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  #1  
September 15th, 2007, 07:18 AM
LDBalog's Avatar Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Ohio
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Hi everyone,

This is my first time posting, so here it goes.......My DH and I have 2 beautiful children, ages 7 & 4 and thought we were done when we discovered (pleasant surprise!) that we were having #3. Everything was going quite well, except for severe nausea the first 4 months : ( When I had my bloodwork done at 16 weeks, it came back 2 weeks later that my AFP was very elevated. My dr. was pretty positive it was a neural tube defect. The next day I was in her office for a scan and we found that the baby (and also a girl) was perfectly formed, however, my placenta didn't look "right". She then sent me and DH the following week to see a specialist in a different state. The baby was measuring on target, moving around (although I didn't feel her kick much because the placenta was anterior) and I felt a moment of relief until the Dr. came in & told us that our baby was very healthy but I had a terrible placenta. He then started to explain that the placenta could not sustain her throughout the pregnancy. I had what was called a Breus Mole, which meant that the placenta was bloodfilled and clotted, and she was getting nourished from a very small healthy portion of the placenta. He was amazed that she had grown to the point she did. It was a very grim outlook, since he couldn't tell how long the placenta would hold out. At best we could've carried her to around 26-28 weeks, get steroid injection and deliver her. However, he kept preparing us for the possibility of stillbirth. Our hour and 1/2 trip home was the longest in my life. I was going through so many emotions from hope to devestation to downright anger.

Four days after the appointment, I felt her kick and listened to her heartbeat one last time. Her heartrate was always around 160 and that morning it was around 125. I knew she was in distress and that there was nothing I could do. I spent the day with my parents and my kids and that night my DH came home from work and we went to see the fireworks. When we came home I told my DH that I was afraid to listen for the HB. When I tried, it wasn't there. We continued to try for over an hour and then I cried myself to sleep until the next morning. We went over to labor and delivery at my local hospital, where everything was confirmed. From there we then had to travel to the hospital where the specialist was. There was the possibility of needing to do a hysterectomy based on how attached the placenta was. He decided that I could have her naturally, but I was terrified because my other two had been c-sections. This was all new for me. The night of July 1st they had to insert Bamboo sticks (called Laminea) into my cervix. This was quite painful. The next morning at 6:00 A.M. I started pitocin . Three bags later and stronger, the Dr. felt that I probably wouldn't deliver her until the next morning (this was around 2:15). Just then my parents arrived with my kids and at 2:50 I felt a pop (water had broke) and she was on her way. I delivered her at 3:02. The placenta did not want to come out so I then had to go to the OR for a D&C.

When I got back to the room, we decided to see our daughter. She was absolutely perfect. I was amazed at every little finger and toe, the little dimple in her chin. She looked just like my other two, just tiny. I cried for her and for us, knowing that I would never see this beautiful little girl grow up. I tried to soak up every little detail of her so I will never forget that moment. My parents came in, along with the Priest, and we baptised her in the room. We named her Adelena Grace after my two grandmas that have passed. We had her cremated and her ashes our in an urn with an angel holding a baby on top.

Everyday I heal more. Somedays, it's like I hit a brick wall all over again. I'm so sorry for all of us Mom's and Dad's who had to have gone through this. It's such a heartache! I'm glad to have gotten this out and appreciate those who listened. It has really helped a lot!

Lisa
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  #2  
September 15th, 2007, 01:12 PM
Jaidynsmum's Avatar Dreams do come true....
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I'm so sorry to have to welcome you to the board, no-one should be here. Your daughter has a beautiful name and I'm sure she is watching over all of you.

My first daughter Ceilidh was stillborn due to anencephaly 13 years ago. I can't believe I have come this far, the pain does ease, but the memories remain fresh.

God bless you, your family and precious Adelena Grace

Yvonne xxx
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  #3  
September 15th, 2007, 06:39 PM
LDBalog's Avatar Member
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Location: Ohio
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Quote:
I'm so sorry to have to welcome you to the board, no-one should be here. Your daughter has a beautiful name and I'm sure she is watching over all of you.

My first daughter Ceilidh was stillborn due to anencephaly 13 years ago. I can't believe I have come this far, the pain does ease, but the memories remain fresh.

God bless you, your family and precious Adelena Grace

Yvonne xxx[/b]

Quote:
Quote:
I'm so sorry to have to welcome you to the board, no-one should be here. Your daughter has a beautiful name and I'm sure she is watching over all of you.

My first daughter Ceilidh was stillborn due to anencephaly 13 years ago. I can't believe I have come this far, the pain does ease, but the memories remain fresh.

