Log In Sign Up

programs for preparing


Forum: Stillbirth

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Stillbirth LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
February 11th, 2007, 10:23 AM
angelltn's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,824
I don't know everyone's stories here, but I have some questions for you. From the time DH and I knew we had to make a decision to the time we said goodbye was only 3 days. In those 3 days we were able to take care of a lot of things.....I shared our journey here http://www.justmommies.com/boards/in...owtopic=491769 I feel I was very lucky to find a site that gave us some direction during those days. Neither my perinatal Dr. nor my OB gave us any direction or information on what to expect or what would be expected of us. We did the legwork on our own.

Did you have a few days to prepare before you delivered?
Were you given guidance or information by your Dr.'s/hospital?
If not, Did you feel overwhelmed with decisions when you got to the hospital or feel unprepared?

I have decided to get involved in the perinatal loss program at the hospital because I feel the loss began, for us, before we actually lost Lukas. We were simply told to go home and come back on Friday for the induction. Had we not found information on our own, we would have been faced with several decisions the day of the induction, that I don't feel I would be comfortable making under the circumstances. I feel there is so much information that the Dr.'s offices and hospitals can provide for families in this situation, but don't. Truly the resources are slim on the internet as well. Everything is geared towards helping to heal after, but no one wants to address the during. The during can be a very lonely place.

This is just my opinion, but I am very interested in your feedback. I know that everyone's circumstances are different and I would love to hear how you were able to get through the during. Thank you for your help!
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #2  
February 11th, 2007, 06:03 PM
jhmomofmany's Avatar Look! A Dancing Banana!
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Upper Michigan
Posts: 14,163
Send a message via Yahoo to jhmomofmany
Our daughter's death was confirmed by an ultrasound on a Thursday in the middle of the night. I had been pretty certain something was wrong since the morning of the day before, though. I was urged to go straight to the hospital, but chose to go home and wait to deliver naturally instead. I went into labor that Saturday.

We didn't know who to call, who we had to notify, etc. We ended up contacting the funeral director before she was delivered, and after it was over, we called, he came and picked her up, and that was that. I am very thankful the arrangements ended up being so simple to make. We live in a very rural area in a village that isn't even incorporated, so in most places the options might be different. In a big city, the way we handled our situation might even be illegal, I have no idea.
__________________
~Jennifer, wife of one, mother of many

Robert: 18 Raechel: 17 Daniel: 14 Joseph: 12 Thomas: 10 Mary Mae: 6 Lucy Marie: 3 and John Anthony, born May 24

Always Missing our Angels: Hope (7-8-06 @36w) and Francis (7-4-12 @12w)


Remember your resolution to lose weight or start working out? Click the blinkie to join us!



Reply With Quote
  #3  
February 12th, 2007, 01:54 AM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: huddersfield, england
Posts: 33,629
Send a message via MSN to claire1979
hello,

i was 24 weeks when i went to a routine antenatal appiontment when they couldnt find her heart beat i knew something wasn't right i had had no movements for a day or so, so when they rushed me to the hospital for a scan to have my worst fears confirmed i was taken to a room and left alone for what felt like eternity. i went home too shocked to think of anything....i returned to the hospital later the same day and given a tablet and told to go home for 2 days which was torture and hurrendous to say the least!!!! i had noone explain anything to me i was scared to death and was numb that i had to go home and carry on for 2 days with my dead baby inside me.after 2 days i went to hospital to be induced and after 1 hour my daughter was born alseep she had the cord wrapped round her little tiny neck 3 times....the hospital arranged the funeral for us and we burried her in a church yard very near us and it was beautiful and apart from the day i gave birth to her it was the hardest day of my life... and to this day have had noone to talk to and no support....
i was never given any information before or after the hospital gave me no leaflets or support and i dont think anything could have prepared me for the birth of my daughter knowing she had passed...
__________________




Reply With Quote
  #4  
February 12th, 2007, 05:09 AM
angelltn's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,824
I'm so sorry. It is such a hard thing to have to deal with and everyone's story is so different. I think you're right that nothing can prepare you for such a loss, but I also feel that information and support should at least be available. It's stories, like yours, that hurt my heart. I pray that you find peace. Thank you for sharing with me.

