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I hope you gals remember me, hehe. It's LeAnn, Dominic's mommy. I just wanted to stop in and tell all our new ladies, I am so sorry for your losses. I am sorry to hear about a new loss, all the time.
With that said, I am sorry I am not here being supportive. Since we lost Dominic, my life has been hell, one thing after another. Dominic was born Oct 07, Preggo in Jan/Feb 08, DH lost his job 09/08, Lost my rental home and had to move with family 10/08, My 2nd son born 11/08. Then DH stayed unemployed for 18 LONG months. We were bouncing back and forth between our parents house and he was looking for jobs all over the state, nothing popped up, after a year, I started looking. An exclusively BF SAHM for 5 yrs mom, yeah just what the employers wwant.
He tried joining the military starting in March 09, but none of the branches would take him and then there was the Marine Corps. After 18 months of unemployment, the military saved us, our marriage, our hope.
Almost for the last 3 years, we have spiraled into this whole hating, self-loathing point. I am slowly coming out of the shell shock of this all, and yet, it still feels like I lost Dominic yesterday. I feel like when it rains, it pours and Dominic was just the start. Family tell me that they don't think I grieved over Dominic because I had this whole calm and cool essence about losing him. I don't know what to think anymore.
I am just so beat down, so heart broken, so weak. I miss my baby so much today. Maybe that is a good thing because I really have nothing else to worry about anymore, I have my own place again and my bills are paid. My kids are happy and healthy, tho my husband is off in Cali and been gone since The end of Feb with only 10 days home since. He gets to come home the end of Sept. but then we have to start worrying about bills again, because he will be reserves.
I have been trying to start my own business with this financial company, Primerica. I am liscenced now to sell insurance and I can do financial services. I am hoping I can make enough money to live without DH having (ETA: volunteering to go) to deploy because we need money. I don't want that. At least I hope we can put it off until Jan 2011.
I honestly try to come in every now and then, but I am in such an emotional and hard stage in my life, I am trying to avoid sadness and negativity (IRL). I am trying to have a happier outlook on life and I am not in the place where I can help others now either. I love you all and your precious babies, without you girls, I would have never known alot of things were ok in both how to feel or act when I had my son. You made it easier on me to deal with his death. Thank you and I will be back again one day to be more supportive and help all our new mommies. <3
oh, yeah, sorry so long, but I haven't been around this board in forever.
I'm new here, so I don't know you, but I just wanted to say hi and I hope things continue to improve for you, and I am so sorry for your loss of Dominic. My loss is still very new, but I know that it will always hurt and I will always miss my Matthew. I hope things work out with your job hunt and your DH comes home and can stay home with you and your family. Where in CA is he? We live in Fresno, but I'm assuming if he's marines he's not here since well, we're not close to water Hope to see you around more!
Annalise is hoping to be a big sister on June 28, 2014. Forever missing her big brother, Matthew, stillborn on July 1, 2010.