God bless you, your family and precious Adelena Grace

Yvonne xxx[/b]
[/b]
Thanks for your response : ) Your daughter has a beautiful name as well! Beautiful names for even more beautiful angels
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  #4  
September 15th, 2007, 08:57 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2006
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I am so sorry for your loss. It is always so sad to welcome a new member. There are several other women here that can also help with some of the things you may be going through. I lost my daughter, Abby, on April 15th 2007 at 27 weeks. I found out I have 2 blood clotting disorders. It does get a little easier with time. Hugs!
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  #5  
September 16th, 2007, 05:58 AM
LDBalog's Avatar Member
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Quote:
I am so sorry for your loss. It is always so sad to welcome a new member. There are several other women here that can also help with some of the things you may be going through. I lost my daughter, Abby, on April 15th 2007 at 27 weeks. I found out I have 2 blood clotting disorders. It does get a little easier with time. Hugs![/b]
Thanks so much for the kind words I'm so sorry about your daughter, now beautiful angel. Was Abby your first? Are you able to treat your disorder? I'm sorry if I'm asking too many questions. The condition I had "Breus Mole" is usually caused by maternal thrombosis......in other words, my daughter died of a blod clot. I've read that in future pregnancies that this can be avoided by doses af heparin or low dose aspirin daily, although my dr. seemed to think that what I had was a rare occurance (0.02% chance of developing it).

I am finding that it does get better with time. DH & I will miss and grieve her everyday and no amount of time will change that. We both just got memorial tattoos recently. I got her footprints tattooed on my foot. I love to look down and feel that she is taking every step with me! My husband also got her footprints, but he had beautiful angel wings draped on each side with "Adelena Grace" in script and scroll work, along with the date. We are actually considering ttc very soon, not to ever replace her, but we just feel a void in our hearts. I'm so fortunate that we were blessed with two other wonderful children and will leave it in God's hands now.

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  #6  
September 17th, 2007, 08:05 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2006
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Yes Abby was our first, it took us almost 5 years to get pregnant with her. I am type 1 diabetic, and then these clotting disorders on top of it. I take baby aspirin and 5 mg of folic acid now along with my prenatal with omega 3 in it, then once I get BFP I will need Lovenox and a lot of u/s. Now it is just a matter of getting that bfp again! Ask as many questions as you would like, I don't mind really.

Tattoos are a nice thing to do. Although with my diabetes I have to chose other ways, because of the chance of infection. Anyways I am glad that you and your dh found a way that suits you. Share pics when you get the chance!
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  #7  
September 19th, 2007, 05:40 PM
LDBalog's Avatar Member
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Quote:
Yes Abby was our first, it took us almost 5 years to get pregnant with her. I am type 1 diabetic, and then these clotting disorders on top of it. I take baby aspirin and 5 mg of folic acid now along with my prenatal with omega 3 in it, then once I get BFP I will need Lovenox and a lot of u/s. Now it is just a matter of getting that bfp again! Ask as many questions as you would like, I don't mind really.

Tattoos are a nice thing to do. Although with my diabetes I have to chose other ways, because of the chance of infection. Anyways I am glad that you and your dh found a way that suits you. Share pics when you get the chance![/b]
Thanks for responding. I'm glad your able to take precautions before ttc again. I pray that we both get those BFP's very soon I just bought OPK's and am ready to go!! I've never used them before, so hopely I won't screw it up I've also been taking my prenatal along with the extra folic. The specialist that diagnosed me with the "Breus Mole" said that Folic acid is equally important for the development of the placenta. I'm so excited for the possibility of a new pregnancy, but so worried at the same time.

I'll definitely post the tattoos to everyone can check them out!

Let me know how things are going for you!!
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  #8  
September 20th, 2007, 04:48 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Ugh, I'm so sorry. I hate having to greet new people here, but you are most welcome.

I lost my first daughter at 38w1d due to a cord accident, May 2, 2006. I have since had another beautiful baby girl, June 7 of this year.


I don't know if time makes the pain less, or just makes you stronger and more able to deal with it. again
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  #9  
September 21st, 2007, 03:09 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2006
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Don't know if you found your way to the ttc after loss board, but you will find me there! Opk's are extremely helpful, but sometimes a real pain. This month I have had 4+'s, so I have no idea what to think. Dh and I were avoiding this month, but those opks are just staying +. We all know exactly what you mean about the excitement and being worried all at that same time. I know I was worried before, but now it will be even more, but it will all be worth it to have a living screaming baby in our arms! Feel free to pm me anytime! This journey is difficult, but worth it.
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  #10  
September 22nd, 2007, 08:43 PM
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I am so sorry for your loss. I was in tears as I read your story. You chose a beautiful name for your daughter! I lost my daughter, Hayden in October 2006. I found out through u/s that she had passed away & I was then induced. I also had to have a D&C after she was born for the rest of placenta.
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<div align="center"><span style="font-family:Georgia">Heather(21) ~ Mommy to Angel Hayden</span>






*Hayden's Memorial Myspace*



</div>
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  #11  
September 23rd, 2007, 07:57 AM
LDBalog's Avatar Member
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Quote:
I am so sorry for your loss. I was in tears as I read your story. You chose a beautiful name for your daughter! I lost my daughter, Hayden in October 2006. I found out through u/s that she had passed away & I was then induced. I also had to have a D&C after she was born for the rest of placenta.[/b]

Although I am so glad I found this site and other women who have gone through this, it's still upsetting that we all have gone through this heartbreak I'm so sorry for your loss as well, your daughter also has a beautiful name!! I can't even imagine how you're feeling, as it's coming close to a year that you lost her. I have felt that I lost all track of time since Adelena was born still. Some days are so much longer than others, as I'm sure you know. Did you have a placenta problem also?

