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I literally feel like I'm falling apart. Every little thing has been triggering me. I knew this would happen, our DD was 12/23. But I didn't expect it to be like this. I want so badly for everything to be perfect for Christmas. Saturday, I told Tim not to go upstairs because his present was sitting there. Well, about an hour later, he went running upstairs for something, and I absolutely freaked out. I started bawling, and screaming, why did you go up there? He was so confused, and thankfully he didn't see his gift. When he asked why I was crying, all I could think about was Noah. All I want to give Tim is our beautiful baby boy, after all, he would have been our Christmas gift. But instead, Tim's getting a lousy bluray player. This isn't how it was supposed to be. We were supposed to have a full house, filled with toys and baby clothes.
I'm at work right now, and can feel the emotions start to spill out. I don't know how I'm going to make it through this week. I really don't.
Special thanks to AlexAiden Mommy for my precious siggy
Sending hugs your way.
I understand how you feel.
Our son died dec 2008 and we were expecting to have our son home with us from christmas. This time of year is difficult even if your baby wasn't due around christmas.
Ethan was born a few days before Valentines Day, and every year I see all these happy couples planning their futures and I just want to scream to them to stop smiling and being happy, you don't always get the future you plan.