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Forum: Stillbirth

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  #1  
December 9th, 2010, 05:12 AM
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,238
I thought I was going to have a breakdown last night at about 6:30... I suddenly realized, who knows why, that a month ago about that time my water broke.... Then I remembered how my baby came at 1:30 am on the 9th... Today marks a month since I lost my precious little one and everyone IRL will tell me how I'm being silly for being so emotional Why can't I be sad that my baby was taken from me? Why don't people get that it's hard and it hurts when you remember giving birth to your baby, but you can't take him/her home? Why are people just so insensitive in general? Today was probably a day I should have stayed home from work, but then I'd be dwelling on everything much more Today sucks!
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  #2  
December 9th, 2010, 05:17 AM
.:Stace:.'s Avatar .:Stace:.
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Location: Ontario, Canada
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Those people IRL that would even consider saying to you that you are being emotional need to be slapped!!! 1 month is a big thing and you have every right to be emotional!! Cry when you have to .... smile when you can .... think of Daniel whenever you want ..... talk about him as much as you need to!

I lost Patrick 8 months ago and I'm STILL emotional ..... but I've realized that it's OK to be emotional!!

Thinking of you today Tanya.
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  #3  
December 9th, 2010, 07:41 AM
noworries
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It is totally ok to feel however you need to feel and I give you permission to tell anyone off who tells you any differently. You lost a child, you are allowed to grieve and to cry. You are also allowed to feel happy at times too. The first months are really hard but it after a while, you learn to live with the pain and go longer without crying. It's been a year and 3 months since I lost Eli and I still cry sometimes....it's totally normal.
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  #4  
December 9th, 2010, 08:48 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Location: Littleton, CO
Posts: 43,573
It's been 4 1/2 years for me and I still cry sometimes. I can't believe people are telling you you're being overly emotional. It's only been a month! Like the other ladies said, just do what you need to do. Having a child die completely changes you, forever.

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  #5  
December 9th, 2010, 09:37 AM
Crystal O_o's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Im sorry Tonya, ((((HUGS))))
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  #6  
December 9th, 2010, 10:57 AM
liz bevan's Avatar Super Mommy
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We were told at the hospital that you will cry and will cry often.
When you think you don't have any tears left to shed, more will come.
This is natural and is expected. You lost a child.

Sending Hugs your way
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  #7  
December 9th, 2010, 11:22 AM
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Thank you so much for all of your understanding - It has been such a weird day, which has now been topped off by AF making an appearance - it would figure it would come today right There are just so many things to deal with & I almost broke down in the restroom at work - not such a great thing since most people here love to gossip about others... I know I will make it through, after all I have to, but sometimes I don't want to be the strong person, sometimes I want to be the one that can't handle things - I know you will understand what I mean, confusing as it is.
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  #8  
December 9th, 2010, 11:28 PM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
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im like 5 1/2 years since my loss and im emotional alot still you cant just turn off feeling sad its a long process!
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  #9  
December 10th, 2010, 07:07 AM
rebeccabaltimore and more's Avatar (rebeccabaltimore)
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 1,842
Eventually you'll be able to just roll your eyes at those people. Everyone let me grieve as much as I wanted, right up until my rainbow baby was born. Now I have a baby, I'm not supposed to mourn my first baby. As if Grant is just a replacement baby! That is so unfair to Grant! "Well darling, we don't love you for you, we love you because you are a replacement for your brother."

I'm coming up on 2 years since losing Ethan, and I am in a place in my grief that allows me to know that this is the right way to grieve and they it's going to be for awhile, and to accept that other people are just not going to get that. DH gets it, my mom and MIL get it, my sister and SIL get it, and everyone else can shut their trap.
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  #10  
December 10th, 2010, 12:26 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2009
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I don't get where people come off thinking they have the right to tell someone to stop grieving their baby or to stop being so emotional about it. I would never, in a million years, tell someone something awful like that who has lost someone - let it be a stillborn baby or a grandparent or a brother or what have you.

/end rant.

I'm sorry you're starting to deal with those people already. I think I can safely say that all of us here have been in that situation where some people just don't understand why we're sad. Unfortunately some people out there discredit our baby for an actual baby because they never took a breath and you're probably going to come across quite a few people like that. Eventually you'll learn to just let it go in one ear and directly out the other.

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  #11  
December 11th, 2010, 11:15 AM
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Join Date: Nov 2009
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I think we have all experienced something similar to this. Most people just don't understand what it is to lose a child. I'm sorry you have to deal with it. It is 100% normal to be feeling grief right now, and for a long time to come. It's not something you just "get over". Grief is something you work through over time. Feel free to be sad and remember your sweet Daniel.
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