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feeling detached


Forum: Stillbirth

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  #1  
November 28th, 2007, 03:53 AM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
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i cant help but feel a little detached i mean i love this baby so much but feel scared to get too close in case something dreadful happens i ve been having thoughts of it happening again being 18 weeks it would mean giving birth again and it scares me..my every thought is if the baby is ok and if one day i dont feel movement im panicing in case something is wrong....im slowly but surely going in sane!!!

how do i get passed these thoughts and feelings my head is a mess feels like im gonna busrt!
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  #2  
November 28th, 2007, 05:11 PM
Catherine's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I never got past those thoughts. But the dam broke when I heard him cry in the delivery room and a week later, I can't imagine my life without him. Just take it one day at a time...keep breathing and eating and don't expect so much of yourself. You WILL make it through this...I promise.
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  #3  
November 29th, 2007, 10:47 PM
Fluffy Baby's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I have no experience, but hang in there! I read that 97% of moms that have one stillborn go on to have healthy babies. I think I seen that on stillnomore.org.

Wow, Kate I just noticed that you have 2 angel babies. I am so sorry. I couldn't imagine going thru this twice. You are so strong to have gone on to have another baby. Do you have your story somewhere? I am new to the Stillborn Forum and I would love to know how you handled this. I feel crazy everyday and I just wish I would "snap" out of it.

I also am scared to TTC again because I can't handle something else like this. I had an emergency c/s with Alyssa due to her heartrate crashing after 3 days of labor. I was planning a VBAC for Dominic. I had a repeat c/s with his due to being transverse and I was in shock and wanted him out ASAP (in hopes of the doctors being wrong). My OB and I have agreed with any and all future pregnancies I will be having a c/s around 38 weeks. I am a firm believer in VBACS (if I went into labor before my c/s, I would try) but I can't risk going past 40 weeks again (I had both my babies on 42w2d.). If I was still pregnant at 40 weeks I would be a nervous wreck.


As for the detached issue, I was like that with Dominic. I had no reason to be. At the beginning, I thought I was going to miscarry, then I thought he was going to be born premature, then my mind eased and about 34 weeks I started to attach myself to him and I was pregnant until I was 42w2d. I feel bad now because before 34 weeks, it was like he didn't exist. I thought my water broke and I went to OB triage. I got to see him on the u/s and I fell in love with him. For those next 2 months I bonded with him so much. Then my world was taken away as quickly as it was given to me. My point is, it is hard, but don't detach from the baby. You don't want to wind up with the guilt of ignoring your baby on top of everything else. I ignored DS for over 7 months and now I am dealing with the guilt.

Stay strong! I wasn't trying to steal your thread, I just wanted to tell you about what I thought to make you feel better. Sorry if it didn't help. **hugs** to you, hang in there!
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  #4  
November 30th, 2007, 12:38 AM
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oh hun....i totaly understand about being scared to ttc cause i was the same i did start to ttc but everytime i actualy thought about having another baby i stopped my partner from finishin inside of me in case the same thing happened again i was like this on and off for about 12 months after my last loss i thought that i wouldnt be able to handle another loss so in the end i forgot about getting pregnant stopped it of course but somehow got pregnant usin the with drawal method stupid i know ....lol...but here i am 19 weeks pregnant and so scared i feel detached in case something goes wrong but i have had many replies saying this from other mummies who have had a stillbirth but they also said they would feel guilty if something did happen and they didnt feel attched to the baby and it makes sense too i just gotta take one day at a time and relax
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  #5  
November 30th, 2007, 05:38 PM
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Honestly, I never allowed myself to feel detached from Mary. From the moment I knew she existed, I loved her. I worried myself sick sometimes, thinking about loosing another baby. But through it all I loved her and decided that even if I was to loose her it would be better to know her and feel that attachment while I could. But OMGosh, did I worry. Getting past 36 weeks, when I lost Hope, helped a lot. Giving myself permission to continue grieving for Hope helped a lot, too. Mary is not a replacement for the daughter we lost, but an addition to our family in her own right. And it helps, too, that I know with all my heart that all my children and I will be in heaven together someday. The sorrow of this time is passing, and God will restore what we have lost. {{{HUGS}}} It isn't easy but you are stronger than you believe.
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  #6  
December 1st, 2007, 03:59 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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I had a hard time about feeling detached from my pregnancy with Erin. I just couldn't get really excited about it. Every moment was overcast with worry. Not that I didn't love her or have my dreams and plans for her, it just was so HARD to be happy and excited. I was just so ready to have a baby in my arms instead of in my belly, and so scared that the same thing would happen all over again and I'd never get my baby.


