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I'm still in the stage (I hope it's just a stage?) where I'm all over the place. Sunday I felt miserable, but had stuff planned with DH and my parents so I just faked it all day and ended up crying for a good part of the night and the next morning. But yesterday (Tuesday) I felt great. Today's been somewhere in between.
I'm about where you are. I'm still not sleeping at night, and spend the night crying. I've gone back to work, and I can pretty much hold it together there, but as soon as I have a quiet moment, I fall apart.
I hope you get to a point where things get easier.
DD Brooklynn 8-4-01
DD Libby 6-18-04
DS Gavin 8-20-08
DS Carter born still 3-2-11 (20 weeks)
It's a GIRL!!! EDD 3-6-12
Well, Cora's birthday is coming up, so it's been on my mind lately.
But honestly? I am all over the place too, 5 years later. I just spend longer in the good places, if that makes sense. I think grief is a better described as a journey or a process than a series of stages. You're never really "done."
I actually wrote a blog post about it a while back (here)
To you ladies. At first it's so hard. After a while, I don't know, I hope this doesn't sound jaded, but you get used to it.
Ladies, your losses are all still very new. I promise it will get better. The hard days will become fewer and you will have good days more often. Your babies will always be a part of your lives and you will always miss them, but after a while, you won't cry every day and you will sometimes be able to talk about your sweet little one without crying (not always, but sometimes). You find a new normal and learn to live with the hole in heart that losing your baby has left.
It's been over a year and a half for me and life is good again. I still have days that I miss Eli and cry but not near as often as the first few months after losing him. I think about him often but can (sometimes) have peace about him not being here with me.