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Forum: Stillbirth

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  #1  
November 4th, 2011, 06:05 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: michigan
Posts: 533
Hi guys,

I'm just wondering. . . through all your pain, tears, and suffering, what has helped you? I can definitely see time as being a factor. I don't think I will ever be healed from losing my daughter. My mother had 3 miscarriages and a child who died 45 minutes after he was born and until now, I could never relate to her pain. She never really shared her pain with me. I remember going to her house several years ago and she was crying. I knew it was my little brother's birthday but I didn't know if that was why she was crying. Turns out, it was. Her baby, that day, would've been probably 20 years old. Now, thinking about the fact that my mom was crying 20 years later for her baby touches my heart so deeply and makes me just want to give my mom a huge hug. I guess time did help (not heal) her wound. However, she still experiences sadness for her precious baby who died.

So, for you, what has helped? Has it been your faith? Has it been your friends? Has it been your family? Has it been another baby?
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  #2  
November 5th, 2011, 01:13 AM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: huddersfield, england
Posts: 33,629
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I will cry for jessica till the day i die, the pain will never go away and yes time has helped in someways but it has helped as much as its hurt. Tbh hun i don't think anything will ever help.....as days go by and turn into months and years you cry less and feel your strength but i always hurt now just as much as i did..
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  #3  
November 5th, 2011, 03:54 AM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 4,847
For me, it is my faith. I firmly believe that God sustained me through the first few weeks. I don't even remember a lot of it. I remember being SO angry at God and yelling at Him, but even in that I felt He was with me.

I also have a brother who died. He was 12 when he died. My mom was super supporting to me through my loss. She told me things that helped her (writing, going in the bathroom, turning on the shower, sink and flushing the toilet and screaming so no one would hear, taking long walks to take out my aggression, things like that). But it has been 4 years now and I still have days when I just need to cry.

I have finally gotten to the point where I can be thankful that I knew him. When I think of Bryan Luke, I no longer immediately start crying. I can remember the good times like feeling him kick and when we found out we were pregnant. He totally changed me. I am a better person now because he is my son.

Time helps, but I think the process of grieving, talking, being angry, all of those things are what helps more.
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  #4  
November 14th, 2011, 09:24 AM
noworries
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While time does help the pain to fade, it never completely goes away. Losing a child is not something that you get over.
For me, my faith in God was a huge part of me being able to heal. My relationship with God is very different from what is was before because of those first few weeks after Eli died. I learned a lot about God and how He loves me.
I also had amazingly supportive family and friends which was very helpful. We had some friends who lost a son shortly after he was born and they were extremely helpful to us right after Eli died. They talked to us about what to expect and they came over afterwards and cleaned our house, etc. My parents and my in-laws have been great at talking with me about Eli and remembering him (one of my biggest fears was that he would be forgotten).
It was really helpful for me (and still is) to be able to talk freely about my son and how I was feeling. I had one friend give me permission to feel however I needed to feel at the time and as funny as that seems (to need permission to feel) it was very freeing.
I also wrote in a journal a lot at the beginning to get my feelings out and I also wrote letters to Eli and stuff like that and that was really helpful for me. I sometimes go back and read what I wrote right after he died and it's pretty crazy because I have forgotten how angry I was.
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  #5  
November 14th, 2011, 04:20 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: michigan
Posts: 533
Thanks everyone! I feel for me my faith helps. I have no clue why this happen and I don't even try to figure out anymore. I don't ask God. I just have faith that He will bring me through. I also, like some of you, have great friends and family who allow me to freely cry, talk about Mychael, and vent. It helps a lot coming here also. Just knowing I'm not alone is comforting.
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