Claire, everything will be okay. Take each moment as it comes. I agree with Jennifer: let yourself continue to grieve for your baby Jessica. Having another baby doesn't make that pain go away. I'm surprised when I have realized that as much as I tell people they shouldn't expect me to just be okay since I now have a baby, that I still continue to expect that myself, subconciously.

Saying a prayer for you!

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  #7  
December 3rd, 2007, 10:52 PM
Fluffy Baby's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I hope you are feeling better. I was think about you today. <3
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  #8  
December 4th, 2007, 12:48 AM
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leAan hunnie thank you x im feeling a little better more so no that i have found a place close enough that do 4d scans im gonna book one for middle of jan when ill be 25 weeks x
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  #9  
December 4th, 2007, 12:18 PM
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Make sure you post pictures when you get them! I think 4D scans are so amazing!

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  #10  
December 31st, 2007, 08:29 PM
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I'm not sure I worried too much. I honestly don't remember. Probably didn't worry too much because I tend to play the denial game and just pretend everything is fine. Plus, my Dr. was extremely cautious with me and gave extra ultrasounds and took every precaution to make me feel better. Plus, Jordan's pregnancy was SO much easier and it made me realize how sick I was with the infection with Macy's pregnancy. I think that put my mind to rest. I hope you are feeling better now.
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  #11  
December 31st, 2007, 11:54 PM
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I honestly don't know how any of you who have TTC'd after a stillbirth have done it.

I have had 5 m/c & 1 ectopic (in addittion to Ava's Stillbirth) After each of them there was fear in the beginning but once I passed the 1st Trimester I was okay... I cannot even fathom going through an entire pregnancy panicing over every "quiet" time the baby has...

I want to try again at some point... DH doesn't, we'll see, but I can't imagine how I'll get through it without a lot of xanex

All I can say is FEEL STRONG!! It takes a lot of courage to TTC again.... you have the strength few others would be able to summon.... For YOUR CHILD, what else in the world could make you stronger??!!!

<div align="center">Let yourself feel that way... fear will always be there, it's all about how we handle the fear... and it looks like you've given fear the big "F& YOU!!!"</div>

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  #12  
January 7th, 2008, 02:39 AM
tinkymom3's Avatar Veteran
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I know how you feel and I wrote about it 4 years ago when I was pregnant with Noah's little brother Cameren... please go to Noah;s website and go to his story page, towards the bottom it will tell you how I coped with it. www.thegraybabies.com

please let me know if this helped you
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  #13  
January 11th, 2008, 12:46 AM
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Quote:
i cant help but feel a little detached i mean i love this baby so much but feel scared to get too close in case something dreadful happens i ve been having thoughts of it happening again being 18 weeks it would mean giving birth again and it scares me..my every thought is if the baby is ok and if one day i dont feel movement im panicing in case something is wrong....im slowly but surely going in sane!!!

how do i get passed these thoughts and feelings my head is a mess feels like im gonna busrt![/b]
Please go to Noah's site to his story page and on there it will tell you how I FELT AND HOW i DEALED WITH BEING PREGNANT AGAIN AFTER i LOST nOAH, i SURE HOPE IT HELPS.... sorry for the cap locks, i would go back and fix it but to lazy, LOL
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