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  #1  
September 23rd, 2011, 08:13 AM
momma S's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 837
I am not sure what to even say here. I lost my baby boy and girl twins one week ago tonight at 22 weeks. I am a mess. I just don't know what to do. I cry all day and each day is harder not easier. I don't know who to talk to. I worked so hard for this pregnancy, 9 IUI's and 2 IVF's. We have never gotten pregnant on our own and I just turned 35 in the hospital when I was on bedrest for two weeks. I am so sad and feel like this horrible feeling will never get better. Just looking for some support from others who have been where I am right now. How does one get through this? This is the worst feeling I have ever felt in my life.
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  #2  
September 23rd, 2011, 08:47 AM
Jaidynsmum's Avatar Dreams do come true....
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I'm so sorry for your loss hun. If the truth be told, no-one knows how you get through it. You just do. In time the pain lessens, the tears flow less, but we never ever forget xxx
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  #3  
September 23rd, 2011, 10:03 AM
BlessednHighlyFavored's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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hi momma.welcome with open arms...i am terribly sorry for your loss. I recently lost my son on sept 2,2011.he was born still at full term. it was the hardest thing i ever been through. i didnt think i wanted to go on living as this was a miracle baby for us. i was told i would never get pregnant and it took us 6 years to do so.i just want you to know that time will heal but you are always going to have that hole in your heart.there are some wonderful ladies here and you are free to talk about anything you need to. again hugs.
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  #4  
September 23rd, 2011, 11:16 AM
momma S's Avatar Super Mommy
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thanks ladies...

My name is Sheri by the way...

miraclebaby- do you feel any better after three weeks? I am so sorry for you loss. I think infertility makes this 100 times harder. I can't just get pg again easily and that makes me even more sad. I just feel sick all day. I won't let anyone visit me. I was in the hospital for two weeks and wouldn't let anyone come either. I am sheltering myself off just like I did when I was trying so long to get pregnant. My head hurts from crying and I think of my loss every minute of every day. I keep telling my husband he is going to get sick of me being sad. He is being really supportive and said he would never leave me, we are in this together.
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  #5  
September 23rd, 2011, 12:01 PM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
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its with a warm welcome that you had to join us here as yvonne said In time the pain lessens, the tears flow less. Its so very raw to you hun. please come by here and ask. scream or whatever you need to do we will be here for you. the ladies here are amazing!. I can't imagine having to go throu all your fertility struggles hun i pray for a miracle (())

im claire and i lost my baby daughter Jessica on 17th June 2005
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  #6  
September 23rd, 2011, 02:48 PM
MeganMomof5's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm so sorry for the loss of your babies ...I lost my baby girl Ella at 22 weeks almost 2 years ago...I remember feeling the exact same way as you...I know it doesn't seem like it now, but things will get better (never the same) in time...Please know that we are all hear for you if you need anything (((hugs)))
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  #7  
September 23rd, 2011, 05:02 PM
BlessednHighlyFavored's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by momma S View Post
thanks ladies...

My name is Sheri by the way...

miraclebaby- do you feel any better after three weeks? I am so sorry for you loss. I think infertility makes this 100 times harder. I can't just get pg again easily and that makes me even more sad. I just feel sick all day. I won't let anyone visit me. I was in the hospital for two weeks and wouldn't let anyone come either. I am sheltering myself off just like I did when I was trying so long to get pregnant. My head hurts from crying and I think of my loss every minute of every day. I keep telling my husband he is going to get sick of me being sad. He is being really supportive and said he would never leave me, we are in this together.
hey again momma.i do notice a difference in myself today as opposed to when I got the news. when i got the news i was a total wreck and didnt want anything or anybody to touch me.i even wanted t kill myself.... i kept snatching my gown off and anybody thats says i no how you feel but i never been in this situation i just wanted to murder. remeber that you and your husband are going through this together. he may not cry as much as you and may not even seem sad but believe me he is. for some reason they feel they have to be strong for us.you will have your moments when you may want to lash out for no reason.its ok and just do what you feel. i found being around CERTAIN family and friends made it easier. I still don't let some people come around or answer thier calls because they ask too many questions or leave stupid comments. i find comfort in having time to spend with him in the hospital and i have his momentos that i like to just look at and touch sometimes and it makes me feel alot better. i am still new to this game but ask me anything and cry and vent to me anytime you want.hugs
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  #8  
September 23rd, 2011, 06:30 PM
Mom 2 Avery's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Hi Sheri! I'm Dawna, and I delivered my angel Avery at 22 weeks just over six years ago. I don't know how you feel about medications, but they prescribed Lexapro when I had Avery and I don't know that I would have made it this far without it! I only took it for six months, but the difference was amazing!!!

