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OT - SO stressor

Forum: May 2014 Playroom


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September 15th, 2013, 01:33 PM
LUSHaye's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,007
I'm fairly proud of myself for not getting AS worked up as I could, considering the things I've found out. This kind of stress is not something I want and I'm trying to keep all stress to a minimum.

I'm still pretty early in my pregnancy and I've chosen to keep my bun without the SO. Long story short, he's never going to change. Lying, hiding things, hanging out with his ex...I'm just classifying everything under cheating. If he's done nothing physical (which is highly unlikely, unfortunately), he's still cheated with his emotions, feelings, and time. I'm just not feeling up to dealing with it. Again. This is three times in a very short period of time.

I had actually originally thought of kicking him out of both mine and my bun's life. But then it made me a little bit sad that he wouldn't be a part of something he helped make. If I kicked him completely out, he would miss almost my entire pregnancy and the birth and...just everything. He's actually very excited that I'm pregnant, but he seems to have an issue with staying faithful. And after some thinking and calming down, I've decided that he can stay in the bun's life. He can be there for all of it, I won't fight him for it. I know he'll be a good father even if he's not a very good partner. He generally doesn't like reading, but all he does is read baby stuff now. He's borrowing baby books from his friends that already have/are ttc babies. He also can't seem to keep quiet about the news.

I'm not sure how custody is going to work out, but I do plan to have the bun for most of the time (once it's here). I'm very lucky to have my sister as a huge support system. I would be completely in pieces if it wasn't for her.

I'm just going to slowly work through this and just keep to my plan of saving as much as possible so I can enjoy my (hopefully extended) maternity leave next year. It's times like this that I'm glad to be so resourceful.

Sorry for the venting. I just needed to get it out in words.
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September 15th, 2013, 01:38 PM
Kellylovesricky's Avatar & Mikey & Isabella
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Virginia
Posts: 764
Good for you keeping a level head in this kind of a situation!

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September 15th, 2013, 03:21 PM
LUSHaye's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,007
Thank you. It's taken a bit of thinking and rethinking to get to a decision that I'm happy with.
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September 15th, 2013, 03:55 PM
PointDefiance's Avatar My job is life itself.
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Everett, WA
Posts: 3,567
Sounds like an awesome plan! Ex BF of mine was pretty much BFFs with his DSs mom, had Christmas together and all eventhobshe was married and had 2 other kids. We hung out all the time without issue. They were great friends, just not the best partners. For some people I think it could be awkward. But it really worked out for the DS and the quality of life for everyone =]
Thank you Jaidynsmum... for the lovely siggy!
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September 15th, 2013, 04:52 PM
mommy2b43's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,314
I think it's best for the kiddos if you can remain friendly- I think that's a very tough but mature decision to make! It's hard to put your feelings aside for the well being of your child but it's a decision you'll find yourself making over and over and over. Being a mom is tough!! Good luck!
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September 15th, 2013, 05:13 PM
mkljmom's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 647
My DS (13) father and I always treated our relationship as much like a business as we could to keep emotions out of it. It worked great until he moved 1,000 miles away 5 years ago and filed for custody. He lost, but it was the scariest thing I have ever been through.

I think it is important to stay cordial and business-like. I always told myself that if someone wanted to spend time with Max and they loved him and he was safe, then it was best for him. It is kind of cool bc he has so many people who love and support him.

I also think it is important to go to court and get paternity legally established as soon as you can.
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