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  #1  
February 7th, 2007, 07:25 PM
angelltn's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2005
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I can't believe I'm posting here, but unfortunately I will soon become a bonefide member. We were given the news yesterday that our baby has renal agenesis, a fatal birth defect. We have elected to induce on Friday. We have most of our plans done, DH has been great in calling everyone and asking the tons of questions I have. I have kind of an awkward question for you. I don't know how to ask it without sounding uncaring. I'll be almost 20 weeks when we induce Friday. If we deliver on Friday and go home Friday/Saturday, do you think I will physically be able to return to work next week? I just don't know if I can stay home for another week or two thinking about this. Believe me I've been crying about this for the past week and a half, when we found out something was wrong. I know the emotional hurt won't be gone, but I have to return to some sort of normalcy soon. I'm hoping some of you will understand where I'm coming from.
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  #2  
February 7th, 2007, 08:37 PM
trivos's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I'm so very sorry about your loss. My heart is breaking for you. I lost a child at 21 weeks and it was the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. I don't think you should make any commitments to your job about going back right away but leave the option open. We had a little graveside service for my little girl and that took a few days.

Also...Be sure to do what you need to grieve. Right after I had Kiley they asked me if I wanted to hold her and I declined because...well I really don't know why. After a few minutes i changed my mind and held her. Honestly, I believe I would have never forgiven myself had I not held her. We also took pictures and kept everything of hers from the hospital and funeral. I look at these memories and find comfort in having this stuff. It's just stuff and it doesn't bring her back but it is still hers. I'm not trying to tell you how you need to grieve but I'm just sharing my experience and what I have found comfort in. It's been many years since my loss and I have had two healthy girls since and have one on the way. Future pregnancies will be scarry and difficult but you can have a healthy baby. I wish you comfort and peace during this heartbreaking time. I will be praying for you continuously!
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  #3  
February 8th, 2007, 03:49 AM
angelltn's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I guess what I'm trying to say is that I feel I've had enough time to grieve in private and am ready to invite my family and friends close again to help me move on. I'm very close with my coworkers and have kept them very informed of what has been happening and how I've been doing. Whether I go back next week or in 3 weeks, we'll still have a day of tears. I want to put that day behind me so I can begin to heal. Some of my family is also flying in, in about a week and a half (already planned trip), so I'll have another go around with them I'm sure. Then we are planning to have DH's family and my family over for kind of a little memorial, where everyone will have a chance to look through our memory box and leave a letter, which will be another day of tears. So I'm really not denying the grieving process, I just want to start the healing process. I hope this makes a little more sense.
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  #4  
February 8th, 2007, 07:20 AM
Mom 2 Avery's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Don't forget that you need to let your body "physically" heal.
I wasn't released for work for two weeks after having Avery and the D&C.
(I'll be honest and admit that I needed every bit of that time!!!)
I also suffered a bit of post-partum depression...so that took a little bit, too.

Listen to your body and your heart...you'll know what you can and can't handle!

I'm so terribly sorry for your loss and I'm here if you ever need to talk!
Hugs from Houston
Dawna
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  #5  
February 8th, 2007, 09:42 AM
jhmomofmany's Avatar Look! A Dancing Banana!
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I do understand your need to return to "normalcy" as quickly as possible. From a purely physical POV, I do not think returning to work on Monday would be a good idea. As big as your placenta is, that is how big a wound you will have healing inside you. For the first few days you can expect to bleed, maybe heavily. Also prepare yourself for the probability that you will start producing milk sometime within a few days after delivery... at least, I think you are probably far enough along that this will happen. That was difficult for me both physically and emotionally.

This is just my opinion and experience, since I am no doc or mw. But since you are asking advice I would say to give it at least a week. And certainly you should get the okay from your doc... Your physical condition could depend on what happens at the actual time of your induction and delivery.

I am so very sorry... Please keep in touch and let us know how you are doing.
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  #6  
February 8th, 2007, 10:24 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Oh honey, I'm so very very very sorry about this. It hurts to lose a child, any time, and in any way. I agree with what jhmomofmany said. My delivery was a little different than yours will be, since I was full term when it happened, but I needed at least a week to be able to move/stand/sit comfortably. Well, it was more like 2 weeks, but I had a 2nd degree tear and six stitches.

I hope that your expectant "days of tears" aren't as bad as you are anticipating. I found those days very healing for me. And there were lots of them.



Any time you need to vent or cry or just know that someone knows exactly what you feel, come here. We'll cry with you.


Oh, and nothing you feel is "wrong."


again.
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  #7  
February 8th, 2007, 06:38 PM
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Location: Arizona
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I am so very, very sorry about this tragedy, and you have my many prayers and hugs coming your way. I can't imagine what you are going through and I hope that this board is at least a small comfort to you.

I had a difficult delivery with Macy at 17 weeks and had an infection and lost over half my blood volume so I had 2 transfusions and had to stay in the hosp. for many days and didn't resume full function for a few weeks.

You will do what you can do, and what you feel up to I guess. Maybe you have sympathetic bosses and you can try to come in for a couple hours to see how you feel and start back slowly.

I understand wanting to get back to maintaining your life but you also need to give your body and soul time to heal. Maybe instead of work, you can take long walks, read, catch up on life with your family etc...

Please let us know how you are feeling and take care.
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  #8  
February 9th, 2007, 09:03 AM
jhmomofmany's Avatar Look! A Dancing Banana!
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Beth,
Your induction should be today, and I want you to know that I am praying for you. Please check in when you can.
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~Jennifer, wife of one, mother of many

Robert: 18 Raechel: 17 Daniel: 14 Joseph: 12 Thomas: 10 Mary Mae: 6 Lucy Marie: 4 and John Anthony, 1!!

Always Missing our Angels: Hope (7-8-06 @36w) and Francis (7-4-12 @12w)


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  #9  
February 9th, 2007, 06:42 PM
trivos's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I just want you to know that I have been praying for you.
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  #10  
February 10th, 2007, 06:01 AM
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I wish that no woman had to experience loss, but God has other plans for our precious babies. We are thinking of you sweetie and miss you!!!!
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  #11  
February 10th, 2007, 06:44 AM
sawyers's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: PA
Posts: 746
I wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you and praying for you. My sister deliver my niece a stillborn at 36 weeks....I wish no one ever would have to go through a loss at all. My heart goes out to you and your family.
My sister also didn't want to sit around the house like yourself and was pretty much back to work in a week. She didn't over do it but she just couldn't sit home any longer. Her hospital stay was only 2 days and 1 night. :hugs:
I'm truely sorry for you loss.
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