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Can I ask what everyone chose to do with remains?


Forum: Stillbirth

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  #1  
October 27th, 2011, 05:15 PM
momma S's Avatar Super Mommy
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I can't believe it has been almost six weeks since I lost my twins and we still have not made arrangements. They are at the funeral home (whom are being very patient with us) and we need to decided soon if we are cremating or doing a burial. I am so on the fence and my DH is also. We like both options for different reasons. If you don't mind sharing I would really like to hear what you did and why that was your choice (cremate or bury). I know it is a personal decision but I appreciate any thoughts.

Last edited by momma S; October 27th, 2011 at 06:29 PM.
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  #2  
October 27th, 2011, 06:54 PM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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We buried our son next to my brother (his namesake) and my grandmother. We were given his plot and we bought the plot next to him. When I die, I'll be buried underneath him (he is only a few feet down and adults are buried much farther down) and my husband will be in the plot next to us.

I have many days, though that I wish I had him with me. I think if I had time to think about it I would have had him cremated.
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  #3  
October 27th, 2011, 06:58 PM
FL Mama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Ugh, I typed up a whole response and it disappeared! Grrrr!

Anyway, I actually had the hospital take care of my baby's remains. Hubby and I regret that now, but at the time I was alone, overwhelmed, confused, sad, and drugged. I didn't know what to say. We now wish we had had the baby cremated. To me, with cremation, you always have them with you and close to you. They have lots of different kinds of jewelry these days that you can put ashes into. We had our dog cremated a few years ago, and I have a necklace with some of his ashes in it. I also have a mini-urn with some, too.
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  #4  
October 27th, 2011, 08:50 PM
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We chose to cremate because we aren't sure we are living where we want to be permanently. Our plan is to have her buried with whichever one of us dies first.
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  #5  
October 28th, 2011, 01:01 AM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
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buriel, i wanted somewhere to go visit and talk be with...but sometimes i wish i had her ashes if we had cremated her to be with me at all times
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  #6  
October 28th, 2011, 06:49 AM
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We decided on cremation and have the urn with his ashes on our fireplace mantle. I like having 'him' at home with us. He'll be buried with me when I die.
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  #7  
October 28th, 2011, 07:21 AM
momma S's Avatar Super Mommy
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I like the idea of having somewhere to visit and see them if we burried them. But, they would be burried with other infants, and we could never be burried next to them. We do not have plots bought or a spot picked out like that.

I like the idea of having the necklace and we have a book of urns and jewlery from the funeral home. I have some things I like and the I can engrave their names on everything. I can then have them with me when I die. But, the thought of cremating them kind of freaks me out, the burning and all. I know they are not in those bodies, but it just all makes me sad. I thougth I could deal with this all by now.
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  #8  
October 28th, 2011, 08:55 AM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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This is something no parent should ever have to deal with. It is terribly awful and you have every right to feel all the emotions you feel and take a lot of time to decide. Nothing is ever going to be perfect. The perfect thing would be having them in your arms. I'm so sorry you even have to think about this!
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  #9  
October 28th, 2011, 03:13 PM
Jaidynsmum's Avatar Dreams do come true....
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Ceilidh is buried, when I die I'll be cremated and then buried with her.
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  #10  
October 28th, 2011, 06:07 PM
lunarmagic's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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We had the hospital take care of it, he was buried. I always thought I'd be cremated, but when Devin died I felt comforted knowing that his bones would be there for archaeologists. Which is kind of silly really, but there it is. 3 years later it doesn't seem to be such a big deal either way, he has a plot in a cemetary that we still have not ordered a stone for. (Talk about procrastination.)
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  #11  
October 29th, 2011, 08:16 AM
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I was freaked out by the idea of cremation at first too. But, the more I thought about it, the more it seemed like the right choice for us. You have to go with what feels right for you.
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  #12  
October 30th, 2011, 01:01 AM
BlessednHighlyFavored's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I chose burial and he is in baby land but his grandfathers are both right across the driveway from him so he is still close to family. He also in a different city from us now but in a city where hubby and I both grew up.
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  #13  
October 31st, 2011, 07:27 PM
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We went with cremation, but not for the reason that the others have spoken of. I'm horribly squeamish/creeped out about human remains. It was actually awful for me to have the ashes in our house for the little while we did. I didn't feel like I had her "home" with me, because I didn't consider what was left her. But we were living in the little town we were in simply because Matt was going to school there, and we knew we'd be moving when he graduated. I couldn't bear the thought of leaving a grave. That and we couldn't afford the casket or plot or any of that.

We spread her ashes on the water of a beautiful lake in Grand Teton National Park.
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  #14  
November 1st, 2011, 11:51 AM
momma S's Avatar Super Mommy
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Thank you ladies for all of you responses... we have chose to go with cremation even though I am not 100% for it. It just seemed like the better option for us. I am going to get a necklace and we got their names and DOB on the urn. I am ready for them to come home and to get some closure on this.
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  #15  
November 1st, 2011, 11:53 AM
MeganMomof5's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I also choose cremation...I have her ashes in an urn I keep in my bedroom...I like having her near me...I couldn't stand the thought of having her somewhere else.
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  #16  
November 2nd, 2011, 12:51 PM
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We had both Eva and Declan cremated and their urns are on our fireplace mantel. I was afraid that if they were buried and we moved, I would not get to 'see them' whenever I wanted. I really wanted them with me, and they will be buried with me when I die.
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  #17  
November 3rd, 2011, 05:35 AM
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Unfortunately, I let the hospital dispose of Daniel's remains... His loss was hard enough on me & I kept thinking about how any other option would impact my living children. I now wish I had him cremated & spread, but I can't go back. It was just such an emotional time- I am so sorry that you, and anyone else has to face making a decision like this.

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  #18  
November 14th, 2011, 09:43 PM
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We buried most of Calypso's ashes. But a vial was sent to a friend in New Zealand and were scattered into the ocean off of Waiheke Island. It was a fitting end for my Ocean baby
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  #19  
November 19th, 2011, 09:08 AM
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Rebecca was cremated and put in an urn and then buried.
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  #20  
November 21st, 2011, 07:44 AM
white.house's Avatar Kelli
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brittanie View Post
We went with cremation, but not for the reason that the others have spoken of. I didn't feel like I had her "home" with me, because I didn't consider what was left her. But we were living in the little town we were in simply because Matt was going to school there, and we knew we'd be moving when he graduated. I couldn't bear the thought of leaving a grave. That and we couldn't afford the casket or plot or any of that.

We spread her ashes on the water of a beautiful lake in Grand Teton National Park.

We chose cremation because we know we will not be living here for much longer. I can't fathom leaving a grave behind. I am not particularly attached to her ashes, like Brittanie said, because in mind that's not her. We still don't know exactly what we want to do, but I am thinking I'd like to spread them somewhere on her EDD or birthday next year.
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