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So I was typing out something on the TTC board to a new member and I just then realized it was August 1st.....and one month since Matthew was born I somehow hadn't thought about that, which then actually made me feel guilty because I felt like I should have known that.... Ugh, well, hopefully we can get through today without totally falling apart! We're going to a place that sells fountains/waterfalls/statues- I want to make like a memorial garden type thing in our yard for Matthew. And then tonight I think I'm going to a friend's house- her daughter is having a "girls' night in" so I'm helping watch them since she has two other kids as well- one of which they always joked looks just like my DH....and of course he's a boy.....so I actually avoided them for almost a month because every time I look at him I wonder if that's what Matthew would look like in 4 years (the little boy is 4 and the cutest thing ever! ). OK, enough rambling....hope everyone is having a great weekend!
Annalise is hoping to be a big sister on June 28, 2014. Forever missing her big brother, Matthew, stillborn on July 1, 2010.
I always find the anticipation of the milestone day to be worse than the actual day, so maybe it's a good thing you didn't realize it. Don't feel guilty, those first couple of months after Cora was born I was in a haze and pretty much had no clue what was going on around me.
I didn't realized it was Lucy's 1 month anniversary until like 4:00 pm that day. I remember feeling so guilty. I of course still thought of her all the time, I just wasn't thinking of the dates. Don't feel bad Honey, I'm positive that Matthew is not the least bit upset about you not remembering the date till later.
I think a memorial garden is an excellent idea. We are trying to do something of that nature for Lucy as well, but I can't figure out what yet...some kind of fountain or statue or something.
The anniversaries, big and small, hit me differently all the time. I dealt pretty well with Eva's second angelversary, but I'm having a very difficult time with Declan's upcoming first angelversary. I didn't (and don't) always notice the months ticking by, but then - out of the blue - something reminds me and it practically brings me to me knees. Don't feel badly about 'missing' an anniversary. Your love for Matthew and your grief and sadness over his absence is there every day.
I love the idea of a memorial garden. We were given a lilac tree in memory of Eva and an apple tree in memory of Declan, and they both mean so much to me. I feel some measure of peace when I am pruning them and cleaning up around them. It makes me feel like I still get to care for my children some how.