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Scared to death

Forum: May 2014 Playroom


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  • 1 Post By Nel

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September 14th, 2013, 08:58 PM
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 5
My name is Leann, 33 years old, I am a stay at home mom. My son just turned 6 and is in 1st grade, and my daughter is 22 months old. Just found out last week that baby #3 is on the way EDD 5/10. VERY VERY unexpected. I had such a hard time getting pregnant with my first two, PCOS, totally irregular periods, that I just really never thought it would happen again. I had a C-section with my son due to failure to progress. The recovery was great, no issues at all. Thought wow, that was awesome, I didn't have to push anything out my vagina, and never had to experience a contraction.

My scheduled C-section with my daughter was HORRIBLE!!!!! I got a bad infection, I needed a blood transfusion and I had a blood clot in abdomen the size of a dinner plate and the thickness of a brick. Two weeks after she was born my incision split wide open. I was re admitted back into the hospital and was there for 6 days. My infection was worse and my blood clot was not dissipating. I had to wear a wound vac for 2 weeks to get my incision to close from the inside. I had a home nurse that would come to my house 3x a week to change out my packing and tubing.

Me and my husband live 850 miles away from all of our family. It is hard enough as it is with 2 kids. I am not only scared to death about having another C-section, but scared of being able to juggle 3 kids. My husband works 50+ hours a week and is not home much. I am also in my 1st semester of doing the college thing(again. stopped 7 years ago, when I got pregnant with my son). Have no family around to help, really haven't made many friends. I am stressed to the max! He is so excited about having another baby, but me....not so much. I feel bad that I cant be as excited as he is. my nerves are already getting the best of me and I still got a long way to go. Am I being selfish, or are my fears and concerns realistic.

I appreciate any feedback- no matter how blunt.

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September 14th, 2013, 09:08 PM
Nel's Avatar
Nel Nel is offline
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 3,014

Congrats on the baby. I think any fears you have are very legit. Its nice your husband is excited but its totally expected that you would be worried. After going through all of that last time how could you not be.
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September 15th, 2013, 09:30 PM
softbreeze's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I live in Saskatchewan Canada
Posts: 911
Hey... You are totally within your rights to be worried and scared to death. That sounds like a horrible experience that you went through with your second, but remember it was that exoerience , Nothing says that this time will be same or even remotely similar. I totally understand the fear of doing it on your own, my hubby works away from home and is gone for months at a time, and I tend to freak out with being a single mom, running our farm, running my two homebased businesses and now adding a third into the mix. I totally get ya. But dont worry, you will not be given any more than you will be able to handle. You will do greata nd your children will lo ve you dearly for it all. Hang in there and the excitement will grow, look forward to the future when you will have three beautiful children and their families coming home to see you! Gotta make ya feel a little excited! HUGS
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September 16th, 2013, 07:46 AM
mkljmom's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 647
I think what you are feeling is normal. We are expecting our fifth on 5/7 and it's a HUGE SHOCK. My youngest will be 5 in February. This will be a major adjustment for us.

I have a few close friends and famiy members who are ttc and have fertility problems. Knowing the pain of their struggle makes me extremely thankful for our unexpected gift. I am still overwhelmed and scared, but we are just taking this one day at a time.

Unfortunately my hubs is not excited. He is concerned about finances, etc. We have faith that this baby is here for a reason .

I think it is fine to not be over the moon about an unexpected pregnancy. The excitement will build over the coming months and you will not be able to imagine your life with out the new addition when it arrives!
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September 16th, 2013, 08:52 AM
Sassafrass's Avatar Running Mamma
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 4,803

Congrats and welcome
Mummy to 7,

and 3 in my heart(3/13, 6/13 & 9/13)

Cautiously expecting our precious rainbow baby 02/18/15

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September 16th, 2013, 10:23 AM
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 397
I am so sorry to hear you are feeling so stressed right now. Hormones certainly don't help our worries and I hear you! I am a mom with number 5 on the way and my husband and I do not have any help from family as well for different reasons than you. I stay home and homeschool and my first was a csection. I also understand the bad birth experience and infection thing too! You and I sound very similar and I just wanted to reach out to you to offer you hope and let you know I would be happy to talk with you. I only know the info you listed in your post and I understand there are more details I do not know but maybe I can offer you some ideas. Have you ever thought of a vbac2c I had a vbac with my second birth and hbacs with my 3rd and 4th birth. I found the recovery much easier. I know it can be challenging caring for little ones at home by yourself. I have found it has gotten easier for me as the oldest got a bit older. I am sure you are a great stay at home mom now and when number 3 arrives you will be even better! I remember wondering how I would do it and now I wonder how my life was complete before each child came along! Each one has made me stronger, humbler, more grateful for all I have been given. It is ok to be scared we all are ! I think it is perfectly normal to fear a new beginning. I always feel like each pregnancy is a gift I can not really see and appreciate till it is opened. It is usually when they lay that little one on my chest I can say now I get it! Offering prayers for you a very special mom who loves her kids so much! I know you can do it! You just need to open that gift!

How can there be too many children? That is like saying there are too many flowers. ~ Blessed Mother Teresa
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September 16th, 2013, 10:33 AM
Kellylovesricky's Avatar & Mikey & Isabella
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Virginia
Posts: 764
Welcome! Congrats!

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September 16th, 2013, 10:49 AM
Del4's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Cali, baby!
Posts: 543
Your feelings are valid and understandable. I'm sorry you experienced something so horrific, especially during a time of what should have been pure joy, love, and bonding. I agree with Pp's that this experience does not have to be the same. Have you considered a VBAC? I have several friends who have had VBACs (one a HBA4C!) and all have said they would give birth vaginally over and over before having another CS. Just something to consider! Good luck to you and congratulations!!! It will all fall into place.

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September 16th, 2013, 06:33 PM
rebeccabaltimore and more's Avatar (rebeccabaltimore)
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 1,842
I understand your fear of c-sections. The anesthesia failed when I had mine, which obviously was a pretty horrible experience. I am done having kids (I'm here as your Mommy Guide) and the few times I have had major procedures requiring anesthesia the last few years I have been very worried. So I make a point of talking to my surgeon and anesthesiologist beforehand to make sure they know what happened with my c-section. Talk to your OB, make sure she knows how big a concern this is for you. That way she'll be sure to keep this all in mind and hopefully avoid further complications.

Thank you Vicki for my awesome siggy!!

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