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Forum: Stillbirth

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  #1  
March 10th, 2012, 02:55 AM
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Hi everyone, this is quite strange for me to be writing to a group of people that I don't know and who don't know me so please bear with me as I try to get this out... My name is Heather, I am the broken-hearted mother of three beautiful angels (2 girls and 1 boy) and I have been married to a great man for only 5 years this coming April 20th. Our sons' birth date anniversary is April 15th :'-{ I miss each of my three babies terribly so that it is close to destroying my marriage as well and then I'll be left with nothing but my grief and emptiness. I don't know what to do to make things better not only for him but for myself mostly. Let me start at the beginning.
My first daughter, Zephyr Raven, was a blessing to my soul for I have always been considered the mother without a child of my own by all who knew me. On December 18, 2004 at 4 months and 15 days her life ended as what the doctors said was a spontaneous abortion or miscarriage to us laymen. This devastated my father and I deeply. We still weren't over the grieving of Zephyr when I discovered I was pregnant with my second daughter, Jessica Grace AKA Grandpa's little "Gob of goo", in February of 2005. Once again my father and I got a little ahead of ourselves though we were a little on-guard about how this pregnancy would go since I gave my daughters' father a bus ticket to go anywhere but where we were and with the loss of Zephyr still fresh in our hearts. Everything seemed to be going fine up until I went in for my six month ultrasound on exactly the six month mark. Jessica had been very still since the night before and I figured she was probably just relaxing. How was I to know that she wouldn't just be relaxing that she should be moving around almost constantly since this was my first child this far along? The ultrasound tech started the ultrasound saying she was having a little trouble locating the heartbeat and after several moments the look on her face told me all I needed to know. I didn't need to see my motionless daughter on the monitor to know that my beautiful angel had left me here to continue on without her. She left to get the doctor as I began to bawl for my sweet Jessica. I was in labor for 30 hours giving birth to my lifeless angel when they moved me over to a potty chair to let gravity help by taking its course. After telling the nurse that she was coming and being told, "No, it will take a little longer than that just try to relax." I gave birth to my daughter by the time the nurse was done wasting her breath. Jessica's head hit the edge of the potty chair and in pictures that I have as keepsakes there is a very distinguishable indent in her head where she hit.
Once again I began the healing process of grieving. My husband and I met about a year and a half after my loss and ended up conceiving quite quickly with our son, Alek Christopher. Again my father and I were very leery about the outcome and neither of us would allow ourselves to get too excited (although I couldn't help but to get excited when I saw my little alien faced boy sucking his thumb in ultrasound pictures). My father and I are very close if you hadn't been able to tell by now lol. So we felt a false sense of relief when we passed each of the previous hurdles 4 1/2 months, 6 months, and at 7 months we believed we were home free with this pregnancy. We were all sadly wrong, you see my husband works in the healthcare industry and at the time would work nights and get off work at 7am. On the morning of April 15, 2007 he came home and went to bed as usual as I was waking up. I had been feeling some discomfort but chalked it up to getting bigger with baby. When I stood to go use the restroom a few hours later I felt what I describe as a mild period style cramp and thought I would use restroom then wake up the hubby and ask him if we should get it checked out. As soon as I sat down on the toilet I knew something was wrong and that I was going to have this baby right here, right now. I felt my insides were open quite a bit so I reached my fingers down there and didn't even get to the second knuckle from the tip of my fingers and felt my baby boys head. I quickly got off the toilet thinking about the poor Jessica ordeal and squatted over my bath towel which I laid over our bath mat. It was only a matter of seconds before our son was laying on the floor underneath a squatting me and I screamed for my husband over and over again (he was a very heavy sleeper unfortunately) until he finally got up and rushed to see what was wrong. When he saw my predicament he dialed 9-1-1 and the dispatcher made him cut open the sac to see if he could get our son breathing despite my pleas to please leave our son alone because I felt in my heart he had already left that body. Talk about a rough way to wake up eh lol.
I am able to talk about my babies and make little jokes to appear ok with what happened but it has affected me in the worst way possible. I was raised to believe that intercourse is our way of conceiving and procreating not for pleasure in itself. My husband is your typical man who feels that intercourse is a primary way of showing you love one another and that it is very important to a marriage but after losing all of my children I do not have the desire for intercourse EVER. So I'd like to find out if there is anyone out there who felt the same way? If so, what can I do to get my drive back and keep my husband? I really love him and now we fight all the time when we never used to fight before. Somebody please help me...I don't feel like a normal woman anymore :'-{
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  #2  
March 12th, 2012, 07:24 AM
noworries
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I am so sorry for your losses. I would highly suggest that you start seeing a counselor so you can work through some of this stuff.
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  #3  
March 12th, 2012, 11:54 AM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
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Oh Heather sweetheart i read your story with tears in my eyes, im so very sorry for your losses, i lost 2 babies one was a mm/c and Jessica was born at 24 weeks also sleeping. Im Claire x
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  #4  
March 14th, 2012, 11:29 AM
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Join Date: Mar 2012
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Hi Heather,
I'm so glad that you've posted here to reach out for help. Girlfriend, I just want to give you a huge hug and let you know that there is help available for you. Have you heard of Focus on the Family? I'm part of this organization and they have licensed counselors that you can talk to at NO charge. Just call 1-855-771-4357 Monday through Friday between 6:00am and 8:00 pm Mountain time. These people are very caring and want to guide you to a healthy happy life. I really hope you will call. I'll be praying for you, Heather. God bless you.
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  #5  
March 17th, 2012, 03:29 PM
liz bevan's Avatar Super Mommy
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I am so sorry for your losses. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
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  #6  
March 26th, 2012, 08:36 PM
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Thank you everyone for your supportive thoughts and thank you for the Focus on the Family phone number I will be sure to give them a call as soon as I am able to.
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  #7  
June 1st, 2012, 02:08 AM
Ben,Logan&Kaitlin'sMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I am so sorry for your losses Heather - I agree with the other ladies - you really should see a counsellor, you and your husabnd both together and seperate.
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  #8  
July 7th, 2012, 08:11 PM
liza17's Avatar Regular
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Location: mn
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after i lost my boy at 37wks due to cord around his neck my marriage just went downhill. ive heard it takes 2 years for things to get back to normal so i am giving my marriage a chance. everday i think about divorce and how unhappy i am but i believe that im just not fulled recovered from my loss 1.5years ago.
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