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Hurt/angry on behalf of a babyloss friend (her pregnancy mentioned)


Forum: Stillbirth

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  #1  
July 6th, 2011, 06:15 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Location: Littleton, CO
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So, my friend Janisa lives here in town. We met when she lost her baby boy at 19 weeks in December. ((I might have told you ladies about her)). Anyway, she was a old friend of my best friend whom I'd never actually met, and Telima gave us each others' contact info when she found out Janisa's Logan had died.

Anyway, Janisa has a 2 1/2 year old daughter, and is pregnant again. She announced yesterday that it's another (healthy!!!) girl, and she got this comment:

"Congrats!! (and, I must say, that I absolutely love having all of the same gender. I wouldn't change it for anything! You're going to love it!)"


I just wanted to slap that lady and say "She's SUPPOSED to have a girl and A BOY!!" But I didn't. Janisa is not as open about her loss as I am and I didn't want to start anything during her happy moment. But it made me mad.
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  #2  
July 6th, 2011, 07:30 AM
noworries
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People say some stupid things thinking that they are actually being helpful. Did this lady know about Janisa's son?
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  #3  
July 6th, 2011, 07:47 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Yeah, see, I have no idea if she knew or even realized. I don't know this lady. Another reason why I didn't say anything.
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  #4  
July 6th, 2011, 12:20 PM
MeganMomof5's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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That would make me mad too!!! Kind of reminds me of myself...When people ask what i'm having and I say a boy, and they ask "Oh I bet your so happy to have another boy" and I say "actually I kind of wanted a girl" and they go on and on about how I have 3 girls already and having a boy and brother for Jack is so great...They seem to forget that I had a baby girl die just 20 months ago? It really infuriates me...I wish people would just keep their mouth shut!
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  #5  
July 6th, 2011, 04:46 PM
Mega Super Mommy
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I think people don't realize that what they are saying is hurtful. I had someone ask me if I was having any more children, that my Gavin needed a brother. I didn't even know what to say to the moron.
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  #6  
July 7th, 2011, 07:13 AM
noworries
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Yeah, I constantly get comments on how lucky I am to have a boy and girl, that it's so perfect and I always think (but rarely say) that I have a girl and TWO boys.
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  #7  
July 7th, 2011, 08:43 AM
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I hate being asked if I have any kids. Most of the time I don't want to get into it, but then I feel guilty that I'm not honoring their memory.
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  #8  
July 7th, 2011, 12:42 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Quote:
Originally Posted by noworries View Post
Yeah, I constantly get comments on how lucky I am to have a boy and girl, that it's so perfect and I always think (but rarely say) that I have a girl and TWO boys.
Before I got pregnant again, I got told I had the "perfect" family all the time. I wanted to say "something perfect wouldn't have a huge hole in the middle of it like my family does."

Quote:
Originally Posted by Squishy View Post
I hate being asked if I have any kids. Most of the time I don't want to get into it, but then I feel guilty that I'm not honoring their memory.
I think we've all felt that way before. I hate telling people I have "two and one on the way." But I also don't like getting into it with strangers.
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  #9  
July 11th, 2011, 03:15 AM
Ben,Logan&Kaitlin'sMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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those comments piss me off too - but everyone handles loss differently and may not have shared her loss with everyone - a lot of people on my facebook only found out about Rebecca when her angelversary came up
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