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Burial vs Cremation


Forum: Stillbirth

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  #1  
April 12th, 2007, 06:02 AM
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Which did you do and why? We are trying to make decisions for both of our possible outcomes. I'm really leaning more towards cremation but I would love imput
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  #2  
April 12th, 2007, 07:22 AM
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We had our daughter buried. We are Catholic and while cremation is allowed, burial is still the norm. Honestly, cremation didn't even enter my mind as a possibility at the time. Her death was very sudden so it wasn't something we had considered ahead of time.
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  #3  
April 12th, 2007, 10:22 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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We opted for cremation. I think I would rather have buried her, but there were several factors that made that hard for us. The main one is that the area we are living in, we are only living in because DH is at school. He'll be graduating next summer. I didn't like the idea of burying her here only to leave in a couple of years. We considered having her buried either in Michigan, or Las Vegas, where our parents are, but neither of our sets of parents are planning on staying where they are past retirement. That, and moving the body was expensive.

We had absolutely NO money at the time (our church actually paid our rent that month). While the funeral home would have taken care of the embalming services for free, we would still have had to pay for the casket and the plot.


With cremation, they did the service for free, and all we had to pay for was $40 for a small urn. Plus we were just more comfortable with the idea. We actually spread the ashes up on the water of Jenny Lake in the Grand Teton National Park, which is a place that we both just loved and had already planned on making as many return trips as possible after we move. So, unlike here in Rexburg, we wouldn't just be returning to "visit" her, but we'd be returning to a place we love that is now just more special.



It was a strange decision for us, because we're Mormon and, like jhmomofmany, it's just not the norm for us. We've had a lot of people ask us why we opted for cremation over burial. But we had our reasons, and they were the best for us at the time.
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  #4  
April 12th, 2007, 11:31 AM
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Well I had two MIL who jumped at the chnce to have a plot opened up for us, but they were to far away from ME!! I didn't want to visit.
I cremated, I wanted my baby close to me, and they will be. They can stick the urn in my casket when I die.
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  #6  
April 12th, 2007, 04:15 PM
stormy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I don't normally post over here but saw this while checking on one of the forums I cohost-loss of a child. My son was cremated. I know he was not an infant but three years old but knowing that his ashes are in the urn, here in my house and no matter where we go he will always be with me. I hope you don't mind me posting here.
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  #7  
April 13th, 2007, 10:45 AM
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We had Elijah cremated. I told my mom that I was taking him home, dead or alive (which I don't remember) so she had him cremated. I'm SO GLAD she did...he's in the girls room...safe from little hands but still around us at all times
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  #8  
April 13th, 2007, 12:02 PM
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Quote:
I don't normally post over here but saw this while checking on one of the forums I cohost-loss of a child. My son was cremated. I know he was not an infant but three years old but knowing that his ashes are in the urn, here in my house and no matter where we go he will always be with me. I hope you don't mind me posting here.[/b]
Of course you can post here.

We had Macy cremated. I wanted her with me always, always, always. I wear some of her ashes in a cross around my neck. It hasn't come off since I got it. We have the rest of her ashes in an urn in our living room next to the TV on the entertainment unit with her keepsakes and memorial memory box. She was barely 17 weeks along so to me, she just needs to always be with me.
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  #9  
April 13th, 2007, 02:26 PM
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i am glad you asked about this, i often find myself wondering the same. it seems to me like a lot of parents of stillborns choose cremation. my SO and i chose burial. cremation never even crossed my mind, but i think my main reason for the burial was that i felt like i wanted emilee's body to stay in that beautiful, perfect form. the same reason i refused an autopsy on her. but from reading everyone's responses i can see more clearly now why some parents would choose cremation, it would be nice to have her so close to me. she is buried in a private cemetary about 2 hours from me, right next to my best friend emily, who i named emilee after. emily died in a car accident when we were both 17. i feel like emily is taking good care of my daughter for me.

