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Forum: Stillbirth

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  #1  
March 6th, 2007, 03:26 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: ENGLAND
Posts: 5,158
I just wanted to say what INCREDIBLE ladies you all are

I have no children and we are having IVF next mth, but my reason for coming on here is that,
My best Friend's 16yr old daughter Kym, was due her baby next wk
and went for her final scan last thursday...They found no heartbeat and she had to deliver
him on the Friday. She had a perfect baby boy and named him Robert.
He had blonde hair and a cheeky little face. The cord had got wrapped around his neck.

I am posting here, as i fear for this young girls future...How can you get over this at any age
let alone a child herself at just 16?

The baby's funeral is next tuesday and i hope she can stand it.

I don't know how to be around her, particulary now we are starting IVF soon...

I have took comfort for Kym, by reading your stories with tears in my eyes
and also that a lot of you are pg or have had babies later on.

What should i do to help this small family? I feel they need more than i know how to give

Thanks for reading ladies, and the pictures are beautiful of your angels.

Sarah
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  #2  
March 6th, 2007, 06:58 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton, CO
Posts: 43,573
Unfortunately there's no easy answer for this, because there's no way to "fix" the problem. She's probably going to feel so guilty, especially because of her age. And, unfortunately, there will be people who will say that "maybe it's better." ((that always makes me SO angry))


For right now? Let her know you are there for her. Yes, you are starting IVF, but that doesn't mean that you are getting pregnant by accident. Or that you don't care for/want the baby ((Good luck btw. I hope it happens quickly, easily, and without any problems for you!))

First off, give her and her mother the Mourner's Bill of Rights. It really helped me, and several women on the pregnancy loss boards have said it has helped them too.


Maybe give her a memory memento? My husband got me a pair of heart earrings with an emerald in the center. Emerald is my Cora's birth stone. They don't scream memorial, but I remember her whenever I wear them (and wear them when I need to remember her.)

She hurts so bad right now, I know. But...don't forget in the next few months. Remember time markers (1m, 2m, etc).


Good luck and many hugs and prayers for her!
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  #3  
March 14th, 2007, 01:27 PM
Melissa02909's Avatar Super Mommy
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Just support her. Going to the baby's funeral is a good start. Maybe take her out for an outing somewhere you know she likes to go...

Melissa
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  #4  
March 14th, 2007, 04:09 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Arizona
Posts: 4,715
Sometimes just being around is enough. Don't stay away, but drop in, call, send a card, let them know you are praying for them and don't let too much time go w/out checking in with them.
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  #5  
March 16th, 2007, 05:14 AM
tonyarn's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Marion, Iowa
Posts: 14,544
And mention her baby, by name, in conversation. Remember that Robert was a real baby, her baby. And, like someone else mentioned, don't quit asking her how she's doing, if she'd like to talk, etc. just because the initial period of grieving has stopped. This will be a longtime period of grieving for her, even though the rest of the world has gone on.
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  #6  
March 16th, 2007, 08:12 AM
jhmomofmany's Avatar Look! A Dancing Banana!
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don't quit asking her how she's doing, if she'd like to talk, etc.

But don't ask every time you talk to her, either (assuming you talk to her fairly regularly). That gets equally irritating.
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  #7  
March 16th, 2007, 10:20 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: ENGLAND
Posts: 5,158
Thanks for advice ladies.

The funeral was obviously very hard, but they coped amazingly well
and they released doves in memory of Robert which was a beautiful tribute.
I am talking to them often and know they will get through(though not over) this terrible time
with support of family and friends.

All of you ladies are a inspiration and i have mentioned you all to Kym, so hopefully
one day she will join you here when she is able to.

Thank you again.

Sarah x
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  #8  
March 18th, 2007, 06:41 PM
Ben,Logan&Kaitlin'sMommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I am sorry I missed this
Just be there for the family and help all you can
Never forget Robert - although he may soar with the angels he will never be forgotten
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