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Falling Apart


Forum: Stillbirth

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  #1  
December 20th, 2010, 08:41 AM
AndyBee's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Gresham, OR
Posts: 692
I literally feel like I'm falling apart. Every little thing has been triggering me. I knew this would happen, our DD was 12/23. But I didn't expect it to be like this. I want so badly for everything to be perfect for Christmas. Saturday, I told Tim not to go upstairs because his present was sitting there. Well, about an hour later, he went running upstairs for something, and I absolutely freaked out. I started bawling, and screaming, why did you go up there? He was so confused, and thankfully he didn't see his gift. When he asked why I was crying, all I could think about was Noah. All I want to give Tim is our beautiful baby boy, after all, he would have been our Christmas gift. But instead, Tim's getting a lousy bluray player. This isn't how it was supposed to be. We were supposed to have a full house, filled with toys and baby clothes.

I'm at work right now, and can feel the emotions start to spill out. I don't know how I'm going to make it through this week. I really don't.
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  #2  
December 20th, 2010, 09:24 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,238


I wish there were something I could do or say to make everything right for you again...
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  #3  
December 20th, 2010, 10:00 AM
liz bevan's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Edmonton, AB
Posts: 996
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Sending hugs your way.
I understand how you feel.
Our son died dec 2008 and we were expecting to have our son home with us from christmas. This time of year is difficult even if your baby wasn't due around christmas.

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  #4  
December 21st, 2010, 07:12 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton, CO
Posts: 43,523
I was due on Mother's Day with Cora, and this is exactly how I felt that day.

The due date is hard. The first Christmas is hard. To have them both together has got to be overwhelming.
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  #5  
December 21st, 2010, 09:06 AM
rebeccabaltimore and more's Avatar (rebeccabaltimore)
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 1,842
Ethan was born a few days before Valentines Day, and every year I see all these happy couples planning their futures and I just want to scream to them to stop smiling and being happy, you don't always get the future you plan.
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  #6  
December 21st, 2010, 08:43 PM
Proud Momma
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 3,781
I was to be due with Katrina in December 2008 and she was supposed to be the most amazing Christmas gift. Christmas was absolutely awful for me that year.

Sending hugs that you can make it through this difficult week.
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  #7  
December 29th, 2010, 07:02 AM
Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 244
I am late to this thread, but just wanted to say I understand. I hope you're holding up. Christmas is a hard enough holiday when you've lost a child and even harder that it's your due date month.


*hugs*
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Laura-32
Mike-35
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10/06/08
Logan stillborn, loved beyond measure

Journey to Logan video http://smilebox.com/playBlog/4e54597...314d673d3d0d0a
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