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I just had to post because I just had someone else ask me the other day. I lost my son the day before I was schedule to be induced due to an umbillical cord accident. Everyone in my small town knew about him and I had been off work for a few months before hand so I was able to take my 5 year old to school and pick him up.
The one thing I dreaded was going back into the real world after he passed. I had come up with the standard "Unfortunately we lost him".. response when someone asked. I think I had prepared myself enough to handle it and I havn't cried once yet when someone asks me.. but its still so hard. I just took my son to get his hair cut the other day and the lady cutting hair at the barber perks up. "Where's the baby!?".. and I smiled nicely and said the standard response.. she felt HORRIBLE. I think sometimes I feel worse for people that ask than I do for myself. She even made the comment after saying how sorry she was.."wow do I feel stupid".. and I nicely reassured her that she wasn't the first and I was sure wasn't going to be the last. I have had 4 people ask me so far.
So for anyone thats just newly going through this I just want to say that what worked for me was just preparing a "standard answer".. helped me a LOT.. to know what I would say and to be ready for it made it easier. Most of the time I just gave the response.. and if I was feeling crappy that day I would smile and say thanks when they said sorry and then sidetrack the discussion to something else or just keep walking (people tend to understand). on a good day I would say Thanks.. and briefly explain that we lost him due to the umbillical cord.. For some reason if I can handle it, I like to tell his story and tell them that he was a perfect 8#5oz little boy with lots of dark hair.
I don't know what inclined me to post this.. but it was on my mind.. so I wrote.
Yeah, that was one of the hardest parts for me. Cora was born the day that was supposed to be my last work day before maternity leave. I worked at a gas station/convenience store in a small town that sold really cheap soda, so we had a lot of regulars. I was 38 weeks, so everyone knew I was going to have a baby soon, so it wasn't surprising when I took a month off. When I came back, though all my coworkers knew, none of the customers did and the first thing everyone asked was "How's your baby??"
Ugh. I agree, sometimes I felt bad for making them feel so bad, when really there was no reason for them NOT to assume everything was okay. It was really hard and I ended up changing jobs mostly because of that.
Yeah, I remember the first time someone asked and I was so caught off guard and didn't know what to say.
I'm glad you have joined us, you seem like a great person and I am glad to be able to get to know you.
That sounds like you're doing pretty well if you can handle the questions with your prepared answer and talk about him. It's hard when people feel so terrible... I always felt bad about that for some reason, like I was blindsiding them with this terrible news when they were expecting some happy answer.