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Help with DH??? long and O/T


Forum: May 2014 Playroom

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  #21  
January 22nd, 2014, 12:26 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 682
He is being selfish and absurd and like others, it makes me mad.

However, it's good to realize that you share some blame in this situation because you didn't set different expectations and you've quietly put up with it for so long. If I were you I would totally lay into him and call him all sorts of names and threaten to leave etc., but that's obviously not your style, nor is it likely to get you anything except both of you really angry and him not hearing your point of view at all.

I'd suggest writing him a letter. Start out by reminding him (and yourself) of the things you love about him, the reasons you married him, the things you think are great about your relationship.

Then write things along the lines of what MelChicago suggests--tell him you are really struggling and you're very worried about how the functioning of your family is suffering and will likely suffer more after the new baby is born. Lay out a bit of what your days are like and how it's just impossible for you to accomplish all of this alone. Ask him for his help. Give him the letter calmly, give him a hug, ask him to read it when he's quiet and has time to think and talk to you about it at a particular time later, when you're both calm.

This way you can get all your thoughts out without becoming overwhelmed and frustrated and he can't cut you off or guilt trip you. It's impossible to think and hear each other when you're both upset.

Good luck! Marriage can really be so hard. My husband is WONDERFUL about doing his share of things around the house (and I don't think of it as "HELPING" because it's both of our responsibility equally). However, we certainly have our issues and I should probably take my own advice about a few of them!

One more thought I had reading what you wrote--it's great that you don't want your daughter to grow up with fighting. But it's just as important for her to grow up seeing that her mother demands respect and is worthy of that respect. Think of the kind of wife you'd like her to be when she's an adult and try to BE that woman!
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  #22  
January 22nd, 2014, 06:03 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 791
Thank you everyone! Some of the posts made me super angry seeing that other people deal with crap they shouldnt too. Other posts made me laugh (Nel and Camm.....lol) but all were helpful and made me feel not quite so alone.

I havent talked to DH today since I had such an unbelievably horrid day at work today. I just feel emotionally destroyed right now. Talking to him would go nowhere as Id probably be too emotional to say anything clearly. We're still not really talking but I know what Im going to say to him now so that makes it a bit easier.

I can home today and he was busy making dinner. Wha?! So maybe I got through to him a bit anyway. I'll talk to him and hopefully we can come to some sort of agreement.
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  #23  
January 22nd, 2014, 07:30 PM
anjewellove's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 838
Woohoo!!!! Dinner is good!
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  #24  
January 22nd, 2014, 07:38 PM
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Nel Nel is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 3,014
Nice!! Dinner making is very appreciated. Remember to praise him
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