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  #1  
April 28th, 2007, 09:09 PM
Veteran
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Bakersfield, CA
Posts: 364
April 9, 2007 my precious little girl Keelie Andrea came into and left this world all at the same time. I had been told a week earlier that I had lost all my amniotic fluid and that things did not look good. Two days after that the fluids had gone up 1.5 cm and the Dr, though still worried, was a little more hopeful. When I did go into labor, I unfortuantely did not realize I was in labor and ended up delivering her halfway at home. I keep questioning myself and wondering if I would have known I was in labor if they could have stopped it or if they could have saved her. Even though I was told they would not have been able to do much because I was only 20 wks and 6 days it breaks my heart that it could all be my fault.

Where do you go from here? I've been having this feeling of already wanting to be pregnant again. Maybe it's because i still went through getting my milk and everything....but I feel so wrong for it. It has only been a week and a half since we laid our precious angel to rest. I'm so hurt, lost and confused right now....
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  #2  
April 29th, 2007, 05:05 AM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: huddersfield, england
Posts: 33,629
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a very sad but warm welcome to this forum im so very sorry for your loss x
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  #3  
April 29th, 2007, 10:32 AM
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 27
Sweetie, I am so sorry that you lost Keelie. I am sure she was perfect and beautiful in every way. Try not to play the blame game with yourself. I know it's almost impossible, but just try not to. It isn't your fault. You didn't do this to her. It is in no way shape or form a fault of yours. I know the feeling of wanting to be pregnant again already. Most of the ladies here know. We know all too well. You are yearning to hold a live and healthy baby in your arms. To change her diapers, to feed her, to watch her smile. It is not abnormal. But you first need to give yourself time to grieve. And time for your body to heal. Talk to your doctor, he or she will tell you when would be safe for you to try again. And when you feel ready in your heart, go for it. Welcome to this forum. Please post often. We need eachothers support.
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Mommy to Emilee, my baby girl, born sleeping on March 9, 2007. 4 lbs, 14 oz, 19 inches long.

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  #4  
April 29th, 2007, 01:01 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 2,632
I know there is nothing I can say, but I am sorry for your loss. We lost our little Abby April 15th at 27weeks and I understand the feelings of wanting to be pregnant again already. I miss being pregnant and I am lost and confused too. I feel guilt too, but there is nothing we could have done. We tried our best to keep our little ones safe. I think these are all normal feelings. Feel free to PM me anytime.
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  #5  
April 30th, 2007, 07:04 AM
Prudence's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 653
I am very sorry about Keelie.
You are often going to wonder that it was all your fault, I can assure it was not!! Sadly I believe 20 weeks is just too young. After I was pregnant after my loss the Dr. reassured me that if anything were to happen 20 weeks would be to early and she wouldn't be able to do anything. Its not what you want to hear but it is probably true. Take care of yourself and DO NOT blame yourself. I knew in my heart that if I ever thought I could have changed the out come I would have I was 23 weeks along.

It is natural to want to be pregnant again. A lot of woman feel this way, they go on to have another healthy beautiful baby, some woman wait. Do what is right for you.

I can only tell you what I chose to do, it doesn't mean it is the right decision for you.
I chose to wait, but for a few reasons. I wasn't sure what happened to the baby and I waited to find out if they could tell. I knew that doing this another time wouldn't be a sane move on my part. I wanted to give myself time to grieve, and recognize that baby as the only baby in that time. My cousin was much farther along and she decided to get pregnant right away she had a beautiful little girl.

It is the biggest empty space anyone should ever have to try and fill back up to feel close to being full again.
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  #6  
April 30th, 2007, 08:56 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,583
I am so sorry for the loss of your little girl
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Raquel Mom to The "A" Team: Anthony, almost 10yrs old (OMG double digits!!!!), Alexis, 8, Aiden, 5
Missing our Angel: Aries Isaiah 09/06/05 Carried you for only 24wks1d but in Mommy's heart FOREVER

To my Aries:
The time we had with you was brief,
We had to say good-bye,
Now angels kiss your little face,
And sing your lullaby.

Someday again, we'll be with you,
To cherish all those things,
Until that day it helps to know,
You're safe in angels wings.





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  #7  
April 30th, 2007, 02:19 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Arizona
Posts: 4,715
I am soo very sorry to hear about your loss. I totally know what you mean about wanting to still be pg or pg again. Your body is still supposed to be pg, this wasn't supposed to happen, not to your body, your mind, your soul, physically, emotionally... It is just an awful, empty feeling. You lost your baby. That is the worst thing a mommy could ever go through. Unfortunately, another pregnancy would not be the pregnancy you lost. That emptiness will never go away. Not until you meet up with your little angel again in heaven. You will move on though and most likely have another baby and another pregnancy and that will be a wonderful time for you. The pain of the loss of Keelie will always be with you, but it will become easier to cope with.
I will pray for strength, courage and comfort as you take on this tremendous burden.
We would love to see pictures if you have any?
Love and hugs to you.
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  #8  
April 30th, 2007, 03:10 PM
Mom2LinaNangels's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,170
I am so sorry to welcome you here. It is not your fault. I blamed myself for not going to the doctor sooner, but really there is nothing we could have done. My thoughts are with you.
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