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Maybe this is morbid, to think this way, but DH and I were both in tears. His brother and sister should be 6 months too, but they're not here. Today, when Grant and I went to vote, everyone asked me if he was my first child. I just smiled weakly and said yes. That's what I tell strangers. I don't want to depress them or myself.
But Grant has an older brother. I have two children.
Maybe it seems stupid, but yesterday we celebrated Grant's half-birthday like a regular birthday. It's a victory for us, even if it's small.
It's ****** up that we think this way. I want to be naive like everybody else.
Ugh, that question is the worst. I started getting angry at myself for saying "yes she's my first" all the time, but at the same time I really don't want to get into it with everyone I talk to! Especially since someone asks me that about 10 times every time we go out. Gah.
And... yes on the "they're still alive." I swear every time she wakes up from a nap and I can hear her on the monitor I go into the bedroom and feel my heart leap that she is still alive! And there are days I hug her so tight and let my fingers rub her firm back and I think, WOW, she's real, she's REAL, and still here! I have literally just sat on the couch crying some days.
It's messed up, but it's also really good that we appreciate what we have.