Quote:
hello,

i was 24 weeks when i went to a routine antenatal appiontment when they couldnt find her heart beat i knew something wasn't right i had had no movements for a day or so, so when they rushed me to the hospital for a scan to have my worst fears confirmed i was taken to a room and left alone for what felt like eternity. i went home too shocked to think of anything....i returned to the hospital later the same day and given a tablet and told to go home for 2 days which was torture and hurrendous to say the least!!!! i had noone explain anything to me i was scared to death and was numb that i had to go home and carry on for 2 days with my dead baby inside me.after 2 days i went to hospital to be induced and after 1 hour my daughter was born alseep she had the cord wrapped round her little tiny neck 3 times....the hospital arranged the funeral for us and we burried her in a church yard very near us and it was beautiful and apart from the day i gave birth to her it was the hardest day of my life... and to this day have had noone to talk to and no support....
i was never given any information before or after the hospital gave me no leaflets or support and i dont think anything could have prepared me for the birth of my daughter knowing she had passed...[/b]
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #5  
February 12th, 2007, 05:15 AM
angelltn's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,824
I'm so sorry for your loss. I think the most important message to share with other couples dealing with similar situations is that there is no right or wrong answer. You are right that in certain areas there are certain laws that need to be followed. This is the kind of information that should be provided. Thank you for sharing your story with me.
Quote:
Our daughter's death was confirmed by an ultrasound on a Thursday in the middle of the night. I had been pretty certain something was wrong since the morning of the day before, though. I was urged to go straight to the hospital, but chose to go home and wait to deliver naturally instead. I went into labor that Saturday.

We didn't know who to call, who we had to notify, etc. We ended up contacting the funeral director before she was delivered, and after it was over, we called, he came and picked her up, and that was that. I am very thankful the arrangements ended up being so simple to make. We live in a very rural area in a village that isn't even incorporated, so in most places the options might be different. In a big city, the way we handled our situation might even be illegal, I have no idea.[/b]
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #6  
February 13th, 2007, 08:21 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton, CO
Posts: 43,524
After being unable to get Cora to move for several hours I FREAKED and went into my Dr's office. We confirmed via ultrasound her heart was no longer beating. Dr. Barton lead us into his office and let us use his office phone to call our parents and such. He used another phone to call the hospital since we had decided to induce as soon as possible. Then he came in and talked to us for a little bit about what the induction would be like and when he could get me in and gave us some sleep aids. He was tearing up. I felt so cared for. We had scheduled the induction for the next morning.


We called our bishop and he came to talk to us. He actually called around to a couple of funeral homes nearby and asked about our options and the costs of things. We settled on having her cremated since burying her here, when we know we aren't going to be staying, and both our sets of parents are planning on moving for retirement, so we didn't feel good burying her near them when they aren't staying either.

I don't really remember what happened really, but I believe the hospital contacted the funeral home when Cora was born and let them know to come pick up her body. That man was so sweet.


Um...it's all hazy from there...but I think I answered your questions.
__________________
Thanks to Vicki... for the siggy! My kids' blog Cora's blog


Reply With Quote
  #7  
February 14th, 2007, 12:42 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Arizona
Posts: 4,715
I was bleeding for a long time but OB found nothing. I went in on a Monday and I wasn't dilated or anything and he couldn't find anything wrong, u/s looked normal and I was not dilated. The next morning, I had some clot like stuff and couldn't sit down. Started labor and went to the ER where they told us we were losing Macy. Our Dr. was notified and we were sent into L&D to deliver.

Nothing could have ever prepared us for that blow and the aftermath of a memorial service, obituary, Dr. bills...
The hosp. was really sweet to us and gave us books, pictures of Macy... everything they had, they gave. Even some testimonials from some of the nurses who suffered losses. They were a tremendous help from an emotional standpoint.
__________________
<div align="center"></div>
<div align="center"></div>
<div align="center"></div>
<div align="center"></div>
Reply With Quote
  #8  
February 15th, 2007, 11:34 AM
anissa's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,868
Send a message via AIM to anissa Send a message via MSN to anissa
I had 17 days before my daughter passed once we found out she was so sick. But with me the peri. office helped us so much. They gave me a list of all the funeral homes in the area with their phone number. They sat me down and told me down and gave me all my options on what I could do, like have an autopsy done, donate her to science etc. I have to say they were just great. The only thing I went out and did on my own was find her blanket that she would be wrapped in at her funeral.

