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Forum: Stillbirth

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  #1  
March 18th, 2008, 05:39 PM
MegansMommy0531's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Buckeye Country
Posts: 3,508
Hello,

I want to start by saying how sorry I am for all of your losses.

DH is into amateur photography, and he got wind of an organization called www.nowilaymedowntosleep.com.

They are looking for photographers to take photos of stillborn babies for the family to remember them by....

Anyway, would you have wanted a professional photographer there? What would you have expected them to do and bring? If a photographer was there, how was your experience? I am asking because DH is on a message board with professional photographers who are thinking about doing this and they want advice on how to best handle these situations.

You can post a reply here or PM me if you'd like it to be confidential.

Thanks for reading this.

Amie
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  #2  
March 18th, 2008, 06:17 PM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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I already responded to you in our PR. I just wanted to say again that I think it's a great idea!
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  #3  
March 18th, 2008, 06:21 PM
lunarmagic's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: MA
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One of my biggest regrets is that the photos we have of our son are so poor. We only have a couple of photos, taken by a nurse. We had no camera with us because he came early. We will never be able to get more.

I would have LOVED to have a photographer come in to take photos of our little boy. I would treasure them forever.

I would have had no expectations to be honest. I had hopes that they would have a decent camera (they didn't - it appears it was just a point-and-shoot that was used). A good eye. I just wanted nice photos of him.... artistic... well-composed shots. Photos of his little hands... his little feet... his sweet little face. In focus (half the ones I got are blurry).

That's all. Nothing fancy. Nothing big. The more a photographer could do, the better... but honestly all we want are some good photos. The nurse we had honestly tried for us. She just didnt' know how to work a camera.
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  #4  
March 18th, 2008, 06:34 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 2,632
I had NILMDTS come in and take pics of my baby. The only problem is that she didn't get there until a few hours later. It is critical for the photographer to get there asap because our babies change shortly after they are born. Please be sure to let him know that getting there sooner than later is very important. The lady that took our pics came in and brought her camera, she was sure to comment on how beautiful our little girl "is" not "was". I heard someone say "was" and it just struck a nerve with me...but I guess all women are different. It is important for him to ask if they want pics with the baby or just of the baby. I think it is the best thing a person can do for women that are going through this kind of pain. Also I wanted to add that when he has to touch the baby to position them better, be very gentle and with respect. I saw some of the nurses handle my baby and it upset me a great deal. I hope that helps and I hope that they will be able to help with the cause. It is very important for me to have my pics of my little girl. I never knew how much I would treasure them until more recently.
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  #5  
March 18th, 2008, 07:27 PM
Sebastians_mom
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Even though my baby wasn't still born, I treasure the photos that the nurse took as he was dying in my arms more then I have treasured any photo in my life. I look at them at least 10 times a day. I sent them to my family, my mum said she cried not at the sight of Sebastian but at the sight of me being so upset, you could literally see the tears in my eyes and on my face, while it is painful now I want to remember exactly how I felt at that moment and the photos capture it well. Also I was so caught up in my own pain at the time I had no idea how my husband handled it, now I can look at pictures and see the sadness and love he felt, pictures of him holding Sebastians hand, stroking his hair, crying on my shoulder. I even have one photo where you can see one of the nurses is upset and crying, I don't know why but that means a lot to me.

Many of the photos did come out blurry though and most are taken from the same angel. I am also sad that even though we got photo's of him as he was passing, once he had passed they then took his tubes and monitors off him and we got to cuddle him in a private room, the nurse never came with us to that room so there were no photos taken during that time. Because my husband never wanted to hold him as he was dying (he was scared) he ony held him later, I have no photos of my husband holding him. I never even thought at the time to ask someone to take them. There are some things that I wish I had, like a photo of my/my husbands hand with Sebastians hand, I would never have thought of it at the time, but if the nurse had of asked if I wanted one like that I would have said yes. We really do want to remember every part of our baby.
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  #6  
March 18th, 2008, 11:40 PM
Fluffy Baby's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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NILMDTS is such an awesome organization. I think that the photographers that volunteer their time and services are very generous people. I give them nothing but KUDOS! That is awesome your DH is thinking about this.

I wish I would have known about NILMDTS when I had my DS. I made sure to inform my OB and the maternity ward head about NILMDTS.

I don't really have an answer from me to answer your questions, because I never really thought about it. We took pictures of DS with our Digi Camera, but I would have loved someone to come take pics of my baby boy.

Ditto to everything everyone said above.

I just want to say that your DH should think long and hard about it. It is very emotional for the parents and family. Would he be able to handle seeing these people in such intense pain? I wouldn't want someone there that couldn't handle it, KWIM? It is a very personal thing in those few hours after your baby is stillborn or dies. It is very intimate between parents and baby. That is the only time we will ever get to hold our child. Can he handle seeing a dead baby? I am not being mean by asking these things, but it is very intense. If he decides to do it, Kudos to him for being able to handle it, I would fall apart every time.
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  #7  
March 19th, 2008, 08:38 AM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I think that is amazing. I love the pictures I have of my son, but I do only have a few. The ones the nurses took all look yellow for some reason. Bad lighting I'm sure.

I agree that they need to get there quickly. It is amazing how much they change in just a few hours.

Also, I would just say to take pictures as you would a newborn. Would you have the parents hold him a certain way, or take photos of the parents' hands and the baby's hand... then do that.

Treat the baby and the parents with the utmost respect. Don't try to give answers... there aren't any. It is appropriate to say, "I'm sorry for your loss." And then to just take the pictures. Refer to baby in the present. He is their son, not was their son.

Don't break down yourself. I couldn't handle people around me other than my immediate family who lost it. I couldn't comfort them in that time. And remember that some of our children were born early enough that their skin had not compeltely developed. Don't act shocked at how our babies look. We see their beauty, nothing else.

I think it is amazing that people would donate this service! It is so valuable! The only thing I have of my son are the pictures. I wish so badly I had more.
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  #8  
March 19th, 2008, 11:56 AM
MegansMommy0531's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thank you all for your replies and valuable insight. Definitely food for thought. I think we're going to put together our portfolios and apply to be photographers. We'll take it from there.

Again, I am so sorry for your losses.

Amie
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  #9  
March 20th, 2008, 08:40 AM
Ben,Logan&Kaitlin'sMommy's Avatar Super Moderator
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this website is incredible
I have been on it a lot and I would fully recommend your DH doing -
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  #10  
March 23rd, 2008, 01:00 PM
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NILMDTS is a wonderful group of people. May I also suggest http://www.acpcg.com/ the American Child Photographers Charity Guild. They are also an 100% free group who takes photos of critically ill or NICU children who are not going to make it. We had a woman out to do Calypso's photos on July 2nd and got her pictures the afternoon that she died. AMAZING we got 48 black and white photos and a beautiful montage of them put on disk
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