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I feel a little overwhelmed with everything I am feeling. Why am I so mad? I get so angry now when someone says or does something. I was never like this before. I was always so happy even during the 5 years of ttc. I hope this is just the next stage of grief and this it too will pass. It takes so much energy to be mad all of the time. I feel so drained.
I might be a little upset about going back to the ob/gyn's office again on the 7th. I was just there last week and it was the second worse experience, the first being the day they told me that my Abby had died. Now I am worried about seeing so many pregnant bellies and newborns. I just hate it that I feel this way. I used to look at them and think I wonder what it feels like, and now that I know it makes me mad. It makes me upset to think that they don't know how good they have it and that they shouldn't take one day for granted with their little ones.
God I hope this is all normal feelings. I just feel so unlike myself lately.
Sorry for my rambling. It does feel good to get it off my chest though. I feel like I have to pretend around people I know. I don't want them all to be worried about me.
Thank you Mistyx5 for my siggy.
Now I am worried about seeing so many pregnant bellies and newborns. I just hate it that I feel this way. I used to look at them and think I wonder what it feels like, and now that I know it makes me mad.[/b]
My Dr. told me to come in a week after delivery so that he could just "see" how I'm doing. They got me in on short notice, right during one of the busiest times of the day. Honestly, even during all my prenatal appointments I hadn't seen so many newborns in that reception room. I sat there and stewed, on the verge of tears, for 15 minutes, not looking at anyone.
I know how you feel though about going back to the OB. I still havent even made my appointment because I just don't want to go in the office.
I think the anger though will be something that comes less and less, but will never go away. I've spent alot of time the past few days researching what Keelie passed from and its just made me mad because it only occurs in 1-2% of pregnancies. So it leaves me with that feeling of why me, why us. Out of all the people in the world that don't want their babies why did it happen to us, people who wanted to share their love so badly.
I was at the OB's office a little over a week ago and it was the hardest thing. I told dh that I didn't want to go back alone again. I need him to be there with me. He said he would come with me. We were also talking about ttc again and really just leaving it up to chance. No protection and see what happens. I told him I know that from here on out if we get pregnant again, he will have to be with me for each and every visit, even if it is a couple times a week. He agreed that he would try to be there as long as work allows him to be.
I think you are right about the anger. And I have those feelings of why us too, why any of us. And my anger flares up when I hear or read about someone that doesn't want their babies or don't treat them well. I think that is the absolute hardest thing for me to deal with right now, a mother that doesn't want her child. It happens all of the time.
It is so nice knowing that we are not alone in all of our thoughts and feelings.
Thank you Mistyx5 for my siggy.