Your memorium to Hayden is beautiful!! I'm still working on getting pictures on my settings, but still having trouble.....I'm very new at this and am not having luck : ( I think I better get advice from everyone soon : )
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  #12  
September 23rd, 2007, 10:18 AM
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Quote:
Quote:
I am so sorry for your loss. I was in tears as I read your story. You chose a beautiful name for your daughter! I lost my daughter, Hayden in October 2006. I found out through u/s that she had passed away & I was then induced. I also had to have a D&C after she was born for the rest of placenta.[/b]

Although I am so glad I found this site and other women who have gone through this, it's still upsetting that we all have gone through this heartbreak I'm so sorry for your loss as well, your daughter also has a beautiful name!! I can't even imagine how you're feeling, as it's coming close to a year that you lost her. I have felt that I lost all track of time since Adelena was born still. Some days are so much longer than others, as I'm sure you know. Did you have a placenta problem also?

Your memorium to Hayden is beautiful!! I'm still working on getting pictures on my settings, but still having trouble.....I'm very new at this and am not having luck : ( I think I better get advice from everyone soon : )
[/b]
I lost track of time as well since losing Hayden, the only dates I really noticed were each 13th of the month (day she was born). No, I didn't have a placenta problem. We had a bunch of tests run on Hayden & myself but everything came back normal, so the cause is unknown.

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<div align="center"><span style="font-family:Georgia">Heather(21) ~ Mommy to Angel Hayden</span>






*Hayden's Memorial Myspace*



</div>
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  #13  
October 1st, 2007, 11:37 AM
Angel_Maker
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I am sooo very sorry for your loss....

I recently (Aug 3, 2007) gave birth to conjoined twin boys....

It was my first pregnancy and DH and I had tried for 9 months before FINALLY getting pregnant with help from fertility meds (Clomid)

Even though I had 4 u/s prior....they didn't detect a problem until 12 1/2 weeks....it was then that I found out I was pregnant with non viable conjoined twins....We were given the option to "abort" that day; however, I first sought a second, third, fourth, and FIFTH opinion....every doctor said the SAME thing....my babies shared one heart and one head (one of the rarest forms of conjoined twins) and there was no way they would survive....

Still refusing a D&C (my babies were still very much alive), I opted to be induced at 16 weeks (babies were literally struggling to stay alive and my own health was at risk)

So at 16 weeks I was induced and gave birth to my sleeping Angels.....Asher ("blessed) and Noah ("comfort") They were absolutely beautiful and perfect......the most amazing little babies I've ever seen...

Conjoined twins are completely random and unfortunately there is no way to prevent them....their placenta was tested for any genetic abnormalities, however, everything came back entirely normal.....that is good news for us now that we're TTC again.....

I also got a memorial tattoo for my angels.....here it is....
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  #14  
October 2nd, 2007, 04:34 PM
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I am so sorry to hear your loss. DH and I lost our baby boy (our first child together), last wednesday morning, just under a week ago. He was 19w5days. I went into labor. The baby was born. I don't know how long ago he had passed. My ultrasound was at 17 weeks 1 day, and everything looked good then. I too, think i had a problem with the placenta. I bled for about 2 months prior.

They took my baby to the lab for evaluation. I tried to look at him, and soak him up, but i was in so much emotional pain. I wish I would have seized the moment more. We were so shocked. This is my first loss and I can truly feel your pain. I am so sorry.

DH and I want to ttc again soon, as well. Also, not to replace our little boy, but to fill a void in our lives, as we want a child together so much, and our little boy helped us realize this.

I don't know if i'm technically a stillbirth, but I'm glad I went onto this forum, because I think in can relate more to stories like yours, than stories of pregnancies lost at 5 weeks or so, kwim? The loss may be the same, but the experience is not.

Thanks for sharing. You can PM me if you need to.
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  #15  
October 29th, 2007, 03:41 PM
LDBalog's Avatar Member
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I'm so sorry for your loss as well. It's been awhile since I've logged on and so sad to see the new postings of mom's who have recently lost their little ones. When I found out about my placenta problem, it was a complete shock because I had no symptoms, bleeding, etc. Let's hope and pray that our next pregnancies will be problem-free. I try not to get too wrapped up in questioning why everything happened. I have my sights set on a new healthy pregnancy, but at the same time there is not a moment that goes by that I don't think of my daughter. I'm sure you know exactly what I'm talking about. I hope that you find the strength and courage to make it through this very difficult time.....there are definitely brighter days to come : )






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