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Feeling a little depressed


Forum: Stillbirth

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  #1  
March 16th, 2008, 09:43 PM
sarahp's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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DH and I were talking about trying again, and he said we can in January next year. I said that's forever away and I don't want to wait that long - maximum 6 months. He says he wants a normal life for a while with no drama because of everything *he's* been through. I was the one who carried the baby, had a c section, and had the heart surgery! I know it was hard on him emotionally, but if I can handle it, why can't he??

He's adamant we have to wait until then, and won't even discuss it. I feel as though I've been through so much, and I'm ready to be a mum, and I don't want to wait forever. We moved to the US for his job, and I had to quit my job that I loved, and haven't found a job that I enjoy since I've been here. My life feels as though it doesn't have much meaning at the moment, and I've given up so much for him.

We should have had a baby 6 months ago, why should we wait another year to start TTC? I don't know what to do
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  #2  
March 16th, 2008, 09:47 PM
Fluffy Baby's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I am so sorry that your DH isn't on your wave length. Maybe suggest not trying, but not preventing either and let God give you a blessing when he wants you to have it. DH and I were not trying but it happened, around my dead great grandmas Bday, I think she had something to do with me getting preggo again.

I hope your DH comes around and understands that you have that desire, that passion to be a mom to an earth angel! GL hun, stay strong!
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  #3  
March 16th, 2008, 10:04 PM
sarahp's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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He absolutely does not want to start trying - which means staying on contraceptives until then. I don't know how to make him understand what I'm going through.
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  #4  
March 17th, 2008, 05:13 AM
claire1979's Avatar mummy to a special angel
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oh hun im so sorry. wont he compramise? and split the year down to 6 months and then try but not try? i am no help hun sorry just wanted to send u hugs
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  #5  
March 17th, 2008, 01:00 PM
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I have gone through something like this with my dh, although slightly different. Dh explained to me that he felt so helpless when I was giving birth. He said that he knows I went through much more than him since I carried her and felt every little kick, gave birth, and had my bb's swell up with milk shortly after. He said that what he went through was hard too because he had to be the strong one, had to be the one to call people, take care of the dogs while I was in the hospital, he "saw" things that he shouldn't have ever had to see, and he needed a break from the thought of ever going through that again. Dh has finally just started coming around and we are going on a year next month. I know that desire we all crave. Hang in there, and I hope that he will come around a lot sooner. You never know, maybe one of those months you will need an antibiotic and ooops you get pregnant.

Sorry I don't have much advice. Wish I could make it all better.
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  #6  
March 17th, 2008, 01:05 PM
Fluffy Baby's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I know you wouldn't want to "trick" your DH into getting you pregnant, but if I felt that strongly about wanting another and DH was against it, I might have to find a loophole. The way I see it is, I stay home, I am pregnant, I am delivering, I am taking care of baby, I make the decisions, I decide when I want another. DH is more than happy to help out with his role. My DH wanted another one too right away, but I didn't have to have surgery and heal from that too. I am sorry that your family has to even go thru this.

**hugs** to you

xoxoxoxoxo
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  #7  
March 17th, 2008, 01:25 PM
sarahp's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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We had a big talk about it last night (lots of tears, frustration, sadness etc.), and I think he just can't bear to see me in pain again anytime soon. I still think that if I can handle it, he should be able to, but I also think I would have a much harder time seeing him go through the same thing and feeling so helpless myself.

We have had pretty much non-stop worry for 15 months now, so I guess he needs time to relax for a bit before we go through aother stressful 9 months of pregnancy. We compromised though, and said that in a few months (maybe around July/August), we'll go talk to the obstetrician and address all of our fears, talk about future pregnancy, then we'll have another talk about whether he's ready yet.

I'm sure the time will fly by, but it seems like forever away.
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  #8  
March 17th, 2008, 02:13 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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I'm glad that you were able to compromise! You did exactly what I was going to suggest: Wait for another couple of months and then see how everyone is feeling then.

You've already waited longer then I did, but then again, I didn't have the heart issues to worry about.


However, for him to blatantly say no, period, feels kind of selfish to me. Yes, it's stressful for the guy, but you're going to be worrying MUCH more through another pregnancy because you'll be thinking about it all day every day, whereas he's going to think about it every once and a while.

I hope he's ready in another few months, while you've had nothing to stress over. Try not to bring it up too much, even though I know you'll be thinking about it so much.

And if you DO decide to TTC then, my DH and I have also discussed TTC at the end of August, so maybe we'll be pg together!
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  #9  
March 18th, 2008, 09:52 AM
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I am so glad that you both reached a compromise. Talking to the dr. will probably help a lot more with him. I hope that the time will fly by and dh will be more than ready! Maybe you will even be able to get into the dr. a little sooner. And after the dr. gives the green light, dh might follow along. It can't hurt to see the dr. right? I hope that you will both have a little bundle of joy to bring home soon!
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  #10  
March 18th, 2008, 03:54 PM
sarahp's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I should probably add that while I was pregnant (which was high risk), I went to emergency twice - the second time being when we'd lost Joshua, and after heart surgery we also had to go to emergency twice, the second time I was kept overnight. As well as that, I got a staph infection in my incision which turned into an abscess and for a couple of days I was in more pain that I have ever experienced before - I was on 4 Ibuprofen at a time, 3 times a day, plus Percocet and I was still crying in agony. They finally realised it was an abscess, and DH held my hand and WATCHED while they got a scalpel and opened up about 2 inches of the incision so the abscess could drain. It left a big hole in my chest, so for two weeks he then changed the dressings and packed the wound with gauze for me morning and night.

Now that I'm feeling a little less emotional, and I think about what he's seen - me going through a lot of pain of the actual c section, which is kind of a blank for me, but something he remembers clearly, as well as the pain afterwards, he was waiting for 9 1/2 hours while I was in heart surgery - he was so scared, he was throwing up the night before my surgery as well as the day of surgery. He was there when I came out of heart surgery and was unconscious with a breathing tube down my throat, he saw all the pain I went through with that which is once again a bit of a blur for me. And like I said, got the *@$! scared out of him having to take me to emergency twice.

The poor guy shouldn't have to see someone he cares about so much go through all that. I think I understand why he wants a break before we go through another high risk pregnancy - he's been through so much as well.
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  #11  
March 18th, 2008, 06:09 PM
Fluffy Baby's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I am glad you have been able to compromise and now you understand each other more. My husband gets sick too when I have to have surgeries. I hope things work out for you soon. You will probably get preggo when you least expect it. **hugs**
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I am a mixture of all that and a bag of chips... IJS



Rest In Peace Jennifer <3



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