth 6 months after I had Eric. Even though, my loss occured much after my sister had my nephew, it's so hard to be around him. The older he gets, the age difference between him and Eric would become so unnoticeable. He would always remind me of Eric. I don't see my cousin too much either, it was so hard to see her being pregnant and be at the same family gatherings as she. I was trying to avoid going same places she did. I still haven't seen her baby. So no advice from me either, I think it always be hard.
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  #5  
June 14th, 2010, 11:28 AM
hannah79's Avatar A little bit wicked
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: North Texas
Posts: 1,027
My SIL and I were due 2 days apart. DS was born and died at 29 weeks. It was very difficult for me to see SIL. This sounds harsh, but I forbid her from coming to the funeral--even though she came anyway-because I couldn't deal with her at all. My niece was born the day before DS was due. I couldn't stand to look at her until she was a couple of months old. Now I see her all of the time. It's still hard knowing that my baby should be the same age. For me it got better and easier with time.
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  #6  
June 14th, 2010, 12:53 PM
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 257
My cousin's wife had a baby about two months before I would have had my baby. I grinned and beared it when I went to see them. I walked into the room where the baby was sleeping, and the baby looked exactly like my DD. I jumped back. I thought I was going to have a heart attack.

It does get easier over time, but there was a period of time where I could not look at another child or pregnant people without it being painful.
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