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Even though I have my beautiful 2 year old son *omg I can't believe he is almost 2* I still find the hurt in my heart when I hear of a pregnancy and now that this one is so close to me I am jealous and upset and excited all at once.
I am so excited for her to have a baby - her daughter Hannah will be 4 in November but I am jealous at the same time. I miss Rebecca more and more when I hear of a pregnancy - I should be the one with two kiddies.
I'm the same way. I think what I'm jealous of is the fact that they are able to be excited. Even my sister, who is freaked out by my loss, is and can be excited about her pregnancy.
All the girls on my DDC are looking forward to the end and are (while apprehensive) excited about the labor and delivery. But I'm terrified, and I'm SO jealous that I've had that excitement ripped away from me.
My best friend had her baby 6 weeks after I lost Cora. She's talking about the timetable for TTC their second, and I'm jealous of that too.
So, yeah, you're not alone honey. There's a big hole in your family, so of course you would miss her and be jealous of those who don't have to know what it feels like. Not that you WANT them to know, you just wish you didn't have to.
I'm sorry, that must hurt. Sometimes I actually feel bad that I got pregnant again when there are women who can't even get pregnant once. I feel so bad for them and can't even imagine what they must go through. Makes me try to be so empathetic and... I don't know...
Like it is ok, that people are getting pregnant, but the pain you went through and still go through just doesn't fade. Makes it hard to be happy for them, but at the same time, you hope and pray they have a healthy pregnancy and never have to go through what you went through.
I hope you feel better soon. Sorry if this is all babble.. I do that sometimes.
I know what you mean. My cousin is pregnant, she is due a week before I was supposed to be. I haven't seen her yet since I lost Emilee, but I don't want to. I am scared to death of running into her somewhere, and seeing her big belly, full of a healthy baby, ready to pop any day. I hope that I will be able to bring myself to go see her and her baby once he arrives, but I am pretty doubtful on that. It's just so hard. I was supposed to have a beautiful little girl in my arms, but instead she is buried in the ground. It's not fair. And my cousin smokes and parties still, and I was so careful with my pregnancy. Not fair. Not fair. I know there must be a reason for it, but I wish I knew what it was. You have every right to be jealous. We were supposed to have our babies.
__________________ <span style="font-family:Impact">Stephanie</span>
Mommy to Emilee, my baby girl, born sleeping on March 9, 2007. 4 lbs, 14 oz, 19 inches long.