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I've been thinking a lot lately about what to say when asked "when did it happen?" or when he comes up in conversation. Naturally the conversation turns to what happened and all that. Is it wrong or inaccurate to claim infant loss when a child never takes a breath? I've seen some state they lost their [stillborn] infant son/daughter. Sometimes I think the term 'stillborn' invalidates the loss. Like the babies that were born sleeping weren't infants or babies because they didn't live outside the womb. I get the feeling that if I say Duncan was born still others might think to themselves "He wasn't a real baby so it doesn't really apply to him." But then I don't know what to say to avoid this. Like had he lived minutes or hours he would have magically gained 'infant' status. I actually called a woman out in a debate recently that said stillborn babies aren't 'real' children like babies lost later on.
I really, really don't like the terms 'stillborn' or 'stillbirth.' They sound so cold and clinical.
Aeon, mama to Grace, 12/04; Evangeline, 11/06; Duncan, 11/08 ; Henry, 12/09; and Ruby, 11/14.
I tell people she was stillborn. I feel like it would be dishonest to say anything else. She died before she was born. I never got to see her alive. I've had people say "at least it didn't happen later" and I tell them exactly how I feel about that. I feel like I'm "educating" them I guess, to help them realize that just because she never took a breath didn't mean that she wasn't living and she wasn't my child as much as Erin or Patrick.