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  #1  
October 23rd, 2011, 01:24 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1
My angel grew her wings on 9-16-11. She was to be my fifth child and first daughter. I didn't even know I was having a girl until the ultrasound telling me that she had died. Here is my story for those who want to read it:

My DF and I have four (five counting our angel) children, and only one together (2 if you count our angel). He didn't want anymore kids. We had an accident one night and what do you know, I was pregnant. Fast forward to September. DF and I both work night shift so needless to say I don't get alot of sleep. I usually take naps at work on every break. On a tuesday night at work, I just had a feeling that something was wrong with the baby. She was too tiny to feel alot of movement. I usually only felt her moving when i was laying on my belly, so I couldn't go by that. I didnt have any pain or bleeding. I wasn't really tired like I normally was. But, I just had a feeling something was wrong. So, I came home and went to bed. On wednesday, after taking the boys to daycare, I came back home and decided to listen to her heartbeat, just to put my mind at ease. An hour later, I still couldn't find a heartbeat, so I called the L&D hall at the hospital and the nurse wanted me to come in just to be checked out. The nurse couldn't find a hearbeat either so we did an ultrasound where she confirmed my worst fear, my baby had died, mostly likely on monday night or tuesday during the day and it was a girl. The girl that I had wanted for so many years. I was admitted to the hospital on thursday afternoon and put into labor at 2:00 pm. I delivered my 1 lb 5 in baby girl at 12:50 am on 9-16-11. that was most likely the worst time of my life. I began bleeding out because the placenta tore in half and wouldn't come out the rest of the way so friday morning I was rushed in for an emergency D&C.


we buried her saturday morning next to my oldest son, her brother, that died in a car wreck.

Now, my DF has decided, against what I want and without taking me into consideration, that he is done having kids and doesn't want anymore. I feel like I can't be happy again until I'm pregnant again. Why do i feel this way? I just want to hold my baby girl and raise her into a beautiful young woman. what is the harm in that? I'm so angry at him, that I've considered leaving him! Am i alone in this or do you ladies feel this way or have you gone thru this similar thing?
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  #2  
October 23rd, 2011, 10:21 PM
noworries
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I am so sorry that you have to join us. You and your husbands emotions are still very raw and you both may feel and say things out of grief that may change later.
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  #3  
October 23rd, 2011, 11:35 PM
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,238
I am so sorry for your loss... I agree that it is really too soon to make any decisions - your emotions are too fresh right now and you need to give it some time and talk it through.
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  #4  
October 24th, 2011, 07:53 AM
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Location: DEWITT MICHIGAN
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S so sorry for your loss. I agree with the other girls your emotions are vert fresh and raw right now and what you are feeling is completly normal. give ut some time and talk to each other. I know you feel alone but you are not........
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  #5  
October 24th, 2011, 07:07 PM
liz bevan's Avatar Super Mommy
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I am so sorry for your loss.
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  #6  
October 25th, 2011, 04:49 AM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm so sorry for your loss. Husbands grieve very differently from us. But keep in mind that he is grieving too. He is the only other person in the world who lost exactly what you did... your beautiful daughter. I hope you can talk with him and be able to grieve together. Don't talk about more children right now. Both of you need time to heal a bit.
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  #7  
October 25th, 2011, 01:25 PM
FL Mama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Our stories are sort of similar. Mine jut happened last week. I started bleeding, went to the ER, found out through an u/s that there was no HB, delivered my baby, and had to have a D&C because the placenta would not come out. Unfortunately, we could not tell the sex of the baby because it was only measuring at 13wks, but I had had a strong feeling through the entire pregnancy that this was my girl that I had been wanting and waiting for. Things were just different, yk?

I can completely understand your DF's fears. Although my DH and I plan to TTC as soon as the doctor says we can, I am scared. I am scared to lose another one. Terrified. But I am also determined to be pregnant again and have another baby. Give your DF time, and be honest about your feelings. Hopefully he will come around, but until then we are all here for you.
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  #8  
October 25th, 2011, 06:00 PM
momma S's Avatar Super Mommy
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I am sorry for your loss as well... I lost my twins Lucy and Isaiah on the exact same day, 9-16-11 I am still feeling very sad, angry, etc. I very much want another baby and would love to be pregnant again so you are not alone at all. I think about it ALL of the time. I think it is a very normal feeling when your baby dies. I don't think we are in the right state of mind for any major decision making at this time. At least I am not. I hope you find peace as time goes on.
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  #9  
November 19th, 2011, 09:10 AM
Ben,Logan&Kaitlin'sMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I am so sorry for your loss.

I completely understand the need for another child - I had that feeling too after Rebecca died - she was not planned and after she died, it was all that was on my mind.
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  #10  
December 21st, 2011, 12:21 PM
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 257
I had a similar experience when I lost my little girl. My placenta would absolutely not come out, and I bled all over the place. My husband thought I was going to die. I had to have a D&C. The doctor said the placenta was sitting like a flap over the top of the cervix.

After I got out of the hospital, I became obsessed with getting pregnant again. I just felt so defective. Through group counseling, I found out that it's a normal feeling to have. I was able to get pregnant again right away. In hind sight, I wish I would have waited longer. The combination of the hormones from the two pregnancies combined with the trauma gave me panic attacks so badly.

I hope you two can work this out. Right now, the feelings are so raw. Hugs!
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  #11  
January 13th, 2012, 08:35 PM
HopefulMommy81's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I am so sorry about your precious little girl. After losing Matthew, DH and I both wanted another baby almost right away, even though I was so scared to get pregnant again. I got pregnant 5 months after Matthew was born- our second month TTC. I agree that you shouldn't hold anything against your DF right now- men do grieve differently and hopefully you both can come to the same decision eventually.
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  #12  
February 14th, 2012, 12:29 PM
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I'm so sorry for your loss. I totally understand how you are feeling. I hope that you and DF can work things out and find a way to heal during this difficult time.
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  #13  
February 15th, 2012, 10:16 AM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
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so sorry for your loss x (())
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