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Forum: Stillbirth

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  #1  
October 28th, 2011, 08:12 PM
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: USA-IRE(Oct 2011)
Posts: 14
Hello Everybody,
I figured it was time to out myself as a lurker. I have been reading this board for a good three weeks now, not wanting to post just yet...

This will probably be my new home in a little while, I am currently pregnant with Boy/Girl twins, and have recently found out that my little girl has less than a 5% chance of surviving the next month. She will not survive birth.

I don't really want to go into detail about what is wrong with my baby girl, as a radiologist, I know the scary issues my baby is currently facing, and I don't really want to relive them by saying what is wrong here. I guess i can vaguely state that there is both a formation issue and a clot issue.

I am still in shock that my little girl is not going to make it, and very scared that her loss will affect her brother, top it all off with trying to figure out how to explain this all to my toddler and you can see why I am a little....mechanical in this post.

I would love to get some support during this time, it is hard because I still am posting in my DDC, as I have one healthy baby. I don't want to scare the other mommies there, am I welcome here?
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  #2  
October 29th, 2011, 12:29 AM
Jaidynsmum's Avatar Dreams do come true....
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Scotland, UK
Posts: 15,647
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Of course you are welcome here hun
I'm Yvonne and I found out at 17 weeks that my baby had anencephaly and wouldn't make it. I carried her to term, but going through pregnancy with the knowledge that I wouldn't be taking her home was more than heartbreaking.
Some days I 'forgot' and would be like any other pregnant woman out there, but then something simple like seeing a child playing would have me in tears because I realised my daughter would never do that. People are all excited for you being pregnant, how do you tell complete strangers your baby isn't going to make it?
Post all your feelings here hun, rant, rave and let go. We've all been through it and are here for you xxx
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  #3  
October 29th, 2011, 01:16 AM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: huddersfield, england
Posts: 33,629
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Hi hun you are more than welcome to post here. Im so sorry you have to join us in here.

I couldn't imagine what your going throu it must the hardest thing to do (())

the support here is amazing, the ladies are amazing please stay and vent, shout, scream what ever you need to someone is always around to support you.

Im claire co host here, i lost my baby daughter in june 2005 due to a cord accident.
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  #4  
October 29th, 2011, 08:14 AM
noworries
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You are definitely welcome here. You can come here to vent, cry, scream, etc. We're here for you.
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  #5  
October 29th, 2011, 10:43 AM
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: USA-IRE(Oct 2011)
Posts: 14
Thanks ladies, like I said, I also still have to post in my DDC, and I try not to scare those ladies, or make them feel bad for me.

I am dealing with the loss of my daughter by thinking of it as birthing an angel. She will always be my sons guardian angel, she will be the one watching out for him, and the one who hears my prayers at night.

I have decided to cremate her, so I can send her back to the states to be with my family, in the form of a necklace. The crematorium here does necklaces made with the ashes, that way everybody can have my little girl with them.

Its hard knowing that soon her little spirit will be with god, but I am very thankful I was given the opportunity to know her life....Still, I cry at night knowing that there will forever be a missing piece of my life.

Thanks ladies for being my shoulders to lean on, it means a lot to me..
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  #6  
October 29th, 2011, 04:24 PM
FL Mama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: FLA USA
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So sorry to hear this. We are all here for you when you need us.
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  #7  
October 29th, 2011, 08:49 PM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I am so sorry for your loss! How far along are you now? Have they mentioned anything about delivery after she passes? Many prayers for you in this oh so difficult time.
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  #8  
October 29th, 2011, 11:00 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Location: Littleton, CO
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There have been others who have lost one twin (though they don't post here much anymore). I'm sure it's such a hard place to be, grief for the one, joy over the other. But please, let yourself feel whatever comes to you. You can be heartbroken over your daughter and still find joy in your son. It doesn't dishonor your daughter's memory to have happiness in your son, and it doesn't mean you don't love or aren't grateful for your son if you feel grief over your daughter.

