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Long day of tears today


Forum: Stillbirth

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  #1  
September 21st, 2010, 03:29 PM
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: The Heart of Rural England
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We've put all the burial care into the hands of the hospital and today, I had to open the envelope and fill it out. They let you know what happens and it was very hard reading it. There are 16 babies to a grave and it's completely filled in when it's full and a marker with all the baby's names are placed on the site. There is a funeral service where there may be other parents of other babies and each baby is placed in a casket and the parents have the option of carrying their own baby.

It will be on the hardest days in my life but just having him in my arms again feels so comforting. I just don't want to think about saying goodbye to him again.

Then my in laws called and mil broke down when asking if it would be ok to place flowers on her mom's grave in memory of our baby. I was touched and said of course and lost it. I was telling her how much he looked like Ethanael and she said, you had a boy? I felt horrible and didn't even realize Mick hadn't told them any details, the sex, or even his name. They loved his name.

We then started talking about family members and after she spoke to another family member she has confirmed that my dh's auntie on his dad's side had down syndrome and his mom's cousin had a stillbirth and her baby had down syndrome as well. I was shaking when she was telling me this and I want to make sure we get refered to the genetics dept to look into this further. I'm worried that it's hereditary on our part and need to know for our children to see if they carry any gene that would be passed on.

Then my midwife stopped by for a checkup and it was so hard. I had to take out papers so she could discharge me and Elijah's scan pics were in there. I lost it again. She is going to ring the hospital to follow up on our pictures from the hospital, I hope they are safe. So now I'm offically discharged from my midwife's care team. Hard to face the finality of that.
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  #2  
September 21st, 2010, 05:21 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton, CO
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Ugh, I'm so sorry about that honey. Such a hard day.

Isn't it just like man not to pass on all the important information?
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  #3  
September 21st, 2010, 07:40 PM
austinmommy3's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Austin, TX
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I am so sorry for the pain you have to endure, big big hugs to you. The single most difficult thing a mother has to endure, you will be in my thoughts and prayers.
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  #4  
September 22nd, 2010, 02:28 AM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
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awww such a hard day, big hugs hun
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  #5  
September 22nd, 2010, 10:25 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 2,705
That sounds like an enormously difficult day. The single most heartbreaking moment of everything surrounding my daughter's stillbirth was watching my husband lower her casket into the grave. I am so very glad that we buried her, it's just that the finality of it was heartwrenching.

Thinking of you. ((Hugs))
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  #6  
September 25th, 2010, 09:18 PM
Mega Super Mommy
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Stopping in from PAL. My heart is breaking for you, I am so sorry. No mother should have to bury their child. ((((HUGS))))
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  #7  
September 26th, 2010, 12:29 PM
Ben,Logan&Kaitlin'sMommy's Avatar Super Moderator
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the first year is the hardest - you will be told this over and over again - but you will get through it - we are all stronger because of our losses and we have a common bond with them that we never had before - we know we can get through anything if we can get through this

((HUGS))
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  #8  
September 27th, 2010, 09:16 AM
kc kc is offline
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i'm sorry about the hard time this is for you. the genetics testing is just blood work to see if you or your husband carry the gene, my hubby his brother is downs, so we began our process with genetics at the genetics clininc in orillia. there is a service in ontario, not sure if your hospital put you in contact with it, the PBSO, perinatal, beareavement , services, ontario. they offer support and they have memorial days ect..

i am glad you have supportive family, that helps so much.
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  #9  
September 27th, 2010, 09:51 AM
Pitridge's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm sorry it was such a hard day......Pam, I'm in tears, I want to be there with you to help you through this.......
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  #10  
September 27th, 2010, 06:01 PM
HopefulMommy81's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Annalise is hoping to be a big sister on June 28, 2014. Forever missing her big brother, Matthew, stillborn on July 1, 2010.
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