I think it is so great that you are going to do something like this to help others. I don’t know what I would have done if everybody around me had not been so helpful.
__________________
Me Anissa
DH Tom
Kirstin 05/04/03
Gavin Thomas 06/01/06
Emma Grace Born Sleeping 8/4/05 22 Weeks
Some people only dream of holding an Angel I actually held one!
Angel Baby 8/14/02
Angel Baby 12/28/04


Reply With Quote
  #9  
March 20th, 2007, 12:26 PM
Prudence's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 653
I think this is great, I really never know who to bark at.

I had my first u/s at 23 weeks, the nurse said nothing. She said your dates are off you need to go back to your Dr. office now. They close at 5pm, my u/s was at 4:30. So we rushed over. I had an incling it probably wasn't good, I knew that they weren't sending me back over stupid dates.

His office wasn't even sure they were going to let me see him because it was time to go home. But oh lucky me he talked to me anyways.
He asked if they said anything to me, I said no.
He then told me the baby was dead. He put me on the table to listen for the heartbeat. there was none of corse.
He tried to see how big the baby was, He said I should get a D&E it was best.
this was a monday.
tuesday my mother yelled at me to call the dr. and find out what is taking them so long. i was hysterical.
you guys say you didn't want a dead baby in you, i was scared to death i didn't want to have the baby taken i wanted everything to stay like it was.
wednesday they told me i had to go to boston wednesday for prep and thursday for the D&E.
it has been 32 months since they took my baby and i am still ###### angry.
never did i have any options to make the right choice for myself.
i have no u/s pics, i have no idea if it was a girl or a boy, i envy all of you woman who got to give birth, take pics, hold, say good bye, give names too.

i just don't understand what everyones rush was, why i wasn't talked to give options/choices. so if you could do this for your local hospital thats great there needs to be more people like you. i don't have the strength yet. the best i can do is talk on the internet to strangers.

oh i edited to add this, i was just thinking as i was making dinner. they didn't tell me if i could keep the remains i asked the dr who was performing the D&E. he told me if i wanted them i had 30 days.
oh yeah i keep remembering stuff. this happened june 9th, (losing the baby) they were suppose to test remains for reasons. i didn't find out anything until the month of october, i called my drs, and the hospital in boston, my dr said he didn't get anything and the hospital said they filed it and said they couldn't give me any info. THEN...finally in october after i call for the 5th time the head nurse said they filed june 27th, and she was very sorry i had to wait 4 months to find out that the culture didn't grow and they couldn't do any testing from it. i was waiting to see what went wrong before we tried again to get pregnant. it was really hard because the baby was due oct.5, that was such a kick in the mouth.

i sure i haven't had the worst experience, but if there were people around like you to council a couple on the options... i know it really would have helped me a lot. you are a blessing for woman like me.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
March 20th, 2007, 06:39 PM
jhmomofmany's Avatar Look! A Dancing Banana!
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Upper Michigan
Posts: 14,163
Send a message via Yahoo to jhmomofmany
Quote:
never did i have any options to make the right choice for myself.
i have no u/s pics, i have no idea if it was a girl or a boy, i envy all of you woman who got to give birth, take pics, hold, say good bye, give names too.[/b]
Oh, hon! How terrible! No wonder you are angry!! Heck, I'm angry that this was done to you! It just boggles my mind that you were handled with such cruelty and complete lack of regard for your feelings as a mother. It just breaks my heart for you.

ETA: please consider giving your baby a name even though you don't know his or her gender. There are many beautiful names that would be equally appropriate for either a boy or a girl.
__________________
~Jennifer, wife of one, mother of many

Robert: 18 Raechel: 17 Daniel: 14 Joseph: 12 Thomas: 10 Mary Mae: 6 Lucy Marie: 3 and John Anthony, born May 24

Always Missing our Angels: Hope (7-8-06 @36w) and Francis (7-4-12 @12w)


Remember your resolution to lose weight or start working out? Click the blinkie to join us!



Reply With Quote
  #11  
March 21st, 2007, 07:33 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton, CO
Posts: 43,524
I agree, I'm completely aghast at this! What a terrible and down right traumatizing experience!


Did you have feelings one way or another on the gender? I would say go with that. I'm sorry you couldn't have had the support that I received.


__________________
Thanks to Vicki... for the siggy! My kids' blog Cora's blog


Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:59 PM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0