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I feel guilty


Forum: Stillbirth

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  #1  
February 10th, 2008, 10:29 AM
Fluffy Baby's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: SW FL
Posts: 8,785
DH and I have been talking about when we want to TTC again. DS was our surprise baby, I was on birth control. I am scared for a few reasons.

1 This is totally selfish, but I want a boy. I want what I am going to miss with Dominic. I want to take him to sports practice. I want to take him to karate. I want to have a mommy's little boy. I was so looking forward to all that with my baby boy. Then he was taken away from me faster than I ever could have imagined.

I love my daughter, but I want a boy.

2 I feel like whether it is now or a year or 4 from now I will feel guilty for TTC. I makes me feel like he might think we are forgetting him or trying to replace him. Nothing could ever replace him, but my arms ache to hold a baby. I know you girls know what I am talking about. I do want to wait at least 4 more months, because I had 2 c/s 15 months apart.

I have so many mixed feelings about all of this. I have 2 pregnant friends, one due in may and the other in august. I am trying to hold out so I can hold their babies, but I have that baby itch.

xoxoox
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  #2  
February 10th, 2008, 05:44 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 2,632
I know what you mean. I really want another little girl, not to replace my Abby but to do all those girl things with her. I don't think its selfish at all. I think it is very normal for us. I would not be upset to have a little boy, but I got my heart set on a little girl. If we end up with a boy this time, then I guess we will just have to ttc again after that. And if Abby is our only girl, then thats just the way it is.

TTC is always so hard even when you haven't been through a loss like we have. So many more worries and fears come up now, but we have to follow our hearts.
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  #3  
February 12th, 2008, 01:32 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton, CO
Posts: 43,573
I wanted Erin to be a girl so bad (got my wish!). I just knew it would be SO MUCH harder for me to box up all of Cora's clothes and put them away without using them. After we lost Cora, I pretty much left all the little clothes in the dresser where they were.

So, yes, I understand your want to have a boy, since that's what you were expecting and hoping for.


And since when is having a baby selfish? I know it feels that way, but think about it: it's the most UNselfish thing you will ever do.

And I think you are right, you will from now on worry about whether or not wanting to TTC is a subconscious desire to replace him. I've been feeling like it's time for us to have another, and I still worry if wanting to replace Cora is the reason behind it.

That desire to have a baby is not WRONG. I hope you and DH can figure something out that you both agree on, and that you get your boy when the time comes.
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  #4  
February 13th, 2008, 06:23 PM
sarahp's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: An Aussie living in California
Posts: 0
I have to say, I don't believe I will feel any guilt about TTC again. Dominic was not a replacement for your daughter, so why should another baby be a replacement for Dominic? People choose to have multiple children, and you obviously didn't realise how much you wanted another until you were pregnant again.

Go ahead guilt free - there's no reason why you shouldn't want another boy. We felt we were robbed with Joshua, so would like a boy next time, but will be satisfied with a healthy baby. Although we have a lot of boy clothes, so a boy would be good.
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