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for those who have had a baby after a stillbirth


Forum: Stillbirth

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  #1  
October 1st, 2007, 11:27 PM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
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as many of you know im pregnant again after having my stillborn daugher and a early m/c i was just asking how you coped with your pregnancy and the baby with all the emotional feelings and grief following your losses?
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  #2  
October 2nd, 2007, 07:40 PM
jhmomofmany's Avatar Look! A Dancing Banana!
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First, congratulations on your pregnancy, and I pray that everything will go easy for you.

My pregnancy with Mary was very difficult physically. I carried Hope almost full term, and my due date with Mary was only 14 months after I delivered Hope. For most of the last three months of my pregnancy with Mary, I was tired all the time and had to nap every day. I should have been much more attentive of my nutrition during that time, so I would suggest you pay attention to that. Your emotional state really is tied in with your physical condition, IMO.

I had a hard time at first getting excited about this pregnancy that most likely would not have occurred if Hope were still with us. And of course, I was scared of loosing another child. For me, it was only my faith in God that brought me through, and my willingness to accept His will for us no matter what. I don't know what your personal beliefs are, but I had to believe that God had good reason for bringing Hope home so soon, even if I couldn't understand what those reasons were. And even more than accepting, I had to learn to thank Him for the gift that she was, and offer her back to Him with gratitude and love. I realize that sounds totally corny... I'm just can't find better words to describe what it took for me to get to that place where I was sad but no longer grieving. Does that even make sense?

I had considered that our loss of Hope might affect my ability to labor efficiently, but that turned out not to be the case at all. I had often thought that my delivery with Hope would have been perfect (quick, painless, and an intimate moment with only DH and I together) except for the fact that we knew she had died. As it turned out, Mary's birth was similar in almost every way, and I am grateful that it turned out to be such a healing experience.

The day after Mary was born it hit me hard how very much I wish I had all my children here with me. I knew that another baby could never replace the baby that we lost, and having her with us makes the "hole" in our family that much more obvious to me. There is 3 1/2 year's age difference between her and her big brother, with Hope in between. We have now been blessed with four boys and three girls... but when people ask how many children I have I feel like a fool struggling with the answer. So I just answer "six". It feels almost like a betrayal, but I know in my heart that our little girl understands why I take the easy way out rather than explain, especially to strangers.

I hope some of this is making sense... It is almost my bedtime. I'll be back tomorrow.
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  #3  
October 6th, 2007, 11:22 AM
~ Liz ~'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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My stillborn son and my oldest daughter, Kaitlyn, were born two years and five days apart. Emotionally I was just fine during her pregnancy...just a little worried about losing her, of course.



ETA: Physically I was okay, too. My incision from Elijah was sore all of the time after she started really growing and moving but that's about it...
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  #4  
October 12th, 2007, 02:34 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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Quote:
The day after Mary was born it hit me hard how very much I wish I had all my children here with me. I knew that another baby could never replace the baby that we lost, and having her with us makes the "hole" in our family that much more obvious to me.[/b]
This is very much how I felt too. Although, since Cora was my first, I didn't quite really understand what it meant to be a mother before Erin came home. So having her at home made me grieve for Cora all over again. I grieved all those tender moments that we didn't get to have, that I didn't know it was POSSIBLE to have before.


I'm grateful she was my first. I honestly don't think I could have survived losing her if I had known exactly what I was losing. Erin has done a great deal to help me heal, too, though. I love having her.

But like jhmomofmany, it was my faith that got me through my pregnancy. I felt God's hand in my life every day from the day we knew we'd lost Cora. There were many many many prayers said, and much comfort given.
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  #5  
October 15th, 2007, 05:34 PM
BabycakesDes's Avatar Member
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I don't think any pregnancy after a stillbirth is easy. I got PG with my second son very quickly after my first son was stillborn, and I worried everyday. My only comfort was ordering a heartbeat machine from heartbeatsathome, and that helped me when I was feeling aprehensive. My pregnancy with my second son was NOTHING but abnormal as well. I had to undergo surgery at 6 weeks to have my gall bladder removed, and as a result of that surgery I llost my sons twin sister a couple days later. It is so hard going through a pregnancy after a stillbirth, at least for me it was!

But congrats on being PG again, and many many prayers for a happy and healthy 9 months!
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  #6  
October 16th, 2007, 08:07 PM
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I had someone once tell me (actually it was a physic) that a calm mother makes a calm baby. Any day that I was worried I tried to think just that! I won't say it was an easy 9 months (and I swear I knew from day 1) but it actually did go by faster than I thought it would. My stress level got a little higher near the end-but I just kept on repeating those words. No one can reassure you-although many people tried (if i heard oh it will all be fine this time around one more time........) Just enjoy your pregnancy and try to stay calm.
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  #7  
October 20th, 2007, 12:05 PM
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I think I was fine mostly during the pg but realized how sick I was with Macy's pregnancy, but the grieving did not go away and I still cry and am still grieving. I have much of the same feeling that Brittanie has regarding the loss, the pain and faith in God and knowing how he carried us through the pain and still lifts me up knowing I have Him to trust and lean on. Also, without the loss of Macy, I would have never known Jordan which is all at least, part of God's plan for us. I have three children now and I am so thankful for all of them.
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  #8  
October 22nd, 2007, 03:07 PM
Catherine's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Right now, I'm not dealing with it so well. But I'm trying to just distract myself enough that the fear can't grab hold of me every single second of every single day. I'm sad and angry and just basically all over the map emotionally. I keep repeating my friend's mantra, "Most babies live." Maybe I'm fooling myself, but I have to think that the odds are in my favor (finally).
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  #9  
October 25th, 2007, 09:02 AM
Mom2MacyandDru's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I dont think I will ever be rid of the grief that I feel over my loss, but I am so thankful that I was blessed again to become pregnant and deliver a beautiful and healthy baby girl. I was nervous during the pregnancy, but I had to cling tightly to my Faith in God and trust he would see me through it. So... try to enjoy your pregnancy and the less you can worry the better. Congratulations to you.
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