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Horrible. Makenzie's Angelversary is tomorrow. It's the first year I can't go back where she is buried because of problems with my kidneys. I usually do okay every year, but this year I am a mess, I feel like I am letting her down and just basically am in tears all the time.
Not great. Mary's due date is getting closer every day. I can't seem to get my head around the fact that I should still be pregnant but I'm not. We're trying to buy a house and it seems there are roadblocks everywhere we turn. I'm exhausted and sick of feeling like my life is turning into a series of one major disappointment after another.
I'm at my breaking point. Overwhelmed at home and work, Grant got diagnosed with allergies and asthma this morning, and every time I give him his treatment I have flashbacks to when he was in the NICU and really sick. I'm lonely and feel isolated. My anniversary is tomorrow and I don't even care. I have a big night planned Saturday night, Grant is going to sleep over my IL's, I was so excited to have my very first night away from him, and now I'm going to worry about my IL's having to do his treatments, he's not handling them well. And I started spotting, so I'll have AF by Saturday, so what's the ******* point.
Oh, and Grant's former nanny had a stillborn daughter earlier in the week. Naturally I have been supporting her, but that's hard on me.