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  #9  
October 30th, 2011, 01:36 AM
BlessednHighlyFavored's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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you are welcome
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  #10  
October 30th, 2011, 05:12 PM
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Hugs go out to you! I'm so sorry for what you are going through.
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  #11  
November 1st, 2011, 02:33 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: USA-IRE(Oct 2011)
Posts: 14
Well Ladies, I have an update.

I had a scan at 5:30 my time, and it is confirmed, my little girl's heart has stopped. I feel almost relieved(I hope that doesn't sound horrible of me) that she has passed, at least now I know she isn't struggling to live and develop, and she can have some peace.

They looked at my little boy today and said he is actually a little larger than expected, so they are trying to keep him cooking for another two weeks, at which point I will be 29 weeks, and the chances of him surviving will be higher. My twins don't share a placenta for obvious reasons, and the doctor is now monitoring me for signs of infection or anything.

It's hard to think that in two weeks I will be holding my son, and burying my daughter. I wonder what she will look like, and if I will be too afraid to hold her once she is here. Right now, it seems like i have more questions than answers, and I find myself thinking that this is unfair....

My little angel's name is Caoimhe Aingeal (pronounced Keeva Ahngell) and in Gaelic it means Beautiful Angel.
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  #12  
November 2nd, 2011, 04:14 AM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 4,847
Has anyone talked with you about getting pictures done when she is born. If your son is well enough, you might ask for a quick one snapped of the two of them too, even if it is just in the delivery room. Pictures are the one thing I wish we had more of. They are all I have now to remember what my son looked like.

There is an organization called Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep that will bring in professional photographers and they will take photos of you and Caoimhe Aingeal on that day and make you a disc of them for free.

I'm sure she is going to be beautiful and perfect and you'll have no issues holding her. I believe mom's are able to look past any and all things and see the beauty in their child no matter what. She probably will be born with some skin sloughing, though, which I hope they have prepared you for. Being born 2 weeks after passing will cause that. But right now, she is already helping your son as he grows and develops more and more.

I had a daughter in the NICU for 76 days (born at 27 weeks) and now I am hoping to work in our NICU (I'm student nursing there right now). When your children are born (or before), please feel free to come over to the Preemie/NICU board as well. Preemies bring with them their own set of worries.

Praying for you in this most difficult time!
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  #13  
November 2nd, 2011, 12:45 PM
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,095
I'm so sorry about the loss of your daughter.
My daughter was born still in June of 2008, and my son was born still in August of 2009. My DD#2 was born at 29 weeks gestation in July. She had health concerns not related to her prematurity, but she is doing wonderfully. Babies born at 29 weeks do very well. I can only imagine the mixed feelings you are dealing with and will continue to deal with.
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  #14  
November 5th, 2011, 09:09 PM
rebeccabaltimore and more's Avatar (rebeccabaltimore)
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 1,842
I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a loss in multiple birth too. Actually it was a double loss, I was carrying triplets and lost two of the three babies, a boy and a girl. My son Grant survived. It is a comfort to me that Grant had buddies to keep him company, and though I am heartbroken that I lost them, their losses are what ensured Grant's survival. I am grateful to them for saving their brother.

If you ever want to talk, please pm me. Loss in multiple birth isn't something I run across a lot, and I know it helps to not feel so alone.
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  #15  
January 20th, 2012, 05:30 AM
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i lost my son's twin at 13 weeks, my son survived and i am going to do something specialn this yr, like a ballon for our lil angel. next thursday my son will be 8 and so would have his twin. i think about what i would have had. i do get upset at times. but i'm greatful for nick. he is my world.
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  #16  
February 2nd, 2012, 04:35 PM
SarieP's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Virginia
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I'm so sorry to hear of your loss I also lost my baby girl...my son (her twin) survived. I went into pre-term labor at 25w3d due to Raegan's placenta detaching. My babies were born at 25w5d and Raegan passed away the next day. Liam spent 100 days in the NICU and now he is a healthy 9months old. He has no lingering effects of being premature and is developing ahead of his adjusted age.

It is VERY hard to deal with but it does get a little bit easier as the time goes by. I wish you all the best and I hope your son does well in the NICU. There were quite a few 29 weekers in the NICU and they did much better then my son.
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