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  #10  
April 14th, 2007, 01:07 AM
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Ty all for sharing your stories with me. I know how hard it was for all of you to make the decision but I want to thank you for helping us decide if it comes to that. My husband and I were talking and decided we'd go with cremation if our little love can't hold off till viability. My husband wants what I want. A Large shelf (out of hands of little ones) that can be our memorial 'alter' I guess you can call it with all our momentos and u/s photos and ashes ext
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  #11  
April 14th, 2007, 03:51 AM
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we decided to have jessica burried... the thought of her being burnt just really scared me....but then again seeing her put in the ground was just as bad.....we buried her because we wanted something to go to when we wanted to see her iukwim?.....sometimes i wish id have had her cremated cause i would have liked her with me...but as she was very small i was frightened i wouldnt get any ashes and too scared to end up with nothing if that makes sense?
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  #12  
April 14th, 2007, 04:26 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Quote:
we buried her because we wanted something to go to when we wanted to see her iukwim?[/b]
This is part of the reason DH and I spread her ashes up at Jenny Lake. To be honest, the idea of keeping the ashes sort of creeped us out. Mostly because what was left (ie: her body) wasn't her anymore. So we wanted to take the ashes somewhere beautiful and peaceful (which Jenny Lake very definitely is). So that's where we go when we want to "see" her. We filled her urn with rocks from the lake bed, so that place would always be with us, and in a way she would, too. When I think about Jenny Lake, and how peaceful it is, I think about my Cora.
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  #13  
April 15th, 2007, 01:52 AM
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hun i have seen the picture of jenny lake and its perfect i think cora is very happy where she is and will know she is with you forever......
were hoping to move to america soon and would definatley be thinking of visisting jenny lake....were moving to south carolina, charleston...if im right in thinking its in america?
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  #14  
April 15th, 2007, 09:53 AM
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We lived for two years in Charleston... it is a lovely place to live. Brittanie, is Jenny Lake in Indiana?
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  #15  
April 19th, 2007, 02:27 PM
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Brittanie, is Jenny Lake in Indiana?[/b]
Nope, it's actually in Wyoming, in Grand Teton National Park. DH is a geology major and we've spent a lot of time in the Tetons/Yellowstone.
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  #16  
April 19th, 2007, 04:19 PM
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We did cremation for our son. At first I was going to do burial but changed my mind. I wanted him close to me.
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  #17  
April 22nd, 2007, 01:19 PM
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We got our baby girl cremated and though it felt right at the time i regret it deeply now. We did it privatley through the hospital, the only place we have to go visit is the chapel where her service took place as her ashes were spread over a place 20 minutes from here (nearest crematorium and we dont drive) I wish i had her burried now as i would love to have somewhere to go visit her and lay her flowers etc
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  #18  
April 22nd, 2007, 03:52 PM
Mom2LinaNangels's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I buried Jordyn and have deep regrets. I feel like she is just too far from me. I have thought about paying the money and talking to the courts to have her exumed, because it bothers me. I don't even want to get into details, cuz it is kinda morbid. Sorry
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  #19  
April 24th, 2007, 03:06 PM
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We had only lived here a month when we buried Hope. We bought the plots immediately surrounding hers, so I guess we have our final resting place picked out, too. Our move across country was scary, but burying her here was kinda like God telling us this is where He wants us to put down roots.
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  #20  
April 25th, 2007, 01:40 PM
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I know I don't post here much but just wanted to share

I wanted my son creamated because we don't plan on living here for the rest of our lives and I told my DH that I don't want to have to "visit" somewhere to visit with my son. This actually put bad blood between me and my MIL because she wanted to give us her plot in the cemetary in the town where she lives, that would of been above her sister who died when my DH was 15 (in their town they bury one person at 12' and then another on top at 6'). I kept saying no and she told me that the Catholic church would not accept my son creamated, and I told her that I didn't care. Well, I did care and we waited to make our final decision after we talked to the deacon. He told us that the church would accept my son even creamated (we decided if the church wouldn't then we would bury him). So that made our mind up for us. Plus we were in no way financially able to do the burial, while the plot would've been free the casket was not, his creamation costed us $200, which my bosses ended up paying, I could of only imagined what the casket would of costed (DH's cousin died earlier in the year and his casket was $2000). We creamated him and he now sits on the fireplace matel where he is surrounded by his memory box and all the angels that we have bought or we have been given. I feel this way he is always with us during family time.
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