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Later than normal miscarriages and stillbirths are always on my mind. With my previous 2, I felt fairly safe after the 12-week mark but this time I guess I am just more aware.
I made a huge mistake of reading a tragic OctoberDDC thread. A woman gave birth, full term, to a sleeping baby....
This might sound selfish..and I know the emotional aspect of a loss like this is overwhelming..but I can't help but think about how upset I would be to put my body through all of that, for virtually nothing but heartbreak... and then the hospital bills. Uggh.. there's so much more to it than losing a baby.
I have personally known 3 women in the last year who have had late term miscarriages. A friend of mine gave birth to 36 week twins both sleeping. The other two were lost at 18 weeks. I could not imagine. It seems so much more common than I think.. or I just know a lot of women. It is so tragic. I try to keep my mind off those things but then I dream about it.
I often thought of this during my first pregnancy and I still do. My sister's DH's cousin recently gave birth to a full term stillborn baby. However, there was more to it than just a random stillbirth. She was on drugs in the beginning of the pregnancy and may or may not have been using throughout.
The risk of it happening is low (1% I think) but I know how it's a hard worry to shake, especially since I'm high risk. I do know that usually later in the pregnancy you should be able to tell something is up by decreased movement...I guess it is something that happens gradually. That makes me feel a bit better because if you do notice decreased movement often the baby can be taken out before it dies.
I guess I just try to deal with it by reminding myself it is nothing I have control over. If I'm excited about the baby coming and it's born still I will grieve. If I'm worried the whole time and the baby dies I will still grieve. The outcome will be the same so I might as well try to enjoy being pregnant since it might be my last pregnancy. Idk thinking about it this way helps me a little.
It's very hard to not read stories like that or shut out the worry.
I just keep thinking that for every terribly tragic story I hear/read of that nature, there are thousands of other wonderful birth stories where babies are born healthy. I try to remember that the tragic stories stick with you longer and it makes it seem like it's happening more often than it really is!
When I was a teenager I worked of a young lady who lost her full term baby. I remember her wearing sunglasses everywhere she went for months after. Everytime i saw her you could she was trying to hard to go on with life. It really stuck with me.
My entire first pregnancy I was worried what happened to her baby, a total fluke, would happen to mine. Its just so sad. I am going to TRY not to worry so much this time but its super hard and I am a big time worrier.
I worry as well. My losses have all been first trimester but I have read/heard too many stories to not worry the rest of the time. We had a fail safe way of checking on DS, he LOVED Halo by Beyonce and would dance like crazy if we played it on my phone and sat it on my belly. I agree though, if you notice decreased movement, head to the hospital and be crazy and demanding until something is done, like prolonged monitoring.
Elan Dakota 7/28/2012
Paxx Tarlow & Sage Finley 10/20/2012
Rhys Caelan 5/3/2013
After my last m/c I got involved in a couple of Pregnancy/Baby loss groups. I now know way too much about exactly how wrong things can go. I honestly expected that to make the worry worse this pregnancy but it just occurred to me that I think I actually actively worry less than I did with DS. Oh I have my moments but if my m/c and years of fertility struggles have taught me anything it is how little control we have over anything and how unproductive worry is. So I am just focused on enjoying being pregnant. I guess I have the mentality that if the worst happens I will have to deal with for the rest of my life - no sense worrying about it in advance.
I had a loss at 23 weeks last year from Incompetent cervix which triggered preterm labor. She was born alive but died an hour later. I'm happy to be carrying another child and don't allow fear to change that joy. I strongly believe that everything happens for a reason and God needed another little angel to look after all of the sick and healthy children. After she earned her wings I just asked God to leave the rest of my future babies here on Earth for us to enjoy and I believe He will do just that. So with that being said, try not to worry yourself too much. Enjoy your pregnancies and bond with your soon to be healthy thriving baby!