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Did it get harder


Forum: Stillbirth

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  #1  
August 9th, 2010, 10:28 AM
MeganMomof5's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Did things get harder when you started getting close to the one year mark? Starting next month I have so many dates to get past...My cancer surgery, which I consider the start of it all...My 2nd babies due date is September 28th, then the 30th is the day that I think Ella passed away...Oh and September 21st is the day that I found out she was a girl....Then October is going to be sooooo hard...I just find myself being down and depressed and not looking forward to any of these dates...Will they get better as the years go by, or will these dates always be hard? I just can't believe it's already been a year, so much has happened and a year ago I never thought that my life would be like this.
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  #2  
August 9th, 2010, 10:54 AM
ambee's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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For me, they did get easier. Every year brought a little less bitterness and a little less of the bite. It became less raw I guess you could say. Big, big hugs.
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  #3  
August 9th, 2010, 02:13 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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It hasn't gotten easier for me. Every year...it's just as hard. Sometimes it feels hard because I expect it to be easier I think.

Cora's birthday this year was on Sunday. Her fourth. A fellow angel mom (my own mother's age) who lost a son to SIDS (he'd have been about my age), gave me a hug and we talked a bit. She said "Stop expecting it to be easier. It's not easy. You love your baby and therefore you miss your baby."

I do think that the first are the hardest though because you don't know what to expect emotionally. You remember all the things you should have done and the way things should have been. After that you've lived through it once before so you know you CAN live through it, and what it felt like, and you can prepare yourself for how it felt.

But, it hasn't ever really gotten easier for me.

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  #4  
August 9th, 2010, 02:26 PM
liz bevan's Avatar Super Mommy
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It has been a year and a half since we lost our son and I find I can function.
Some days are harder than others, but you will never be the same after the type of loss that we all have experienced. I know for me there is this empty feeling I get and it never really goes away.
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  #5  
August 9th, 2010, 03:25 PM
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Quote:
It hasn't gotten easier for me. Every year...it's just as hard. Sometimes it feels hard because I expect it to be easier I think.
This is how I am. We passed our 3 year marks in June and July. It's not any easier this year then it has been in the past. In ways it's almost harder because I think of what she would be doing now and isn't
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  #6  
August 9th, 2010, 07:20 PM
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Today is 2 years since we said goodbye to Katrina and I have to say it is much easier this year than it was last year. I was a mess last year and thought I wouldn't be able to make it through her first birthday, but this year was much simpler on me. Not saying that I don't think of Katrina often and miss her like CRAZY, but I just know how to deal with it better emotionally now.

Last edited by LaLaLa1; August 9th, 2010 at 07:34 PM.
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  #7  
August 9th, 2010, 07:28 PM
austinmommy3's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I can't say it gets any easier, at least not for me. We passed the 13 yr mark for my first loss, my precious Makenzie. Every year I dread the date, I start crying sporadically about a week before, and all the memories of holding her, her funeral, everything, flood back. I think I just am able to recognize it coming on more than I could early on.
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  #8  
August 9th, 2010, 07:49 PM
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It hasn't gotten easier for me, either. I do agree with Steph in that I know how to handle the emotions better. I avoid triggers and keep to myself as much as possible on the really difficult days. Truthfully, the pain is worse for me. I've lost my babies and my dreams. Big hugs Megan.
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  #9  
August 10th, 2010, 07:57 AM
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Eli's one year anniversary is in a little less than 3 weeks now. I've definitely found myself getting more emotional and crying more than I had been. But, it's different too because Isaac is due on Eli's birthday and so I am excited and sad all at the same time. It's been difficult because I don't want to be sad when Isaac is born but I just don't see any way around it. I'm pretty sure I am going to be a wreck. I'm definitely missing Eli a lot right now.
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  #10  
August 10th, 2010, 09:01 AM
MeganMomof5's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I think Ella's first birthday would of been easier on me if I was still pregnant and due the end of September...I'm thinking i'm so upset because not only am I reaching the 1 year mark of so many dates, but i've also lost 2 more babies since...I'm starting a group next week, and it goes through October, so i'm hoping that will help me.
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  #11  
August 10th, 2010, 11:33 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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That's very true Megan, I'm sure that has a lot to do with it. You've been through so much.



I, too, was very pregnant with Erin on Cora's first birthday. So I have the good things that have happened since to comfort myself with. I truly pray that you will have a light at the end of all of this.
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  #12  
August 11th, 2010, 07:38 AM
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I think it's different for everyone. For me, even though, we passed Eric's 1st Birthday mark in July, and I'm being pregnant, it didn't make it easier to deal with his angelversary. I was pretty depressed for several weeks before his Birthday and still feeling sad which I thought would pass after the date. Actually I was dreading July 12th, and thought once we pass the date, I could concentrate more on this pregnancy, but it doesn't seem to be that way. Maybe, it will get easier once I give birth and finally bring a baby home? I don't know. I always find myself thinking about what Eric would be like right now, and how nice it would've been to have him and the new baby.
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  #13  
August 18th, 2010, 03:54 AM
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hi im new here....its nearly 10 months since my baby grace was stillborn and i feel its definatley getting harder as its getting closer to the one year, so sorry you are suffering too xx
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