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Forum: Stillbirth

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  #1  
February 27th, 2007, 12:15 PM
sawyers's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: PA
Posts: 746
Hi everyone I hope you don't mind me jumping in over here. Recenetly, well last March 9,2006, my sister gave birth to my little niece who was stillborn. It broke my heart and ofcourse my sister's that her little girl was born sleeping. I don't think my sister has truely dealt with things...I have been there for her sned her little notes every so often letting her know that I'm missing and thinking of Hailey. I even have a photo that is with me in my car.
We are coming up on her 1st year heaven birthday and I want to do something special for my sister. Do you guys have any ideas of what I could do? I have already planted Hailey a butterfly/flower garden and I have given my sister an angel statue holding a little baby.

Also I will be having a baby in April...how can I help her when I have my baby and she longs for hers?
I'm grateful to God for sending me another little boy....I don't want to upset my sister more then I think she will already be. I know she has distant herself from me since about Christmas time when I really started to show and I completely undstand. I make sure she is including in things like the 3D u/s we had but I don't push the issue when she didn't want to come, I don't talk about our baby because I know she doesn't really want to hear it...not because she isn't going to love her little nephew but because it is still raw......I don't know I just want to help her some how....any ideas........TIA

I'm sorry for everyone that has been through a loss.....it is heart wrenching and I wish no one ever had to know that kind of pain.
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  #2  
February 27th, 2007, 04:58 PM
jhmomofmany's Avatar Look! A Dancing Banana!
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Upper Michigan
Posts: 14,233
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Quote:
We are coming up on her 1st year heaven birthday and I want to do something special for my sister. Do you guys have any ideas of what I could do? I have already planted Hailey a butterfly/flower garden and I have given my sister an angel statue holding a little baby.[/b]
It is likely that your sister is "dealing with things" but possibly in a hidden way of her own. I had and still have a VERY difficult time crying in front of others, but I have shed lots of tears and said lots of prayers, and even "vented" into my pillow. I hope your sister has given herself permission to do the same. If you would like to give your sister something what might be nice is a small piece of jewelry with your niece's birthstone, or some other reminder that she can wear/keep with her all the time. Or if that wouldn't be possible or appropriate, even just a card to let your sister know that you are "there" for her. The worst thing about losing a baby (or anybody you love, really) is feeling like everybody else has forgotten and gone on.

Quote:
I know she has distant herself from me since about Christmas time when I really started to show and I completely undstand. I make sure she is including in things like the 3D u/s we had but I don't push the issue when she didn't want to come, I don't talk about our baby because I know she doesn't really want to hear it...not because she isn't going to love her little nephew but because it is still raw......I don't know I just want to help her some how....any ideas........TIA[/b]
Thank you for recognizing her reaction to your pregnancy and upcoming birth as normal and nothing personal against you. You obviously have a very tender and loving heart for your sister, and a great deal of empathy for her pain, and your patience and understanding are the best help you can give.

God bless you!
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  #3  
February 28th, 2007, 08:47 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton, CO
Posts: 43,573
Quote:
Thank you for recognizing her reaction to your pregnancy and upcoming birth as normal and nothing personal against you. You obviously have a very tender and loving heart for your sister, and a great deal of empathy for her pain, and your patience and understanding are the best help you can give.[/b]
I TOTALLY agree (to both parts of the last post, but the quoted mostly).

My best friend and I were pregnant at the same time. She gave birth to her healthy baby girl 6 weeks after I lost my Cora. I went to visit a few days after (she lives 5 hours away and I was passing through on my way home to Vegas), and it just happened to be EXACTLY 2 months after Cora was born.

I went to see the baby because I knew I had to for my own personal healing. But I was unprepared for the resentment I would have against the BABY for staying, when my own couldn't. I was angry, and I buried it, not wanting to feel it.

And then I looked at my best friend, and she had tears streaming down her face. She was crying and I wasn't, and then let myself go and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. But I will always be grateful for those tears she shed. Her tears let me know that my feelings were not only normal, but welcome. She understood that I couldn't be completely happy for her, and she hurt for me.


I don't know if that helps you at all, but just...let her feel whatever she feels.
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  #5  
March 5th, 2007, 12:42 PM
angelltn's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,824
There's nothing more I can add to what has already been said. When I was going through my loss I found this website http://www.thecomfortcompany.net/index.asp...amp;Category=24 It has a lot of keepsake and rememberance gifts on it, if you were looking to get something for her.
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  #6  
March 6th, 2007, 07:37 AM
sawyers's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: PA
Posts: 746
Thank you all so much for the advice. I have you all in my prayers...no Mother should know what it feels like to loss a child......my heart goes out to each of you.
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Our September sweetie~ Jake 9/14/01
Our June Bug ~ Joey 6/16/03
Our little April baby ~ Kody EDD 4/22/07 ~ Scheduled c-section on 4/18

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