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Friday is Ella's birthday...I've been a bit emotional...I had my baby 6 days ago...It was a scary labor with lots of decels, and I thought for sure I was going to have a C-section...The night before he was born (It took 4 days to induce my labor) was the worst for decels..That night I was a bit obsessive about his heartrate...I asked the nurse about it and she told me not to worry and turned the sound off and left the room...That's something you should never do to a woman who's had a stillbirth...Laying in the hosptial bed, not hearing his heartrate just brought back so much, and I broke down and had an anxiety attack, it was horrible....He ended up being born nice and healthy the next morning...His birthday is just 8 days before Ella's...He got put back into the hospital Monday for jaundice and dehydration...It was so hard knowing how sick he was, and how I could of lost him...It was so hard having my newborn and not being able to hold him...I've been a bit obsessive with holding and looking at him...I'm not sleeping much because I just can't get enough of him...Any way it's Ella's birthday on friday, and we are doing what we did last year...I bought 2 willow tree angels to remember her by, and we will go let balloons go at sunset (hopefully it wont be rainy)...Last year my daughter read a poem about her first birthday in heaven...I'd like to do something kind of the same, so I was wondering if anyone knew of any good poems?
I was hoping that having a baby would take away the pain, but it's almost harder knowing that I didn't have with her...Don't get me wrong, I love him soooo very much, but It's still hard...I think he looks kind of like her in the nose/mouth area.
Congrats on your baby boy! What's his name, by the way?
I can definately relate to what you're describing. Last year when I was in the hospital in my room waiting to completely dialate, dh and I were glued to the monitor. I couldn't think of anything else I was just watching Michael's heartbeat. When the nurse told me to lie on the side and I couldn't face the monitor I kept asking dh every 2 minutes - how's his heartbeat. I was so terrified thinking back to July 2009 about Eric and thinking that any minute Michael's heartbeat would stop. I was having anxiety up until the minute Michael was born. For about two hours after he was born I was happy and stress free until we learned that he had to go to the NICU. Then it started all over for me again. For 5 days that Michael stayed in the NICU, I couldn't sleep or do anything. It was tough especially after what we went thru.
I hope your day tomorrow would be good and peaceful.
Congrats! We'd love more details about your new baby boy.
Isaac was born 5 days before Isaac's first birthday so I understand how that is.
I Only Wanted You
They say memories are golden, well, maybe that is true.
I never wanted memories, I only wanted you.
A million times I cried.
If love alone could have saved you, you never would have died.
In life I loved you dearly,in death I love you still.
In my heart you hold a place no one else could fill.
If tears could build a stairway and heartache make a lane.
I'd walk the path to Heaven and bring you back again.
Our family chain is broken, and nothing seems the same.
But as God calls us back one by one, the chain will link again.
Congrats on your baby boy. My baby is due the same week as Carter's b-day, and I'm hoping that we have them far enough away from each other that I can keep Carter's day special. I hope that Friday is a peaceful day for you to honor Ella.
DD Brooklynn 8-4-01
DD Libby 6-18-04
DS Gavin 8-20-08
DS Carter born still 3-2-11 (20 weeks)
It's a GIRL!!! EDD 3-6-12