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Angelversary Party being psychologically damaging??


Forum: Stillbirth

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  #1  
March 10th, 2011, 04:19 PM
mommy2mykiddos's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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My son has been gone for what will be two years on Monday. Last year I had a little birthday party for him in the park. We celebrated it like he was here, had a cake, a pinata, and balloon release. It was nice and although there were a few tears shed, for the most part it was just a celebration. Before this on his due date I had a small party at my home and we lite a candle and had cake. My sisters and their children attended both get togethers. Now this year I am going to have another party for him in the park with cake and balloons. My sister tells me that she can't bring her kids (they are 10 & 12) because it would be too psychologically damaging to them. To come to their own cousins party would be to damaging?? But coming to the others was ok? This started a huge fight in my family so I ended up just canceling the party. I will still remember my son but I don't need anyone else there to cause a fight.

Has anyone else experienced issues like this with their families around angel days?
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  #2  
March 10th, 2011, 06:34 PM
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I haven't experienced this but I am very sorry that you can not celebrate with your family. It is odd that she is deciding this now. Don't let them ruin your special day! You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
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  #3  
March 11th, 2011, 01:46 AM
Mom 2 Avery's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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My family doesn't acknowledge her any farther than "oh yeah, that is today, huh"

I personally say do what makes YOU feel better...she has her kids, she should at least let you have what you can!!!
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  #4  
March 11th, 2011, 08:30 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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I agree with Dawna. Do what you need to do. I'm sorry that she's not more supportive. I think she's using her kids as an excuse for something that makes *her* uncomfortable.

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  #5  
March 11th, 2011, 11:20 AM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
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i agree hun do what u want and what u feel u need to do,
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  #6  
March 11th, 2011, 01:35 PM
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And now that you're part of OUR family, your little one will never be forgotten!!!
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  #7  
March 11th, 2011, 08:31 PM
mommy2mykiddos's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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*tear* you ladies are so awesome. Thank you all so so much from the bottom of my heart.
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  #8  
March 12th, 2011, 04:36 PM
HopefulMommy81's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I agree with Brittanie- I think she is possibly using her kids to get out of it. I am sorry she isn't being supportive. I hope you can still do something to celebrate/remember your son. We are all here for you and will be remembering him on Monday, and every day.
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  #9  
March 13th, 2011, 06:15 PM
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I am so sorry hon. That seems like a ridiculous excuse. She can't shield her children from death all their lives and I bet they would love to be there to celebrate their cousins birthday.
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  #10  
March 13th, 2011, 06:24 PM
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I hope that you can find a way to celebrate Johnny's special day that will bring you the peace that you need.
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  #11  
March 13th, 2011, 11:39 PM
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My family would probably react in the similar way. I used to post/ vent a lot on here about them when it came to talk/celebrate / remember Eric . I used to say that they'll never understand, and I still do.
Sorry about your family being that way. Hope you get to do what you want for your son.
Hugs!
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  #12  
March 14th, 2011, 02:19 PM
NutMeg76's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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(((hugs)))

Did you decide to do somethign anyway? Today is his day, gentle thoughts coming your way.
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  #13  
March 14th, 2011, 03:16 PM
austinmommy3's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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My family never has gotten it, never will. We have a party at Makenzie's grave EVERY year. She is buried in a private family cemetery and it is beautiful. All of our friends go, my children, and Chris's parents. We take picnic food, a cake, balloons, and a wreath to put by her stone. This year will be 14 yrs we have been doing this. I feel blessed to have my SO. We have been together for four years, he NEVER forgets, buys her ornaments for the christmas tree, his parents always fly in from Philly to go with us for Makenzie's b-day. So even though my family thinks it is ridiculous, it warms my heart that he and his family think it is so important. You need to do what ever you want to remember your sweet angel!
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  #14  
March 15th, 2011, 06:41 PM
rebeccabaltimore and more's Avatar (rebeccabaltimore)
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As a former therapist I can say that it is unlikely to be damaging. However, in my family, everyone remembers Ethan and mourns him, but our birthday celebrations are just me, DH, and now our living son Grant. I don't think anyone else can appreciate a birthday party for Ethan. We're happier just keeping it to our own little family. Us, our kids, our dog.
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  #15  
March 18th, 2011, 08:48 PM
mommy2mykiddos's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thank you so much ladies! I ended up having a small get together with some fam that didn't think it was so "damaging" to remember my son. It turned out nice.
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  #16  
March 21st, 2011, 11:17 AM
Ben,Logan&Kaitlin'sMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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We do a balloon release each year to remember Rebecca - even if it is just us that goes - it is always our way of remembering her -
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