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Why is it that the night time is so much harder then the day? I struggle so much at night. I don't want to go to sleep because I dream of Gracie's birth over and over. Or I dream about when the Dr. told us the news and I yelled out, I can't kill my baby. Then I finally sleep, and then I don't want to get out of bed. I long for my little girl, I feel empty. My DH keeps telling me how good I look and I think No I don't, I should be getting bigger by the week, not loosing weight because of my grief. Then the thought of what to do next. I have to go to the dr. in 3 weeks. We will talk about what to do next. Whether I will go on some sort of birth control, whether or not we will try again. I long for my baby, but I don't know if I could do this again, and I know after three losses that I have no guaruntee's that it wont happen all over again.
HUGS! I'm sorry you having such a hard time right now.
The nighttimes are still hard for me. But it has gotten a bit better. I remember after Bryan Luke died waking up screaming. I had these horrible nightmares for a few weeks after he was born. I've stopped having those, but I still take longer to sleep than I used to. And I still cry a lot at night.
Do you have any sleeping pills? Something that will just help you get some rest? Those helped me a lot right after he was born. I went about 4 days with no sleep and I was getting really sick and finally gave in to take one. I slept for 16 hours and felt much better. Do you have anyone to talk to? A counselor, therapist, support group? That also helped me considerably.
Nights are always the hardest. During the day you have to get things done and don't have time for yourself. Then at night when your winding down is when everything comes rushing back and you keep replaying it over in your mind. If it is any comfort at all the nights do get better. I think for me it was after her due date passed that I was finally able to sleep through the night. Take all the time you need, cry as much as you want, and when the time is right to ttc again you will know it. (((Hugs))). Once you see the dr. you might get more answers to help you heal and to make that decision. Be sure to write down all of your questions and take them with you to the dr. I found that I had so many and I forgot to ask at the first dr. appt. And it is good to take someone with you!
Thank you Mistyx5 for my siggy.
Thanks girls! I have been taking tylenol PM. Actually I have to take it or I don't sleep. SO that is the sleep I get. Thank God for my other children because I don't want to even get out of bed until around 11am. I guess that is kinda normal.
I like being able to come here and say how I feel and know that others will understand. Thank you for that!