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I've never been on a forum or posted anything before but I thought.....why not. I am a 29 year old female and had my little girl stillborn on Oct 7th. She had gastroschisis so the docs had told me it was always a chance. Her little heart just stopped I went to er when I noticed she wasnt moving anymore. Oh and I was 31 weeks. She was 2lbs 1 oz and 14 inches long. Long toes like me . I just felt like I needed to talk and hear from people I have a very supportive family and loving caring boyfriend....guess I shouldn't have complaints.....but sometimes it is easier to talk to people who aren't so close to the situation. Plus I needed to hear from others who have been thru this I'm hoping it will help. I am in an extremely angry phase right now and can't figure out how to get out. I have even considered breaking up with my bf. I'm so mad at him and pretty much anyone who is pregnant right now.....it just feels so unfair and I don't understand anything anymore. This was my 1 st pregnancy as far as I knew and we had named her Abigail Grace. Please I would like to hear from anyone who has endured this....I need to reach out to someone....thank you guys.
Hi there, my name is Claire i'm co host here.
I am so sorry to read that Abigail was stillborn, surely the most devastating of things to happen and undeniably one of the most difficult things to bear. The emotional pain of having to say goodbye so soon after birth to the baby you loved must be have been very hard for you and your family. I can see you’re feeling angry, this is a very normal response to what you’ve been through, the anger, looking for someone or something to blame and the sheer disbelief – all very painful. In my experience i put a memory box together, (did they give you one at the hospital?) and i filled it with the personal things i gathered when i was pregnant and i find comfort in the days, weeks and months to come by keep looking and treasuring them. Did the hospital give you hand and footprints? A lock of her hair? – all tangible things that you can hold to your heart when in pain during the many dark days ahead. The physical and emotional loneliness can be very hard to bear. I know I can’t make it better and can’t take the pain away but I want you to know that i've been there, the unimaginable pain one goes through when losing a child. It was 8.5 years ago for me and it does get easier hun, you will never get over it and don't let anyone tell you you will or you should. The pain becomes easier to bare. I still have my bad days even now. The good days are a lot more than the bad. Its all still very raw for you hun.
I lost Jessica through still birth also, her cord was also wrapped round her neck, 3 times. I went for a scan on the friday and she was absolutely fine, 3 days later she was gone.
Thank u so much Claire. I do have a memory box for her that a friend made for me and I've filled it with her hand and footprints..ashes...ultrasound photos etc. I'm so sorry for ur loss as well. I don't feel as angry now a couple of days ago I finally broke down hard and screamed and cried for hours it felt like. I think I have to start facing it more head on which is so incredibly hard but I'm trying. U don't know how much it helped me just to read how uve been thru it and are still coping....I imagine its something that's always gonna be in the back of my mind. Thank u again Claire I will keep my head up and heart open as u have.
The journey has been hard and long, the bad days far weighed the good in the early months. I was a complete wreck. The pain does ease in time, and time is the key hun don't rush your grieving process. ((()))
I am so sorry for your loss.
We experienced our loss with our first born
I do understand how angry you must be
I was angry for a very long time
This road has been a very long and hard road.
As time goes by the hurt lessens, but never goes away
One suggestion i would make is if there is a walk to remember in your area, try to attend. We try to go every year.
This event is a great way to celebrate the life of your little one
Thank you so much for the awesome siggie Claire
Our joys will be greater
Our love will be deeper
Our lives will be fuller
Because we shared your moment
hello, i am sooo sorry for your loss. It is very natural to feel angry and you might for a while, its a kind of way of grieving. I know i went through a mad stage and every baby or pregnant woman i saw i cried or thought to myself "what did she do or can do that i cant" even cried throgh diaper commercials. It is a very normal feeling and i know you're probably tired of hearing this but it will get better, although it may not seem like it now, it just takes time. You work through it how you would like and dont let anybody tell you you're doing it wrong, they have no idea the emotions you are feeling right now.
__________________ Amanda, patner to Angel TTC our first!! Birth mom to Macie 2/19/06 Mom to Ryden, Angel in Heavan 5/21/10