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Today i'm 20 weeks 3 days...The last time I felt Ella move was September 30, 2009 just a little over 20 months ago and I was 20 weeks 3 days...I didn't find out till a week later, so i'm not sure exactly what day she passed...I honestly never thought i'd make it this far into another pregnancy...It's been really hard the last couple weeks...I'm trying to think positive, but in the back of my mind is always fear...Last night I had some cramping, which I think was just growing pains and I mentioned it to DH and he of course started to think the worst and I got upset...I feel like I can't even express how i'm really feeling because it's always going to be negative, and I get no support from anyone in my family...I've been really emotional also knowing that this baby boy probably is the same size as Ella, and knowing that this is the same time when her life ended...I also feel so guilty for loving this baby, almost like i'm betraying her...It's just a mixed bunch of emotions...I just hope over the next couple of weeks things will settle down and maybe I wont be so scared of another loss...I of course don't know how i'm going to feel or if i'll ever stop being worried, but that's what i hope for...I just wish I had a fast forward button.
It's so scary right around the time of a previous loss. I tried not to think about it when I passed that milestone, but I was very sensitive and emotional just in general. Getting past it was a huge relief. Hopefully your little one will be active and keep you reassured as you move forward!
Congratulations on making it past your loss point! I hope you will be able to relax in the next few weeks. Pregnancy after stillbirth is a stressful and emotional journey. I'm sorry that you aren't getting the support you need from your family, but we will support you! Sometimes (in my opinion) you just need the help of someone that's been there.
I'm so sorry I didn't see this until now! I haven't been on JM much lately.... I am so glad you made it past your loss point- I think that it was a huge milestone for me and I hope your little guy continues to do well and reassure his Mommy he is doing well! I am always around (mostly on FB) if you need anything! I don't think we will relax until we are holding our little ones in our arms and they are screaming their heads off! I personally can't wait for that to happen for both of us!
Annalise is hoping to be a big sister on June 28, 2014. Forever missing her big brother, Matthew, stillborn on July 1, 2010.