If there is ever a time you need to visit, pop right on in!
We're always here!!!
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  #9  
September 24th, 2011, 11:43 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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I'm sorry to have to welcome you here, but you are very welcome.

Slowly but surely it gets better. Like dawn gets gradually lighter, it'll slowly but surely get better.

I'm sure the infertility makes it so difficult though. To have worked so hard to get pregnant in the first place...it just breaks my heart thinking about it.

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  #10  
September 24th, 2011, 02:19 PM
momma S's Avatar Super Mommy
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I am having a really hard time right now. This feeling of sadness is just so overwhelming I don't know how to handle it. I am so angry and guility thinking of all the things I shouldn't have done the weekend I ended up in the hospital. I was so worried about getting their room ready and getting clothes organized, grocery shopping done... ugh, I can't stop beating myself up about it. If I had just did NOTHING maybe I would have gotten them a couple more weeks to viability. I can't stand feeling like this. I have an anxiety med, but it only calms some, I still feel like total garbage.
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  #11  
September 26th, 2011, 08:59 AM
noworries
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I am so sorry for the loss of your babies. I remember having those "what if" thoughts about things that I had done. It is not your fault.
I know that for me talking about my baby helped me through the healing process. Do you have anyone that will let you talk about your babies? If not, maybe going to see a professional that you can talk to will help.
It takes time. Allow yourself to grieve however you need to and allow yourself as much time as you need. Feel however you need to feel in the moment.
With time, you will learn to live with the pain and find a new normal.
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  #12  
September 29th, 2011, 04:58 AM
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I am so very sorry for the loss of your babies
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  #13  
October 1st, 2011, 10:27 PM
Mega Super Mommy
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Location: New York
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I am real sad to welcome you here. I can relate to "what ifs" so much. I still believe that if I hasn't done certain things or paid more attention to my pregnancy that last week he could have been alive. This feeling never goes away. But you will learn to live with it. I can guarantee you that. You probably won't believe it now but it does get easier with time . Again, I'm so sorry for your loss. Come here and post away any time you feel like it. We truly do understand .
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  #14  
October 2nd, 2011, 06:02 PM
momma S's Avatar Super Mommy
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Thank you ladies for your support. My babies have been gone just over two weeks and I will say I am starting to feel a little bit better. The guilt is lessing and I am not crying all day. I am still having the "what ifs", which I don't think will go away anytime soon. I just feel so tired even if I get a good nights sleep. My dr perscribed sleeping pills, which let me get to sleep but I don't feel rested at all. My head just won't stop thinking when I go to sleep without taking something. I also feel a lot of anxiety. I don't want to leave my house, talk to the neighbors or anyone on the phone but my sister and I have serious anxiety even thinking about going to the store. I had my follow up with my OB on Friday and she had my regular dr call to have me come in for my anxiety. Anyone else feel this way after their loss? I feel safe in my home, but I don't want to have to handle the outside world. I work from home, so I don't have to leave it...
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  #15  
October 4th, 2011, 11:06 PM
Mega Super Mommy
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I had a similar experience. I didn't want to leave my house, I didn't want to speak to anyone. We cut off all of our friends from our lives ( Dh basically e-mailed all of our friends to leave us alone for a while). I didn't want to get out of bed for days. I was so terrified to go back to work in 6 weeks. The day I went back to work was one of the hardest days in my life. So I think it's normal to have all these feelings.
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  #16  
October 7th, 2011, 01:35 AM
Ben,Logan&Kaitlin'sMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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((hugs))
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  #17  
October 10th, 2011, 04:06 PM
Mega Super Mommy
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Sheri,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your twins. I'm glad to hear that you are feeling a little better. There will be good days and bad days. It's been six months since we said goodbye to our son, and there are still moments that I fall apart. I hope you can find some peace at this difficult time.
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